My life lately has gotten really good. Every night I am have been falling asleep feeding the baby or was busy with something critical until I passed out exhausted.

This worries me because I have fallen into the worst inconsistency of doing this evening review since the start of my sobriety. I have fallen into the same type of inconsistency that I used to have do back when I was relapsing.

I also have had a lot gratitude and inspirition to write about that I regret I haven't recorded. I know that God knows what my failings and gratefuls are, but I know that my connection to God is dependent on a period of focus in the evening that I can only be sure of when I do this review.

I have work on the SCTA website that I haven't been able to get to that I am worried about neglecting. I also have emails that I need to take care of.

This morning I was able to get in a good prayer and meditation. The readings of the Mass were about the Lady at the well and the Living Water. I heard Fr Barron's teaching that the five husbands may refer to our five senses.

At mass today I felt especially grateful for God's redemption. Several times I had to bow my heard near tears. Fr. James had a good teaching about the Living Water but I don't recall what it was at the moment. I do recall that he spoke of how everyone is so concerned about drinking fresh, cool, and clean water. So much so that we buy it. Everywhere that you look people carry a bottle of water.

During the Epiclesis I acidentally said "My Lord and my God." in my full voice rather than a whisper. I looked at the great cross in the window behind the altar and had a vision of the Corpus Christi.

This afternoon I got in a 2 hour nap. In the afternoon we did a little yardwork and put our room back together a little more.

This brings to mind a moment I had before Church. I had to put back my younger son's carseat becuase I took it out while my truck was in the shop. I realized just how many circumstances have happened in our lives lately that we have made it through gracefully.

In the past I would have been so overwhelmed that I would have been miserable and afaid.

Today in a moment in which I wanted to connect to God I thought of a bottle of Water of Light.

We had a nice little barbecue and my parents came to visit.

It was the best day of my life... again.

This morning the scripture reading was about putting faith in God not in people. The Gospel was the story of the Rich man and Lazarus the beggar. The emphasis was on how he knew the man. Today I denied a beggar some money. But I didn't know the man. Perhaps this is about answering the call to charitable works of mercy rather than giving money to crackheads.

Today I went to a noon meeting. The reading was step 11 from the 12x12 again. We read about praying for explicit guidance on matters and rationalization.

I shared that I offer my petitions to God with the emphasis on acceptance of God's regardless of the outcome.

I also shared about testing the "guidance" I receive in 3 ways; by time, by text, by teachers. Maybe by time, teachers and testing.

Time - I don't act rashly, I wait and see if the guidance still seems inspired.
Teachers - I check with others who have experience in the matters and those with spiritual experience.
Testing - I test how the guidance stands up to the what is written about God's will and the wisdom of the ages.

A member of the group quoted scripture that might have been this one : Proverbs 15:22 Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.

I thought about rationalization afterward and about how I pray that being inexperience I may not be inspired at all times that I not pay with absurd ideas and notions. In the prayer I have begun to substitute "being prone to rationalization" as I am not as inexperienced anymore. Either way the need to pray this is no less important.

I noticed that persons reading inadvertantly misread words that slightly altered the meaning of the sentences. This is a common occurence. This makes a good illustration of the sort of rationalization that can slip by.

I had a hard time putting my thoughts and words together about praying for internal change rather than circumstancial assistance. I need to develop a phrasology for this. I pray for behavioral change and guidance of thought more than specific guidance or petitions. I pray for prosperity of the heart rather than financial prosperity. With good thinking, willingness and a giving spirit come all sorts of circumstancial benefits. I think God gives us good kharma and specific gifts when he sees fit.

We had a great evening in the cool of this early spring. We practiced baseball an played on the swing and my wife got to go her meeting.

Last night I passed out feeding the baby at 7:30.

Yesterday I had some difficulty with a customer who is PO'd that a switch of software is not working. I am communicating back and forth between her and mny boss and they have past history of antagonism on this issue. I felt like the friend of a couple having a spat and neither is talking to each other but they are relying on me to relay their communication effectively but by nature it is second hand.

Yesterday evening I got my truck back

This morning I was running late and I was short on my prayer time.

At work I was treading water all day to keep up and I should have stayed more focused on work and avoided distractions of what I want to do.

I got to go to a noon meeting, the reading was step 11 in the 12x12.

I got to take my son to practice and participate as an asst. coach.

Tonight we looked at the full moon in the telescope.

I need to do some web servant tasks.

We had a great day.

I woke up early this morning with a couple of thoughts:

I feel inspired as a Catholic to speak about Catholic principles to persons of other faiths. I felt that I could encourage them to adopt these practices in their personal practice of their religion. I thought that they could benefit from this greatly (maybe not fully, but greatly) and that Christ's Church would benefit from it.

This would serve Catholicism in that it would present these principles as great practices first for those people where there at and then they might wish to become Catholic. Or perhaps someday these practices would grow so prevalent within those groups that there wouldn't be so much separating us and we would come together.

This idea came from the fact that this is the way it worked for me. I was over there believeing in everything that held me back before and then I realized one day "whats holding me back?".

My other thought was about the common obstacles people have to religion:

rites
rote
rules & regulations

rites - These are the sacraments and practices.
rote - This is the language they use to express their ideas based on their interpritations of their sacred texts. If you don't use this language you are nudged to do so before you can be considered credible or before a dialog can ensue.
rules - These are the requirements to be initiated.
regulation - These are their doctrines and theology.

Last night I had a dream about extremely large vicious snakes trying to get me. I noted that I wasn't able to do my review last night. I'm to the point of being resigned to not being able to do a review every night without fail because of the kids. It can't be God's will that I have to do it at the cost of lost sleep and inability to focus. That just leads to a more stressful life and more irritability and discontent.

However, the fact that I routinely have these dreams shows me the direct and immediate cause and effect in my spiritual life. Perhaps the message here is that I have to accept not being able to do it every night but I must night rationalize not doing it when I can. It is a matter of spiritual life and death.

Yesterday we had baseball practice at a gym and I saw a poster of a "life skills" wheel. It had some skills like these:

Health Skills; eating right, exercise, healthy habits (like sleep), no drugs
Social/Interpersonal Skills, conflict resolution, refusal skills, boundaries
Professional/Career Skills
Community Skills
Giving Skills
Financial Skills; budgeting, Consumer Skills; Delayed Gratification
Academic Skills
Homekeeping Skills
Decision Making Skills

It was a wheel with each skill being like a large spoke. The middle was an empty hole. I thought that God should be at the middle of the wheel. But them I thought that decision making should be at the middle because it is the most important and it applies to all. I thought that then one could say that there is a power behind the decision making. That can be self, society, or God.

I looked for this online today. I saw many types of wheels like this. sometimes they had some morals or principles at the center. Sometimes they had a vagary or platitude.

I thought that the "life balance" wheel was mot interesting. I like it from the approach of trying to keep a balance but going with the organic flow of life rather than trying to "pre-manage" or schedule a balance.

Today there was a lot to write about today but unfortunately I don't have time for it all.

There was a big deal today with our finances. My wife and I sat down a did a budget this afternoon. We had a major disagreement and an argument. We both got extremely angry and we had to step back and recover. But we did and we kept communicating. We both got over it and both had to concede positions we felt very strongly about.

We both agreed to look at the great fact that we actually did get throught the budget and that it was a great accomplishment for us.

In the evening we received an unexpected financial gift from my Dad. I think it was a gift from God.

This morning during meditation I had an experience with spiritual focus. I was moved to meditate before my prayers which is the opposite way that I usually do it. I realized just how bad the clamor in my head has gotten. I started and had to restart 3 times as I kept having 2-3 trains of thought start running through my mind while I was trying to empty my self and focus on God. When I finally did clear my mind and let God in I had a tangible vision of light. It was like water-light, like ripples of water-light coming from a center.

I had a good day of learning and working through difficult problems and connecting with customers at work today. I felt productive and valuable again. I got good feedback twice on creative projects that I worked on.

I was able to persevere, be dilligent and stay focused through and overwhelming amount of work and with two meetings that ate up time. I feel inspired at my job and optimistic about the future.

I got to go to the Big Book Study meeting tonight. We read the chapter "A Vision for You".

I got to talk to several friends in the program today and I had a friend come visit after work.

Tonight my wife has made a decision that means I will have the kids by myself all day tomorrow. I had to be assertive and try to get her to reconsider her project. I could not. I got resentful. I need to let it go and persevere to find power to stay calm and forgive her.