Last night I couldn't sleep and I got up and watched a movie, it was "The Nun's Story". I got to see the disciplined spiritual practices of a nun. I was particularly interested in the evening review that they did. I noticed that they were very straightforward in how they wrote their sins. I also got an idea of the sort of sins of the conscience that they wrote about.

This morning at a time I was not enthusiastic about going to mass.

The boys were pretty reasonably behaved.

Last night I passed out without doing an evening review.

Today I got to practice baseball with my son.

Thanks be to God for His graces.

Tonight I went to our Big Book study meeting. I looked at the story length beforehand and saw that it was short. The idea popped into my head that it wouldn't be that inspiring and that it would be the same experience as the stories I have recently read.

During our opening meditation I was moved to pray the set aside prayer for an open mind and a new experience.

The story was "Flooded With Feeling", I was flooded with feeling.

There was a point in the story where he said "...this is the part of my story where I'm supposed to say 'and then I went on for ten more years'" I was flooded with memories of the points where I hit bottom, became willing... and then I went on for ten more years.

I had to stop reading and put down my book. I was moved to tears. Then I realized that I avoided another ten years that I could have gone on. I was filled with joy.

Today we had several turns of fortune with our bills. We managed to avoid foreclosure and avoid anything getting turned off and my dad offered to pay for my son's baseball.

Tonight I remembered our Gospel reading about Jesus walking on the water in the storm and reaching out to Peter.

Thanks be to God for getting me through the storm.

Last night after a brief review I went and made peace with the family. It seemed like no one really realized that I was irritable. I was grateful that I did.

Today I finally found the simple words to describe something that I have been pondering for a lomg time. The 12 steps encompass the functional elements of religion and spirituality to achieve sobriety.

I got to talk to my sister today who is going through chemotherapy.

I got to go to a meeting at noon.

We are having a financial crisis and need a few hundred dollars to make the mortgage and avoid foreclosure proceedings.

Thanks be to God for grace in low spots.

Last night I didn't do a review because I was posting to a message board instead.

Today was very busy from start to finish. I felt as if I couldn't go fast enough.

At noon I got to go to a meeting. I had to stop and make a concerted effort to let let go of work before I entered.

This evening I was gripey and irritable with my family. We all need some discipline but I must let go of my anger and make amends.

Thanks be to GOD for all his graces.

This morning i felt the strong need for infilling of the spirit. In addition to my prayers I took some time to do a contemplative meditation.

Throughout the day I had several trains of inspired thought and I felt effective at my job.

The idea of belief and faith from a practical application standpoint may just be described as finding the proper perspective of value and priority of formation of the will or thought life.

Spirituality is a nebulous concept to the practical minded erson who is grounded in a materialistic world view.

When I did step three I had 3 things in mind in committing to the spiritual life:
- I desparately needed to escape my addiction
- I wanted to recover a manageable life
- I wanted a chance at achieving ideals that were never possible

I realized that the moment of clarity of purpose would be fleeting so I realized that making teh step three committment meant committing to the spiritual life even when I couldn't remember why.

Our Scripture reading in today's liturgy of the word was the story of Jesus walking on the water in the storm. Peter walks out to join him only to sink when he takes his eyes off the LORD. Out priest drew some paralells to the storm of fears in our lives. The first fear he listed was fear of losing employment. Later in his talked when speaking of the strength we get when we keep or eyes on the LORD he used the example of faith to leave a job that was oppresive and not be stuck there out of fear.

Yesterday I thought of how we often think that prayer can bring us good fortune. I wondered if it were more appropriate to think that God blesses us with instances of good fortune all along but that we are abe to make best use of this or be aware of it when we have had a spiritual awakening.

Today I was bouncing around an idea that came out of last night's meeting topic, the common purpose which binds us.

Our common problem
Our common solution
Our common mission

We went to church in shifts today and it worked out great.

This afternoon my parents visited and I was able to get my brother's and sister's correct contact information.

I thought about my sister this morning and realized that I was afraid to speak to her because I didn't know what I might say to her. It would be easy if she were a person of faith but she is not. Then some inspired thoughts came to me. I would tell her that the experience that she is going through might be much like mine. I might let her know that faith in mission got me through it.

I might explain to her how I looked at people of faith and saw that they had something and I wished I could have that but that I couldn't have that because I didn't believe the way they did because reason did not allow me to accept the tenets of their faith. But then I started to look at what the tangible components of what they had and I realized that the power was in the depth of their belief. I realized that if I could find something to believe in then I could find that power.\

I could let her know that this power is the source of true miracles, not the material miracles that we are accustomed to hearing about but the inner miracles of strength to endure trials and willingness when fortune comes.

Time for bed.

Thanks be to God for a great day.

This morning I woke up and had a flood of inspiration and ideas. By the time I had this chance to jot them down I believe I forgot a lot of what I was thinking.

I thought about "my life was unmanageble" being another form of powerlessness, but this being powerlessness over my shortcomings, powerlessness over my instincts, emotions and motives, powerlessness over my disordered values, powerlessness over sin, I was powerless to manage my life effectively.

Step 2 says "a power greater than myself would restore me to sanity". Both my addiction and my life are grouped into that need for sanity.

Step 3 says "I made a decision to turn my will and my life", so the two areas of focus are distinguished since our primary purpose is freedom from addiction but this is inseparable from turning over and recovering in life.