This morning at work I got to have a talk with someone starting a family and needing a little encouragement.

At noon I got to go to the meeting and we read "He Lived Only to Drink". I noted that of all the stories this person seemingly had the least reason to drink. He had security, love, support, friendship, family, strong moral formation, good education, and even a spiritual life. He mentioned a heavily religious upbringing but I didn't notice any complaints about a lack of spirituality or disdain for it. He did describe often feeling shy and uncomfortable but I think this is something even normal people have, I don't think it can be the sole cause of alcoholism.

(note: this could be indicative of some disorder or incomplete spiritual life, but I will give the writer the benefit of a doubt)

The only thing that seemed to indicate his alcoholism was his reaction to it. I took this to be a prime example that just the physical allergy is enough to get alcoholism. Once he started drinking, he quickly progressed to great depravation.

I had a good afternoon and made it home quickly. I was resourceful and accepting about dinner.

Later I got resentful when my wife told me that she was dropping off the kids and running errands. She asked me if I was mad and I lied that I wasn't. It made me angrier that she had to ask me and can never accept that I just need a little time to get over it.

I need to ask for this anger to be removed.

Otherwise we all had a good evening and I am grateful for this day.

Thanks be to God.

Today was a reasonable day at work but I did notice the separation between people. I thought about how fear keeps me from reaching out to make connections and build relationships.

I got to go to the noon meeting. I was a little dissapointed in what I had to share.

This morning I thought again about how my using dream was interrupted by the dream people right as it was about to get started. It was interrupted just before the part where I usually begin to have the obsession. I thought that this had to be the choir of angels intervening a spiritual attack in that realm.

Tonight right before doing this review I remembered a website I was shown some time ago where people blog their drug experiences. I looked it up to see what it said. As I read the descriptions of their experiences I realiaed that this had aroused old feelings within me. Afterward I thought that I should't take this too lightly and just rely on myself to stop thinking about them, especially right before bed. I prayed for God to remove the feelings from me.

Today I got to go to the noon meeting. On my way there I contemplated how I had not helped anyone in the past few days. I received this idea that I want to focus more on helping others and less on myself. At that moment in my walk to the church where the meeting is held I remembered to think of God as walking with me having a conversation. I saw an alley and walked down it to be alone with God. I asked him to show me how I can help others more.

I was happy to see a friend their who had not been to our meeting in a while. We read from "My Bottle, My Resentments, and Me" again. When it was my turn I had already scanned ahead to the beginning of my paragraph to read and planned what I was going to share about my sponsor and about what alcohol did to me. But when I read the paragraph I was moved to share about my resentments also. I talked about a particular resentment that I rarely go to but I knew it was the right thing to say. Then a guy said he was at his very first meeting and he opened up about his difficulties and related to my experience.

On the walk back from the meeting I ran into a guy at an intersection who I hadn't seen in a long time who is still sober but struggling with unmanagability. Later after the meeting I got a call from a guy in a psych ward who has been deeply depressed. Then I got a call from a guy out of the blue who I hadn't heard from in a long time who is still sober. I was particularly grateful that when he asked me how things are that I had something to say about every part of my life and every member of my family.

On the way to my vehicle I realized that my weekdays are starting to be just as good as my weekend days.

This afternoon I took my youngest daughter out to explore the front yard while everyone else was gone. When they came home a kid from the neighborhood came and played and motivated my son to throw the football like I wanted him to.

Thanks be to God for answering my prayers.

Saturday I went to bed without an evening review.

Sunday morning I had the beginnings of a using dream. Just as the dream was kicking off it was drowned out by a chorus of dream characters.

Sunday morning my boys and I made it to church on time and they behaved fairly decently.

My wife and daughter made it on time and peacefully also. Today was the first time that my daughter ever came back and was able to asay that she did not misbehave. I need to reward her for that.

A neighbor kid came to play and then darted back home suspiciously. I suspected that he might have taken something and I found myself think poorly of him when he came back later. I decided to value people over thinghs and to treat him with the benefitof of a doubt. I resisted thinking badly of him and I experienced a change of heart and really enjoyed seeing him play with my son. We invited him for dinner.

In the afternoon we watched the beginning of a ball game but I oculd not just sit and watch it selfishly. I took the kids all outside to play while I sanded their wooden playset swinghorse.

In the evening I got inexplicably exhausetd and retired early. I realize that I still had a cold and we had two ball games this weekend.

Today was a very busy morning in which I was buried in my work. Bt at noon I got to go to the noon meeting. It was a much needed interlude.

We read from the personal story "My Bottle, My Resentments, and Me. We read several paragraphs about a low bottom alcoholic. I observed the stark contrast with the previous story, "Window of Opportunity". I thought about the diverse and extremely variant backgrounds of people who have alcoholism. I thought about how they only have two common threads, the presence of the disease, and the spiritual malady.

I thought about how people come to recovery at various stages in the progression. I thought about how the disease is not limited to those with previous disorder but also affects those with succesful lives. Likewise, recovery is not limited to those who have not progressed beyond all hope, but even the worst low bottom cases can find recovery.

I thought about the alcoholism spectrum. About how people have varied symptoms to different extremes. I think we have a tendency to set the bar for alcoholism too high. I think the measure simply has to be whether or not it affects our lives and whether or not we can leave it alone.

Tonight my son and I had a baseball game and I forgot to open the meeting house and I forgot to call someone and make sure they knew I would not be there to open.

We had a great game and my Dad took us out to eat afterward.

Thanks be to God for a Spiritual Awakening.

This morning I thought that I need to continue to look at the meaning of a spiritual awakening.

At noon we read about a twelfth step jod well done and about carrying the message and practicing the principles.

I thought that this is how I should determine if I have practiced the twelfth step well:

Did I try? - Did i think to practice the principles in my affairs? Or, do I just act impulsively? Did I try to carry the message? Or, do I just aimlessly share?

Did I execute? - Did I actually apply the principles (inventory, God-reliance, amends) in my affairs? Or, do I just intend to and hope that I did? Did the message I carried focus on the principles? Or, did I share my story, troubles, advice, religion, or opinion?

Did I get results? - Did I stay sober? Or, did I base my success on whether the other guy did or did not get sober? Was I restored to sanity? Or did I put my expectations on a turn of fortune or someone else changing?

Today I was inundated at work but I did my best.

A person in distress asked me for my advice on financial troubles and I got to share experience with him.

I had a wonderful evening with my family.

Thanks be to God for taking care of us all.

This morning one of my customers had a huge problem in which some advice that I gave him contributed to the problem. Either I or our company miscommunicated. He called the owner of the company and I was in a difficult position because someone else higher than me might also be faulted. The owner called the customer after speaking to me and I expected the worst. When my boss called me back I was shocked to hear that everything was OK and he just needed me to give the customer some TLC.

I realized just how powerful God can be in changing any circumstance.

Thanks be to GOD for peace of mind.