We got up on time today and had a good morning. I was a little disappointed that my middle son wasn't feeling well and I let my wife talk me out of taking him to mass but my oldest and I went and he was well behaved.

Our Gospel reading was Jesus asking the disciples "who do you say I am?". I remember this time of the liturgical year for the past three years noe that I have been back in the church.

I thought about supporting our church more.

My mom visited today and we watched the little league world series championship. My son put on his uniform and really got into it. Afterward he asked me to practice with him.

Our house was a little crazy today and my wife griped at me in front of my mom and unfairly accused me of not doing my part. I resisted fighting back and just opted out. But I have been resentful since then. I need to pray to free from the anger.

I did a little service work on the website for my 12 step fellowship.

Thanks be to God for the treasures of heaven.

My prayer time this morning got interrupted by my kids. Later in the morning I sat and rocked the baby and watched the rosary prayed on TV.

I had to watch the kids by myself while my wife went shopping. I did this in fairly good spirits but I did get resentful at a certain point. I got over it.

I got my kids to watch Saturday morning religious cartoons and kids programs. I have done this off and on for a little while but I persevered today.

There was this moment today when my wife and I started bickering. I finally got frustrated and gave her a final. She dropped it and started being friendly but not conciliatory. I stayed bitter and quiet. I picked up Daily Reflections just then and read the reflection for today,

Can we bring the same spirit of love and tolerance into our sometimes deranged family lives that we bring to our A.A. group? TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS , pp. 111 -112

I made a choice to surrender and quit fighting.

My son and I watched Mexico win the international championship of the College World Series today and advance to the Championship.

A couple and their child came over to buy a doll house from my wife this afternoon. I was slightly irritable and I was not as friendly as I should have been. I feel now that I missed a great opportunity to be a good example of Christian charity.

In the evening my son and I had a great little batting practice at his school.

I heard one of my favorite priest speakers tonight say that addiction is a choice. He didn't just say it in passing, he was vehement about it. I thought about how this is "normie thinking". A person who has never experienced powerlessness cannot understand it completely.

He gave his reasoning and he didn't say anything profound (although he was passionate). He stated the typical case that by saying we are powerless we are not taking responsibility and we play the victim. He also stated that by going to meetings and identifying ourselves as addicts that we define ourselves as such for a lifetime. He stated that many people who have failed to stay sober in AA go to him.

I thought about how the main objective of understanding powerlessness is to fully realize and concede than one needs God's power, not to defer responsibility. In fact by stating that I am an addict I am stating that I fully accept and continue to accept the need to stay connected to God. By doing so I take responsibility for my recovery.

I wished that I could tell him about how people do not stay sober because they do not work the program. I wished I could tell him that the program is not meetings and dependence upon AA but that it is a set of spiritual practices and dependence up God. I wished I could tell him that AA led me back to God and back to the church.

I thought about how the idea that addiction is a choice is not new but is the age-old delusion of every addict and of many normies.

I don't fault the priest because this idea (delusion) is something that he is just as powerless over as I am over my addiction.

"I am carnal, sold into slavery to sin. What I do, I do not understand. For I do not do what I want, but I do what I hate." Romans 7 14-15

Thanks be to God for power over my addiction.

Today I almost didn't go to the noon meeting. I went out of duty and there was a low turnout. It was a good meeting.

I had a good day at work, we had a meeting and the topic I brought ended up being a collaborative project and a good contribution.

My mom took my son today and did all his back to school shopping.

Tonight I got to chair out Big Book study. We read "Winner Takes All".

I got to meet with my sponsor after the meeting and we conferred about a financial assistance issue that I feel uncomfortable with. He has a similar dilemma and needed to talk about it.

We also talked about or wives and he shared with me about how the best course of action is to pray for them rather than manage them. I connected this to the Gospel from Sunday about the persistent Caananite woman who didn't give up asking Jesus to help her daughter.

Today was my daughter's 3rd birthday.

Thanks be to God.

Today I was in the presence of my two bosses and the new guy. I sensed how they had a rappor with him that seems lost with me. I'm writing this down just to be sure and leave in today. I don't believe this is real or that it really matters. It is just my fear that is the problem.

On the way to the noon meeting I thought about a recent conversation where I almost had to let a normie friend know about my addiction. I thought about the conversation that would have ensued and how he might have thought that I must be struggling if I need to go to so many meetings still.

I thought about how I might have told him that a drink is so far from my mind that you couldn't make me take one. Then I realized that I often feel this way about it myself. I often feel like I am nowhere near a drink or drug. I remembered that I can't trust my feelings. I remembered that my obsession comes without warning or obsessing.

Thanks be to God for removing my obsession.

This morning I had a hard time connecting to God. I had to start my meditation over multiple times. I had a terrible time focusing and kept drifting into thoughts about my affairs.

Today at work I was also distracted too much during slow interludes. I really need to stay focused on productive pursuits.

I got to go to the meeting at noon.

This evening I cooked dinner for the kids and bathed them while my wife went to a class at church.

Tonight I got to watch the Little League World Series with my son.

Thanks be to God for a great day.

This morning I woke up late and tired and I cut short my time with God.

At noon I went to the meeting. The topic was tradition 5. I shared about how this tradition is important in keeping me focused on the primary purpose. As tie goes by I have a tendency to get mentally farther and farther away from the drink. Out of pride, grandiosity, and delusion, I can begin to focus on the higher planes of spirituality, psychology, good character, or religion, too much and lose site of how this relates to alcoholism. I heard people like this when I was new and they didn't fire in me the truth that I needed to see. It's not that these things are bad to talk about or that I shouldn't talk about these things but I must always balance these topics with freedom from addiction and alcoholism.

After the meeting I had some additional thoughts also about how these topics alone or with too much emphasis can be divisive. Our common purpose, solution, and mission and these are the axis of our unity. An example might be my religion. This program has gave me a rich spiritual life which led me through a path of comparative religion and eventually the Catholic faith. In speaking of spiritual matters I am inclined to want to share the fullness of my faith. But the extent of the program is basic functional elements of spirituality without any history, theology, or moral teaching.

This evening my wife got me a free haircut from a contest at a high-end salon. I acted ungratefully by fretting over what their angle is. I had to make amends quickly.

It was a beautiful cool evening after a long rain. I got to clean and fix a gutter and ride bikes with son #2.

Thanks be to God for a great day.

Today I had my review and I didn't get fired.

Tonight I was talking to s friend and when the subject of my troubles at work came up I again blamed other people. I need to stick to my side of the street.

Thanks be to God for taking care of me and my family.