Today I went to the noon meeting. I had some reservation after the problem I had last Friday. The last few pages of Bill's story were read before I got there and The first few pages were read when I was there. My friend Charlie shared about how he always felt things more intensely that other people and that he felt alcohol more intensely than others.
I shared about how these pages describe who "we" are and that "we" were necesary before "I" could admit the nature of my disease.
I got to read:
We hope this volume will inform and comfort those who are, or who may be affected. There are many.
Highly competent psychiatrists who have dealt with us have found it sometimes impossible to persuade an alcoholic to discuss his situation without reserve. Strangely enough, wives, parents and intimate friends usually find us even more unapproachable than do the psychiatrist and the doctor.
But the ex-problem drinker who has found this solution, who is properly armed with facts about himself, can generally win the entire confidence of another alcoholic in a few hours. Until such an understanding is reached, little or nothing can be accomplished.
No one mentioned the problem that happened last Friday.
Tonight I stopped and looked at bikes at Slaughter Bike Shop in my neighborhood. I went back with my son and bought a bike for myself and for him.
We took a ride around the neighborhood and I finally realized the moment I've been waiting for where he ad I rode side by side.
Monday, March 10, 2008
Sunday, March 9, 2008
This morning was "Spring Forward". I thought about this beforehand last night and when I woke up. The boys and I got going and made it to Church on time. We I got there and Father James gave me a handshake as if to thank me for being on time. The congegation was small today.
Or readings were about God giving us new life from death and sin.
when I open your graves and have you rise from them,
O my people!
I will put my spirit in you that you may live,
The middle reading spoke of being raised from Spritual Death.
Those who are in the flesh cannot please God.
But you are not in the flesh;
on the contrary, you are in the spirit,
if only the Spirit of God dwells in you.
Whoever does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him.
But if Christ is in you,
although the body is dead because of sin,
the spirit is alive because of righteousness.
The Gospel was the story of Lazarus raised from from the dead. I see several more lessons in this pasage than I have seen before.
The apostles were afraid that they would be killed if He went back there but He renewed in them the belief that He is the one who has power over life and death. I think this passage ties the story to an application in this life not just in the afterlife.
“Are there not twelve hours in a day?
If one walks during the day, he does not stumble,
because he sees the light of this world.
But if one walks at night, he stumbles,
because the light is not in him.”
Also in Martha he renewed her Faith:
Jesus told her,
“I am the resurrection and the life;
whoever believes in me, even if he dies, will live,
and everyone who lives and believes in me will never die.
Do you believe this?”
She said to him, “Yes, Lord.
I have come to believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God,
the one who is coming into the world.”
Father Barry said that Lent is a season of resurrection of faith.
Today's Daily Reflection was again synchronous as these three months have been:
SURRENDERING SELF-WILL
March 9, 2008
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 34
Today I renew my Decision. I turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understand Him.
Or readings were about God giving us new life from death and sin.
when I open your graves and have you rise from them,
O my people!
I will put my spirit in you that you may live,
The middle reading spoke of being raised from Spritual Death.
Those who are in the flesh cannot please God.
But you are not in the flesh;
on the contrary, you are in the spirit,
if only the Spirit of God dwells in you.
Whoever does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him.
But if Christ is in you,
although the body is dead because of sin,
the spirit is alive because of righteousness.
The Gospel was the story of Lazarus raised from from the dead. I see several more lessons in this pasage than I have seen before.
The apostles were afraid that they would be killed if He went back there but He renewed in them the belief that He is the one who has power over life and death. I think this passage ties the story to an application in this life not just in the afterlife.
“Are there not twelve hours in a day?
If one walks during the day, he does not stumble,
because he sees the light of this world.
But if one walks at night, he stumbles,
because the light is not in him.”
Also in Martha he renewed her Faith:
Jesus told her,
“I am the resurrection and the life;
whoever believes in me, even if he dies, will live,
and everyone who lives and believes in me will never die.
Do you believe this?”
She said to him, “Yes, Lord.
I have come to believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God,
the one who is coming into the world.”
Father Barry said that Lent is a season of resurrection of faith.
Today's Daily Reflection was again synchronous as these three months have been:
SURRENDERING SELF-WILL
March 9, 2008
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 34
Today I renew my Decision. I turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understand Him.
Saturday, March 8, 2008
Today I went to our area meeting in San Antonio and served my 12 Step Fellowship by helping do the business that keeps the doors open.
I have to make a difficult decision as my son had a baseball practice that I would not be able to make. My wife was not enthusiastic about taking the kids with her to the practice and it was not realistic for her to be able to handle them. I knew that she would have to ask my mom for help and my dad would not be pleased. He had stressed to me when he paid for the practice that I needed to be responsible for getting my son there and not make my mother have to do these things.
It was my mistake not to plan better so I strongly considered not going but I just had to put first things first.
My wife ran an errand to the store before my trip. She got back late and I had to go make copies of my committee reports. She didn't want me using the printer at home. I went to make the copies and I ran twenty minutes late to meet with the guys riding to the meeting. I shared with them that I was angry at my wife and I asked God to remove it. I turned my thoughts to helping my fellowship and my fellows in service.
I have to make a difficult decision as my son had a baseball practice that I would not be able to make. My wife was not enthusiastic about taking the kids with her to the practice and it was not realistic for her to be able to handle them. I knew that she would have to ask my mom for help and my dad would not be pleased. He had stressed to me when he paid for the practice that I needed to be responsible for getting my son there and not make my mother have to do these things.
It was my mistake not to plan better so I strongly considered not going but I just had to put first things first.
My wife ran an errand to the store before my trip. She got back late and I had to go make copies of my committee reports. She didn't want me using the printer at home. I went to make the copies and I ran twenty minutes late to meet with the guys riding to the meeting. I shared with them that I was angry at my wife and I asked God to remove it. I turned my thoughts to helping my fellowship and my fellows in service.
Friday, March 7, 2008
At noon I went to the meeting. I was asked to chair when I walked in. Today we were in Bill's story again at the point where Ebby asked Bill "Why don't you consider your own conception of God?". It was the part of the story where Bill became willing. I thought it was synchronous with today's Daily Reflection:
THE KEY IS WILLINGNESS
Once we have placed the key of willingness in the lock and have the door ever so slightly open, we find that we can always open it some more. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 35
It was a good meeting up until the point that a guy went on a lengthy share. He went on for a long time about his personal issues and dilemmas. He shared about his conflicts at work, his childhood trauma, his paranoia, his ADHD and other psychological issues, his problems with his wife, his inability to trust God and finally his hatred of God. He shared about the work he was doing with his psychiatrist and about how they were getting deeper and deeper into his issues. He talked about how he wants to drink so bad he can taste it.
As he went on, I began to see everyone looking at each other. Each person seemed to at first get annoyed, then expressed empathy and then get tired. I began to get this feeling that I was responsible to interject. I was afraid because I didn't know if this was the will of this group and I have a problem with confrontation. So I eased the basket out. Ten minutes later I handed the basket to him. I began to imagine my teachers telling me that I was letting this meeting go bad.
Finally at a point I interrupted him and asked him to wrap it up. He got angry and lashed out verbally. He said he would NOT wrap it up an that at this group we let God run the show, not you Bob(me). He said that he didn't care if it took me out of my comfort zone he thought there was still plenty of time.
He did wrap it up and I just let him say what he felt. He did an experienced job of bringing his share back to AA.
The next guy got the meeting back on track. He read from the story and said that it was amazing that what the reading was something he was experiencing in his life and he shared a message that was inspired and provided hope.
The guy made some other facetious comments about how much time people had to share but when we circled for the Lord's prayer he held my hand. We did not speak after the meeting. Ironically much of his share was about being able to stand up for his principles, be assertive and not go ballistic.
I tried to remain kind, tolerant and loving. I tried to give my fear of disapproval to God. I tried to trust in God and ask for his protection and spiritual armor.
I suppose that I will either learn that I don't need to run meetings or that I am able to be assertive and walk through the fear. I definitely want to get to the point where I can put things in a truthful but supportive manner in the face of confrontation.
In the evening I took my son to a scrimmage. It was difficult because I got angry that my wife did not have him ready. I didn't get to eat lunch or dinner.
My son made some mistakes but he made 2 outs at third base and he hit the ball every time he cam up to bat. He may have had the best game of all the boys.
In the evening my wife was still unhappy with mne as I had a committmen to the meeting that night. She was also unhapy that I had a trip to a felloowship business mtg. the next morning. My sponsor was at the meeting so he relieved me and I got to stay home and help my wife.
I called a sponsee this evening and spoke to him about how he is doing.
I talked to my sponsor and grand sponsor about the problem at the meeting.
THE KEY IS WILLINGNESS
Once we have placed the key of willingness in the lock and have the door ever so slightly open, we find that we can always open it some more. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 35
It was a good meeting up until the point that a guy went on a lengthy share. He went on for a long time about his personal issues and dilemmas. He shared about his conflicts at work, his childhood trauma, his paranoia, his ADHD and other psychological issues, his problems with his wife, his inability to trust God and finally his hatred of God. He shared about the work he was doing with his psychiatrist and about how they were getting deeper and deeper into his issues. He talked about how he wants to drink so bad he can taste it.
As he went on, I began to see everyone looking at each other. Each person seemed to at first get annoyed, then expressed empathy and then get tired. I began to get this feeling that I was responsible to interject. I was afraid because I didn't know if this was the will of this group and I have a problem with confrontation. So I eased the basket out. Ten minutes later I handed the basket to him. I began to imagine my teachers telling me that I was letting this meeting go bad.
Finally at a point I interrupted him and asked him to wrap it up. He got angry and lashed out verbally. He said he would NOT wrap it up an that at this group we let God run the show, not you Bob(me). He said that he didn't care if it took me out of my comfort zone he thought there was still plenty of time.
He did wrap it up and I just let him say what he felt. He did an experienced job of bringing his share back to AA.
The next guy got the meeting back on track. He read from the story and said that it was amazing that what the reading was something he was experiencing in his life and he shared a message that was inspired and provided hope.
The guy made some other facetious comments about how much time people had to share but when we circled for the Lord's prayer he held my hand. We did not speak after the meeting. Ironically much of his share was about being able to stand up for his principles, be assertive and not go ballistic.
I tried to remain kind, tolerant and loving. I tried to give my fear of disapproval to God. I tried to trust in God and ask for his protection and spiritual armor.
I suppose that I will either learn that I don't need to run meetings or that I am able to be assertive and walk through the fear. I definitely want to get to the point where I can put things in a truthful but supportive manner in the face of confrontation.
In the evening I took my son to a scrimmage. It was difficult because I got angry that my wife did not have him ready. I didn't get to eat lunch or dinner.
My son made some mistakes but he made 2 outs at third base and he hit the ball every time he cam up to bat. He may have had the best game of all the boys.
In the evening my wife was still unhappy with mne as I had a committmen to the meeting that night. She was also unhapy that I had a trip to a felloowship business mtg. the next morning. My sponsor was at the meeting so he relieved me and I got to stay home and help my wife.
I called a sponsee this evening and spoke to him about how he is doing.
I talked to my sponsor and grand sponsor about the problem at the meeting.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Why Sprirituality?
For Life, Love, and Inspiration,
Life - The health of my mental and emotional core. I need restoration when I am not functioning right, I need regeneration when I am emotionally tired, I need vitalization to grow.
Love - To connect to others, otherwise I cannot stand people. To keep me morally anchored so that I don't separate myself from others by my desires and motives.
Inspiration - Spirit is the place from where all my best thoughts ideas and reasons for living come from.
For Life, Love, and Inspiration,
Life - The health of my mental and emotional core. I need restoration when I am not functioning right, I need regeneration when I am emotionally tired, I need vitalization to grow.
Love - To connect to others, otherwise I cannot stand people. To keep me morally anchored so that I don't separate myself from others by my desires and motives.
Inspiration - Spirit is the place from where all my best thoughts ideas and reasons for living come from.
Last night I didn't get a chance to review so I am doing it the morning of the 5th.
Yesterday I started out with a carry over of the previous days blues but I quickly abserved this and prayed to be rid of these feelingds and to leave them in yesterday and start a new day.
I had a good morning at work, I didn't get behind and i stayed focused most of the time. I even did my typing training. I didn;t get to go to the noon meeting but it was ok as I needed to have presence in the office this day. I was inspired to start a new process document.
In the evening I got out of work on time to get a good start to my son's baseball practice. On the walk to teh parking garage downtown I decided to stop rushing and to appreciate each moment rather than being so focused on my next affair that I miss them all.
I got to speak to a friend who wants to do the work. We met and were about to get started a few weeks back but he went to outpatient treatment and I've only spoken to him a few times. I look forward to working with him, he is a father and a family man.
We had a good baseball practice.
When I got back home I was tired and I got somewhat resentful at some point. My wife went to her meeting and I didn't get to do the tasks taht I expected to be able to do. I resisted as best I could but I believe that I was closed up and distant to my her. I tried to be grateful that she is an active member of the recovery fellowship.
Yesterday I started out with a carry over of the previous days blues but I quickly abserved this and prayed to be rid of these feelingds and to leave them in yesterday and start a new day.
I had a good morning at work, I didn't get behind and i stayed focused most of the time. I even did my typing training. I didn;t get to go to the noon meeting but it was ok as I needed to have presence in the office this day. I was inspired to start a new process document.
In the evening I got out of work on time to get a good start to my son's baseball practice. On the walk to teh parking garage downtown I decided to stop rushing and to appreciate each moment rather than being so focused on my next affair that I miss them all.
I got to speak to a friend who wants to do the work. We met and were about to get started a few weeks back but he went to outpatient treatment and I've only spoken to him a few times. I look forward to working with him, he is a father and a family man.
We had a good baseball practice.
When I got back home I was tired and I got somewhat resentful at some point. My wife went to her meeting and I didn't get to do the tasks taht I expected to be able to do. I resisted as best I could but I believe that I was closed up and distant to my her. I tried to be grateful that she is an active member of the recovery fellowship.