Today I had to come home from work because my wife had a horrible fever and couldn't take care of the kids. She had the same thing that's going around with the people at work. I was a little afraid about taking off from work and could tell my boss was concerned about it.
When I came home I was very concerned to find teh children were all still in bed and none had been changed or had eaten.
I could tell that I've changed in my attitude towards this type of thing because I was able to handle the kids, get some work done from home, clean the house and offer Christie some attention and care.
I am grateful that I am able to work from home and I hope my willingness and effort to do this made an impression on my boss.
At the end of the night I wore down some and got a little cranky but for the most i did ok.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
This morning during my morning readings, these things stood out to me:
Jesus, aware at once that power had gone out from him,
turned around in the crowd and asked, “Who has touched my clothes?”
But his disciples said to him,
“You see how the crowd is pressing upon you,
and yet you ask, Who touched me?”
R. Listen, Lord, and answer me.
Have mercy on me, O Lord,
for to you I call all the day.
Gladden the soul of your servant,
for to you, O Lord, I lift up my soul.
The minute I stopped arguing, I could begin to see and feel. Right there, Step Two gently and very gradually began to infiltrate my life. I can’t say upon what occasion or upon what day I came to believe in a Power greater than myself, but I certainly have that belief now. To acquire it, I had to stop fighting and practice the rest of A.A.’s program as enthusiastically as I could. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p.27
Jesus, aware at once that power had gone out from him,
turned around in the crowd and asked, “Who has touched my clothes?”
But his disciples said to him,
“You see how the crowd is pressing upon you,
and yet you ask, Who touched me?”
R. Listen, Lord, and answer me.
Have mercy on me, O Lord,
for to you I call all the day.
Gladden the soul of your servant,
for to you, O Lord, I lift up my soul.
The minute I stopped arguing, I could begin to see and feel. Right there, Step Two gently and very gradually began to infiltrate my life. I can’t say upon what occasion or upon what day I came to believe in a Power greater than myself, but I certainly have that belief now. To acquire it, I had to stop fighting and practice the rest of A.A.’s program as enthusiastically as I could. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p.27
Monday, February 4, 2008
This weekend I received a gift of a whole new wardrobe from my brother in law. I was gratefult today when I had a new shirt to wear to work. Once again, God gives me what I need.
Today at noon I got to go a very good meeting. I love the people there.
It was a good day at work today. In the morning our isp was down so I got to do some work on a diagram for training my customers.
In the afternoon I was able to be diligent and get caught up.
Tonight we got the kids to bed early and had popcorn and watched gameshows.
Today at noon I got to go a very good meeting. I love the people there.
It was a good day at work today. In the morning our isp was down so I got to do some work on a diagram for training my customers.
In the afternoon I was able to be diligent and get caught up.
Tonight we got the kids to bed early and had popcorn and watched gameshows.
Sunday, February 3, 2008
Tonight our family went to visit my cousin's family to watch the Super Bowl. We had a great time before the kids became too much to handle. He spoke to me with great emphasis that I should enjoy the time I have with my kids while they are still small. He let me know about how he misses his kids now that they are growing up.
We also spoke about some of the alcoholism in our family.
I really admire him for his success in life, he has a very nice home and good kids. I am grateful to have faith so that I might find a way to instill the importance of family in my children and so that I might have purpose when they leave me.
This morning we made it to mass ok. The second reading was "God chose the foolish of the world to shame the wise..." the gospel Reading was the the beatitudes, "Blessed are the peacemakers...". I think I have an inspiration to be learned from this in the near future.
When we came home there was a mass being televised that was the closing of a phase of the canonization of Bishop Sheen. The bishop presiding over the mass said this was a great day for us not because of the Super Bowl but because it was Alleluia Sunday before Lent.
Tonight I have a lot of hope for the future.
We also spoke about some of the alcoholism in our family.
I really admire him for his success in life, he has a very nice home and good kids. I am grateful to have faith so that I might find a way to instill the importance of family in my children and so that I might have purpose when they leave me.
This morning we made it to mass ok. The second reading was "God chose the foolish of the world to shame the wise..." the gospel Reading was the the beatitudes, "Blessed are the peacemakers...". I think I have an inspiration to be learned from this in the near future.
When we came home there was a mass being televised that was the closing of a phase of the canonization of Bishop Sheen. The bishop presiding over the mass said this was a great day for us not because of the Super Bowl but because it was Alleluia Sunday before Lent.
Tonight I have a lot of hope for the future.
This weekend I received a gift of a whole new wardrobe from my brother in law. I was gratefult today when I had a new shirt to wear to work. Once again, God gives me what I need.
Today at noon I got to go a very good meeting. I love the people there.
It was a good day at work today. In the morning our isp was down so I got to do some work on a diagram for training my customers.
In the afternoon I was able to be diligent and get caught up.
Tonight we got the kids to bed early and had popcorn and watched gameshows.
Today at noon I got to go a very good meeting. I love the people there.
It was a good day at work today. In the morning our isp was down so I got to do some work on a diagram for training my customers.
In the afternoon I was able to be diligent and get caught up.
Tonight we got the kids to bed early and had popcorn and watched gameshows.
Saturday, February 2, 2008
This morning I had some low grade resentment at my wife that she didn't get up early enough to suit me.
I was afraid the house wouldn't get cleaned up as much as I wanted.
I was afraid I wouldn't get to rest before going to our baseball tryout.
It was an old resentment that cropped up.
I got to go to my son's baseball tryout with him today. We were there a little early so I got to be a coaches helper on first base. This is a big deal to me because I get to help him feel more a "part of" the baseball families.
This afternoon my sister-in-law and nephew visited. I took a nap and when I woke up they were still here. As I got up and got going I got a little resentful that the house was stil a mess. I had to resist this irritability a few times and just appreciate that my children have relatives that visit. I also thought to just try and be helpful and not waste energy on feelings that don't help anything.
Truthfully though I was a little more tolerant because she brought us lunch.
Tonight at our meeting we heard news that a young woman who used to attend our group had died from an overdose. She left behind several children including a 4 month old child. I remember that she was very beautiful and had a lot to live for. I had to deliver the news to a close friend who used to date her.
This made me think of something that I have been meditating for about a week. It is a part of Step 1, the nature of the disease, that it is Chronic, Progressive, Fatal.
"These allergic types can never safely use alcohol in any form at all; and once having formed the habit and found they cannot break it"
Chronic - In medicine, a chronic disease is a disease that is long-lasting or recurrent. The term chronic describes the course of the disease, or its rate of onset and development. A chronic course is distinguished from a recurrent course; recurrent diseases relapse repeatedly, with periods of remission in between. As an adjective, chronic can refer to a persistent and lasting medical condition. Many chronic diseases require chronic care management for effective long-term treatment.
"We are like men who have lost their legs; they never grow new ones. Neither does there appear to be any kind of treatment which will make alcoholics of our kind like other men. We have tried every imaginable remedy. In some instances there has been brief recovery, followed always by a still worse relapse. Physicians who are familiar with alcoholism agree there is no such thing a making a normal drinker out of an alcoholic. Science may one day accomplish this, but it hasn't done so yet."
Progressive - A progressive illness is an illness that gradually progresses and changes mode, generally to the worse. In contrast, non-progressive illnesses are relatively constant.
"We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals usually brief were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better."
Fatal - bringing death.
"The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death."
"Though a robust man at retirement, he went to pieces quickly and was dead within four years."
"Most of us have believed that if we remained sober for a long stretch, we could thereafter drink normally. But here is a man who at fifty-five years found he was just where he had left off at thirty. We have seen the truth demonstrated again and again: "Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic." Commencing to drink after a period of sobriety, we are in a short time as bad as ever. If we are planning to stop drinking , there must be no reservation of any kind, nor any lurking notion that someday we will be immune to alcohol."
I was afraid the house wouldn't get cleaned up as much as I wanted.
I was afraid I wouldn't get to rest before going to our baseball tryout.
It was an old resentment that cropped up.
I got to go to my son's baseball tryout with him today. We were there a little early so I got to be a coaches helper on first base. This is a big deal to me because I get to help him feel more a "part of" the baseball families.
This afternoon my sister-in-law and nephew visited. I took a nap and when I woke up they were still here. As I got up and got going I got a little resentful that the house was stil a mess. I had to resist this irritability a few times and just appreciate that my children have relatives that visit. I also thought to just try and be helpful and not waste energy on feelings that don't help anything.
Truthfully though I was a little more tolerant because she brought us lunch.
Tonight at our meeting we heard news that a young woman who used to attend our group had died from an overdose. She left behind several children including a 4 month old child. I remember that she was very beautiful and had a lot to live for. I had to deliver the news to a close friend who used to date her.
This made me think of something that I have been meditating for about a week. It is a part of Step 1, the nature of the disease, that it is Chronic, Progressive, Fatal.
"These allergic types can never safely use alcohol in any form at all; and once having formed the habit and found they cannot break it"
Chronic - In medicine, a chronic disease is a disease that is long-lasting or recurrent. The term chronic describes the course of the disease, or its rate of onset and development. A chronic course is distinguished from a recurrent course; recurrent diseases relapse repeatedly, with periods of remission in between. As an adjective, chronic can refer to a persistent and lasting medical condition. Many chronic diseases require chronic care management for effective long-term treatment.
"We are like men who have lost their legs; they never grow new ones. Neither does there appear to be any kind of treatment which will make alcoholics of our kind like other men. We have tried every imaginable remedy. In some instances there has been brief recovery, followed always by a still worse relapse. Physicians who are familiar with alcoholism agree there is no such thing a making a normal drinker out of an alcoholic. Science may one day accomplish this, but it hasn't done so yet."
Progressive - A progressive illness is an illness that gradually progresses and changes mode, generally to the worse. In contrast, non-progressive illnesses are relatively constant.
"We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals usually brief were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better."
Fatal - bringing death.
"The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death."
"Though a robust man at retirement, he went to pieces quickly and was dead within four years."
"Most of us have believed that if we remained sober for a long stretch, we could thereafter drink normally. But here is a man who at fifty-five years found he was just where he had left off at thirty. We have seen the truth demonstrated again and again: "Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic." Commencing to drink after a period of sobriety, we are in a short time as bad as ever. If we are planning to stop drinking , there must be no reservation of any kind, nor any lurking notion that someday we will be immune to alcohol."
Friday, February 1, 2008
Today I thought about what a "lurking notion" is. Everytime I worked the steps I could answer the question of whether I had a lurking notion, NO. Yet sometimes I used again. If you asked me right before I used, I would have said there's no way that I am ever going to use again.
Perhaps the lurking notion can also be the thoughts that live below the surface of consciousness. Even though I might not consciously have a lurking notion, if it is powerful enough in the subconscious then it can rise up if I am blocked from my higher power.
This is the reason I have to do steps like the evening review every night even when things are good. Earlier this week I skipped a night and went to bed tired for good reasons. That night I had a long drawn out dream that I was doing crank.
Every time I relapsed I stopped doing the steps according to the specific instructions in the book. I felt comfortable in my sobriety and everything was better. I just quit being disciplined about the work.
Tonight I had no emotional disturbances or big deals to review. I could only write a few thoughts about recovery and I opened the doors to a meeting where only 2 guys showed up. This morning I found time to pray.
Having done steps 10, 11, and 12 today I can rest gratefully knowing I don't have to fear a lurking notion.
I heard something else new also that eludes me.
Tonight I went to open up the meeting and was the only one there. The back door was open and I got a creepy feeling that someone was around. I had too go outside and it was a long wait until someone finally showed up. I felt unusually frightened about being there alone.
Everyone that normally goes to that meeting went to the big speaker meeting. Only myself, my sponsor and a friend who is relatively new were there. We didn't have a meeting because we got to talking about our pasts. At some point we started talking about the similarity between addiction and demonic possession. We then talked about all the demonic episodes in our past. The new guy talked alot about his difficulties with his dark past. I got the feeling he needed that talk and that he needed some support in his reltionship with God.
I think maybe that the there was a dark presence before the meeting because of what we were about talk about.
I can't think of anything else to review.
Perhaps the lurking notion can also be the thoughts that live below the surface of consciousness. Even though I might not consciously have a lurking notion, if it is powerful enough in the subconscious then it can rise up if I am blocked from my higher power.
This is the reason I have to do steps like the evening review every night even when things are good. Earlier this week I skipped a night and went to bed tired for good reasons. That night I had a long drawn out dream that I was doing crank.
Every time I relapsed I stopped doing the steps according to the specific instructions in the book. I felt comfortable in my sobriety and everything was better. I just quit being disciplined about the work.
Tonight I had no emotional disturbances or big deals to review. I could only write a few thoughts about recovery and I opened the doors to a meeting where only 2 guys showed up. This morning I found time to pray.
Having done steps 10, 11, and 12 today I can rest gratefully knowing I don't have to fear a lurking notion.
I heard something else new also that eludes me.
Tonight I went to open up the meeting and was the only one there. The back door was open and I got a creepy feeling that someone was around. I had too go outside and it was a long wait until someone finally showed up. I felt unusually frightened about being there alone.
Everyone that normally goes to that meeting went to the big speaker meeting. Only myself, my sponsor and a friend who is relatively new were there. We didn't have a meeting because we got to talking about our pasts. At some point we started talking about the similarity between addiction and demonic possession. We then talked about all the demonic episodes in our past. The new guy talked alot about his difficulties with his dark past. I got the feeling he needed that talk and that he needed some support in his reltionship with God.
I think maybe that the there was a dark presence before the meeting because of what we were about talk about.
I can't think of anything else to review.