This morning during prayer I had some thoughts about my will.
My decisions = motives > plans > actions
I pray that I make decisions based upon spiritual principles not pleasure principles.
I pray that I not rationalize my will over God's will.
Last night I watched a program about emporer Constantine. This morning I thought that I am proud to say I am Roman Catholic (as opposed to Eastern Orthodox) because I am part of Christ's construction of Western Civilization.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Friday, March 14, 2008
Last night I thought about teaching my 1st son to be the leader of his siblings. My first son is the child for whom I am learning to be a father. The others get the benefit of experience. So my thought came from putting extra effort into his formation and from teh acceptance of the fact that we have made and will make the most mistakes with him. The acceptance came from the idea that he will be stronger for it. The inspiration came to teach him leadership and responsibility for his siblings an in that way give him added reason to be a better man.
This morning during meditation it the thought came that I should take the leadership role for my siblings. That I should place myself in my father's heart and be inspired to lead my sister and brother. I should do this by regular contact and love. Not by coercion or prodding. I should call then regularly and just talk about things and let the spirit guide us into the things that need to be talked about.
The Keystone
He is the Father, and we are His children. Most good ideas are simple, and this concept was the keystone of the new and triumphant arch through which we passed to freedom. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 62
This morning during meditation it the thought came that I should take the leadership role for my siblings. That I should place myself in my father's heart and be inspired to lead my sister and brother. I should do this by regular contact and love. Not by coercion or prodding. I should call then regularly and just talk about things and let the spirit guide us into the things that need to be talked about.
The Keystone
He is the Father, and we are His children. Most good ideas are simple, and this concept was the keystone of the new and triumphant arch through which we passed to freedom. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 62
Thursday, March 13, 2008
A WORLD OF THE SPIRIT
We have entered the world of the Spirit. Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. This is not an overnight matter. It should continue for our lifetime. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 84
Yesterday at lunch I took a long walk. On the way back I had a powerful meditation on the idea of step 3, turning my will and life over to God. I thought of the idea that my will and my life were previously based on a set of principles that weren't clearly defined but were at the core based on my pleasures. These were my pleasure principles. I couldn't believe the connection with the term that Freud used.
I thought about how the steps were the process by which I turn from a life driven by pleasure principles to a life based upon Spiritual Principles.
Yesterday my wife and kids were out of town visiting her Dad.
I made a fast all day and in the evening I attended a Communal Reconciliation Service and made the Sacrament of Confession. I was grateful that God provided me with the opportunity to make the service. I renewed my faith by reviewing my conscience, making my confession and meditating on the act of contrition. I was amazed to find that I had not really looked at the prayer for the act of contrition and it was a wonderful discovery.
I decided to memorize the act of contrition and treat it like my third step pryer. After I made my penance I took my third step prayer on my knees in church before God.
I felt lonely and aprehensive in a new place surrounded by people I didn't know and in a ceremony that I am unfamiliar with. But throught the Catholicity of it all I felt at home. The priest from my Parish was one of the celebrants. I was grateful to see him and I felt God's presence and love in a familiar face.
I saw a friend outside who goes to that parish.
Today I felt my faith reinvigorated. I took a long walk at lunchtime down 6th street. I saw all the tragicallly hip people crowded down the street for SXSW. Great music filled the streets through open doors from venue to venue. I stopped for awhile and listened to a great band playing music with eighties new wave influences. I scarcely was affected by the throngs of ladies that have been distracting me lately. I could smell teh alcohol in the air and was filled with the spirit of the daylong party. I could see myself not going back to work. I could see myself enjoying the festival without alcohol. I could also see myself in the past drinking too much and ending up on a binge using. I went back to work and was grateful to be sober.
We have entered the world of the Spirit. Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. This is not an overnight matter. It should continue for our lifetime. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 84
Yesterday at lunch I took a long walk. On the way back I had a powerful meditation on the idea of step 3, turning my will and life over to God. I thought of the idea that my will and my life were previously based on a set of principles that weren't clearly defined but were at the core based on my pleasures. These were my pleasure principles. I couldn't believe the connection with the term that Freud used.
I thought about how the steps were the process by which I turn from a life driven by pleasure principles to a life based upon Spiritual Principles.
Yesterday my wife and kids were out of town visiting her Dad.
I made a fast all day and in the evening I attended a Communal Reconciliation Service and made the Sacrament of Confession. I was grateful that God provided me with the opportunity to make the service. I renewed my faith by reviewing my conscience, making my confession and meditating on the act of contrition. I was amazed to find that I had not really looked at the prayer for the act of contrition and it was a wonderful discovery.
I decided to memorize the act of contrition and treat it like my third step pryer. After I made my penance I took my third step prayer on my knees in church before God.
I felt lonely and aprehensive in a new place surrounded by people I didn't know and in a ceremony that I am unfamiliar with. But throught the Catholicity of it all I felt at home. The priest from my Parish was one of the celebrants. I was grateful to see him and I felt God's presence and love in a familiar face.
I saw a friend outside who goes to that parish.
Today I felt my faith reinvigorated. I took a long walk at lunchtime down 6th street. I saw all the tragicallly hip people crowded down the street for SXSW. Great music filled the streets through open doors from venue to venue. I stopped for awhile and listened to a great band playing music with eighties new wave influences. I scarcely was affected by the throngs of ladies that have been distracting me lately. I could smell teh alcohol in the air and was filled with the spirit of the daylong party. I could see myself not going back to work. I could see myself enjoying the festival without alcohol. I could also see myself in the past drinking too much and ending up on a binge using. I went back to work and was grateful to be sober.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Yesterday I went to the noon meeting. A friend there spoke to me about a current struggle with his outlook on life. He is seeking the solution to recover from this bout.
Last night I was pondering something I share about the feelings asociated with using. I sometimes describe the feeling I used to experience right before the act. In a moment I was taken back to that place. I have done this before for teh sake of sharing my experience so I was not afraid. That moment turned into 5 minutes. I began to get drawn into those feelings. I set them aside and went back to what I was doing.
A short time later the thoughts came back. Again I was drawn in. Again, I set the aside after a few minutes. A short time later I had teh same exprience and this went on for some time until I began to indulge in the feelings.
This morning I had to make a serious effort to be rid of these thoughts. I sensed that I could be drawn into an obsession.
Last night I was pondering something I share about the feelings asociated with using. I sometimes describe the feeling I used to experience right before the act. In a moment I was taken back to that place. I have done this before for teh sake of sharing my experience so I was not afraid. That moment turned into 5 minutes. I began to get drawn into those feelings. I set them aside and went back to what I was doing.
A short time later the thoughts came back. Again I was drawn in. Again, I set the aside after a few minutes. A short time later I had teh same exprience and this went on for some time until I began to indulge in the feelings.
This morning I had to make a serious effort to be rid of these thoughts. I sensed that I could be drawn into an obsession.
Monday, March 10, 2008
Today I went to the noon meeting. I had some reservation after the problem I had last Friday. The last few pages of Bill's story were read before I got there and The first few pages were read when I was there. My friend Charlie shared about how he always felt things more intensely that other people and that he felt alcohol more intensely than others.
I shared about how these pages describe who "we" are and that "we" were necesary before "I" could admit the nature of my disease.
I got to read:
We hope this volume will inform and comfort those who are, or who may be affected. There are many.
Highly competent psychiatrists who have dealt with us have found it sometimes impossible to persuade an alcoholic to discuss his situation without reserve. Strangely enough, wives, parents and intimate friends usually find us even more unapproachable than do the psychiatrist and the doctor.
But the ex-problem drinker who has found this solution, who is properly armed with facts about himself, can generally win the entire confidence of another alcoholic in a few hours. Until such an understanding is reached, little or nothing can be accomplished.
No one mentioned the problem that happened last Friday.
Tonight I stopped and looked at bikes at Slaughter Bike Shop in my neighborhood. I went back with my son and bought a bike for myself and for him.
We took a ride around the neighborhood and I finally realized the moment I've been waiting for where he ad I rode side by side.
I shared about how these pages describe who "we" are and that "we" were necesary before "I" could admit the nature of my disease.
I got to read:
We hope this volume will inform and comfort those who are, or who may be affected. There are many.
Highly competent psychiatrists who have dealt with us have found it sometimes impossible to persuade an alcoholic to discuss his situation without reserve. Strangely enough, wives, parents and intimate friends usually find us even more unapproachable than do the psychiatrist and the doctor.
But the ex-problem drinker who has found this solution, who is properly armed with facts about himself, can generally win the entire confidence of another alcoholic in a few hours. Until such an understanding is reached, little or nothing can be accomplished.
No one mentioned the problem that happened last Friday.
Tonight I stopped and looked at bikes at Slaughter Bike Shop in my neighborhood. I went back with my son and bought a bike for myself and for him.
We took a ride around the neighborhood and I finally realized the moment I've been waiting for where he ad I rode side by side.
Sunday, March 9, 2008
This morning was "Spring Forward". I thought about this beforehand last night and when I woke up. The boys and I got going and made it to Church on time. We I got there and Father James gave me a handshake as if to thank me for being on time. The congegation was small today.
Or readings were about God giving us new life from death and sin.
when I open your graves and have you rise from them,
O my people!
I will put my spirit in you that you may live,
The middle reading spoke of being raised from Spritual Death.
Those who are in the flesh cannot please God.
But you are not in the flesh;
on the contrary, you are in the spirit,
if only the Spirit of God dwells in you.
Whoever does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him.
But if Christ is in you,
although the body is dead because of sin,
the spirit is alive because of righteousness.
The Gospel was the story of Lazarus raised from from the dead. I see several more lessons in this pasage than I have seen before.
The apostles were afraid that they would be killed if He went back there but He renewed in them the belief that He is the one who has power over life and death. I think this passage ties the story to an application in this life not just in the afterlife.
“Are there not twelve hours in a day?
If one walks during the day, he does not stumble,
because he sees the light of this world.
But if one walks at night, he stumbles,
because the light is not in him.”
Also in Martha he renewed her Faith:
Jesus told her,
“I am the resurrection and the life;
whoever believes in me, even if he dies, will live,
and everyone who lives and believes in me will never die.
Do you believe this?”
She said to him, “Yes, Lord.
I have come to believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God,
the one who is coming into the world.”
Father Barry said that Lent is a season of resurrection of faith.
Today's Daily Reflection was again synchronous as these three months have been:
SURRENDERING SELF-WILL
March 9, 2008
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 34
Today I renew my Decision. I turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understand Him.
Or readings were about God giving us new life from death and sin.
when I open your graves and have you rise from them,
O my people!
I will put my spirit in you that you may live,
The middle reading spoke of being raised from Spritual Death.
Those who are in the flesh cannot please God.
But you are not in the flesh;
on the contrary, you are in the spirit,
if only the Spirit of God dwells in you.
Whoever does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him.
But if Christ is in you,
although the body is dead because of sin,
the spirit is alive because of righteousness.
The Gospel was the story of Lazarus raised from from the dead. I see several more lessons in this pasage than I have seen before.
The apostles were afraid that they would be killed if He went back there but He renewed in them the belief that He is the one who has power over life and death. I think this passage ties the story to an application in this life not just in the afterlife.
“Are there not twelve hours in a day?
If one walks during the day, he does not stumble,
because he sees the light of this world.
But if one walks at night, he stumbles,
because the light is not in him.”
Also in Martha he renewed her Faith:
Jesus told her,
“I am the resurrection and the life;
whoever believes in me, even if he dies, will live,
and everyone who lives and believes in me will never die.
Do you believe this?”
She said to him, “Yes, Lord.
I have come to believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God,
the one who is coming into the world.”
Father Barry said that Lent is a season of resurrection of faith.
Today's Daily Reflection was again synchronous as these three months have been:
SURRENDERING SELF-WILL
March 9, 2008
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 34
Today I renew my Decision. I turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understand Him.
Saturday, March 8, 2008
Today I went to our area meeting in San Antonio and served my 12 Step Fellowship by helping do the business that keeps the doors open.
I have to make a difficult decision as my son had a baseball practice that I would not be able to make. My wife was not enthusiastic about taking the kids with her to the practice and it was not realistic for her to be able to handle them. I knew that she would have to ask my mom for help and my dad would not be pleased. He had stressed to me when he paid for the practice that I needed to be responsible for getting my son there and not make my mother have to do these things.
It was my mistake not to plan better so I strongly considered not going but I just had to put first things first.
My wife ran an errand to the store before my trip. She got back late and I had to go make copies of my committee reports. She didn't want me using the printer at home. I went to make the copies and I ran twenty minutes late to meet with the guys riding to the meeting. I shared with them that I was angry at my wife and I asked God to remove it. I turned my thoughts to helping my fellowship and my fellows in service.
I have to make a difficult decision as my son had a baseball practice that I would not be able to make. My wife was not enthusiastic about taking the kids with her to the practice and it was not realistic for her to be able to handle them. I knew that she would have to ask my mom for help and my dad would not be pleased. He had stressed to me when he paid for the practice that I needed to be responsible for getting my son there and not make my mother have to do these things.
It was my mistake not to plan better so I strongly considered not going but I just had to put first things first.
My wife ran an errand to the store before my trip. She got back late and I had to go make copies of my committee reports. She didn't want me using the printer at home. I went to make the copies and I ran twenty minutes late to meet with the guys riding to the meeting. I shared with them that I was angry at my wife and I asked God to remove it. I turned my thoughts to helping my fellowship and my fellows in service.