This morning I watched the rosary and followed along with a real rosary in my hand.

I got to watch the Pope conduct a ceremony at the statue of The Visitation in Celebration of The Feast of The Visitation.

I wrote a piece about dogmas today, I am still working on it.

I got angry with my wife for yelling at my son. She lost her cool then I lost my cool.

I got to go to a meeting tonight. The topic was about raising the bottom.

I'm still sick with a cold.

Yesterday evening I was so sick with allergies that I wasn't able to do my review written. We had my parents over for dinner and visiting, then we had to bath the kids and clean up and I was just too exhausted to anything except pass out.

Today I was still not well but woke up just enough to make it to work and be ok. At noon I got to go to an AA meeting.

Tonight I got to go to the CA meeting. It was a speaker meeting. The speaker was Magic from Houston. Magic carried a good message. He was like me in that he was an awkward speaker at times and he would get mixed up in the lines from the Big Book but you could realy tell that he knew it inside and out and was on point with what he meant. His pirituality was crude but you could really see that he worked a good program and is a good sponsor.

Today at lunch I went to a meeting. On the walk back to work I was taking in all the people and places downtown, the weather was beautiful, I felt alert and productive, and it felt great to be alive. I enjoyed the moment and was grateful to be back to normal.

Tonight I had a group conscience. I was looking forward to the meeting before it but couldn't make it in time. I was glad I decided to go to the meeting at lunch.

I had to talk to my wife about some friends. I ask God to forgive me if I have judged anyone.

Today's readings from the mass included my favorite psalm, psalm 23.

Though I walk through the valley in the shadow of death I shall fear no evil, for you are at my side, With your rod and your staff that give me courage.

Another "Best Day Ever".

This evening on the way home I heard a discussion of Pope Benedict's latest encyclicle. In it he posits that we should take our daily disturbances to Christ and give them to him on the cross. He said this is a tradition that we have lost but we should consider re-viving. I thought that this sounded a lot like an evening review.

This brings up some thoughts I had today of some things I shared in meetings about my religion that I felt needed to be finished. At the treatment center the other day I was asked about what my spirituality. I shared some things in a general way but then maybe got too specific. Then I thought I didn't when I thought of what I really wanted to say. I said I was Catholic and I raise my kids that way. but it was an incomplete thought. The reason I wanted to say it was to point out that i made a spiritual journey and it led me back to my traditional faith. And that we have a faith filled home. I also said something confusing about reason. What I wanted to say was that I was able to find faith that stood up to reason. That reason led me to faith not away from it when I did it with an open mind.

At the meeting last night I said that recently I read that the teaching of my Church says that I am saved the minute I ask to be saved. But I still have to deal with the temporal consequences of sin. That's why I still have to do the work of inventory, prayer, amends, practicing principles and working with other addicts and alcoholics. That the balance of Church and 12 step fellowship is found in that statement. That I must go to Church and enlarge my spiritual life but my lay work must be in the 12 step rooms.

Today I went back to wok and I was very busy. I had a few moments of worry over missing work. Tonight as I review I remember my corrective measure from last night that i mustn't losing that job.

Today I was too sick to go to work but was much better thn the last 3 days.

In the morning I was sore, tired and had a some minor anxiety spells. I was also depressed and afraid for missing work.

Going forward I have to stay in the moment and be grateful that I have a job that gives me time off when I am sick. I have to work with what God gives me in health and trust that my performance will be measured by my work.

I have to remember that it is just a job and that God takes care of everything.

This afternoon I was much better. My wife encouraged me to walk to school to pick up my son and help him collect acorns for his science project. I let him play for a while with his friends at the park then we started home. We found many more types of acorns than I expected and we were able to write him up a great science project tonight. I enjoyed our time together, these are memories that I will cherish.

Tonight my wife encouraged me to go to a meeting. I was so concerned (afraid) of making it to work tomorrow that I was not going to go but I changed my mind at the last minute. I realized that I was not trusting God and that I might actually sleep better.

I am grateful because it was a good meeting.

I woke up from a dream about a near affair with a hairstylist. I had to work to resist the temptation to dwell in the allure of the dream. Fortunately she disappeared in the dream but I had to ask God to remove that feeling and direct my feelings to my wife and to being a husband and a father.

Today was another difficult day but better.

I didn't have the shakes or anxiety attacks anymore but I was really worn out, tired and down. I slept most of the morning and felt bad about missing most of the day. I also had the feelings I used to have when I was using and would lose days.

I felt very bad for missing Mass on the first Sunday of Advent but I did try to watch it on TV and got through to the Gospel before falling asleep. I heard the rest in my sleep as it stayed on.

I did get in my morning prayers as soon as I woke up so I feel good about that.

I enjoyed watching football with my 7 year old son today again.

I made phone calls tonight to the persons who called me while I was down. One in particular was a friend who said I came up in their morning meditation. She had a lot of experience with the pain meds and I was thankful that I was able to talk to someone about it.

Today was a write-off day but at least I felt human again.

Last night i didn't write about what I was realy going through. I was going through DT's from the pain meds I had been on from my surgery. I have been hesitant to write about this because I was afraid that it would not be a good thing to share but I think now it has to be.

What do we addicts do when faced with medical conditions that don't give us options in taking medication. I think we need to share with each other that we will have to face these challenges.

I did see that I mae a mistake when I didn't get the surgery right away.

Too tired to write anymore but grateful this behind me.