Morning Thoughts
Belief is the pedestal of trust
Belief is the foundation of faith
Belief is the dynamo of motive
At first faith = trust + belief + action = more faith
In time faith = trust + belief + love
All of my life I have sorted people into 2 groups, those who are against me and those who are with me. The disease concept for the spiritual malady has helped me to see that the people who are against me are perhaps spiritually sick too so I am able to forgive them. This also helps me to see that those who I think are with me are succeptible to the same malady and thus are capable of letting me down.
I must let go of my expectations for either group.
This explains a lot of things and diffuses some of my fear of the unexpected.
The last thing that happened this morning was a meeting in which my peers and I were read the riot act. We were issued an ultimatum to adhere to some intensive directives for performance or else. I got the impression that no matter what someone is going to get cut.
After our meeting everything changed in our workplace. It is like the bubble of enlightenment that we lived in has burst. We were told that if we needed to work through our lunch or stay after for a couple of hours that we should do that.
When the meeting let out I had to get out of the office. I thought that I needed to step out of the atmosphere of fear and worry. I burst out into the day made the sign of the cross and said a prayer. I asked God to remove my fears so that I may better be the person he needs me to be. I looked around me on the street at main and main in the heart of downtown and I seemed to see a person from every walk of life. And no matter how well off or down and out that they looked I saw people that needed a solution to the mystery of life. And I saw drunks and addicts. I walked to my meeting and I thought that I had nothing to fear, that God is my real employer and helping others is the real job that matters. I remembered that he has always taken care of me and my family and I remembered to believe that he always will.
I got to the meeting and we read the end of page 89 about prayer and meditation and the beginning of the chapter "Working With Others".
Thanks be to God.
As we go through the day we pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action. We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many times each day "Thy will be done." We are then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity, or foolish decisions.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Today I got to go to the noon meeting. It was sparsely attended but we managed to talk for an hour. There was one guy there who was court ordered and probably not alcoholic. He was very gracious and I'm not sure what he thought. I questioned the effectiveness of the meeting but a friend with a long time shared about his struggles with something that I was able to speak to. A guy commented on forgetting about being an alcoholic and beginning to think we are more like normies than alcoholics and that is exactly what I needed to hear.
Today a guy at work had issues like I did 6 mos ago. He looked to me for some support, the only thing I could do was say that I had been through it also. I tried to call him tonight but I know that I can only offer moral support not advice. I think I need some of that myself.
Today I thought alot about the inner dispensation of thoughts. I also remember to apply the sign of the cross to dispense of bad thoughts.
Tonight all of us in my home seem to be struggling with low grade self will.
I am exhausted and just want to get to bed.
Today a guy at work had issues like I did 6 mos ago. He looked to me for some support, the only thing I could do was say that I had been through it also. I tried to call him tonight but I know that I can only offer moral support not advice. I think I need some of that myself.
Today I thought alot about the inner dispensation of thoughts. I also remember to apply the sign of the cross to dispense of bad thoughts.
Tonight all of us in my home seem to be struggling with low grade self will.
I am exhausted and just want to get to bed.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Main Entry: dispensation
Part of Speech: noun
Definition: allocation of supply
Synonyms: allotment, appointment, apportionment, award, bestowal, conferment, consignment, courtesy, dealing out, disbursement, distribution, dole, endowment, favor, indulgence, kindness, part, portion, quota, service, share
I have been looking for a term that describes what happens in the mind when a thought first begins. When an emotion or desire first crops up in the lower parts of the consciousness and the psyche considers whether or not that thought can proceed to the next level or into the consciousness.
I believe there are several levels of the psyche and at the entry to each there is a checkpoint where a subconscious decision is made. The psyche decides whether or not to allow the thought through to the next level. The closer to the conscious mind that the thought gets the greater the possibility that the act will be done. Once the thought is into the conscious mind it has the greatest chance of making into action.
In the healthy person there is never any question that the answer to the thought of a toxic behavior is anything other than no. But, even if the thought makes it into the conscious thought it still isn't very powerful.
In the mind that has been conditioned by exposure to the behavior the thought blazes through the check points and then it is up to the conscious mind to struggle futilistically to make a choice that it doesn't have the power to make.
A belief in a higher power which precludes the behavior can be strong enough to obliterate the thought at the early checkpoints. The desire is stopped before it can proliferate in the higher levels of consciousness and the conscious mind never has to attempt to make a choice.
I believe this is where the higher power is more effective than the reason.
Today I realized that I am fanatically pro-life.
Today I am grateful that God gave me some insight to present a good idea on our forum at work.
Today I am grateful for support from one of our company leaders when some of my fellow employees were dismissing it out of hand.
I had a nice evening with my family. Thanks be to God.
Part of Speech: noun
Definition: allocation of supply
Synonyms: allotment, appointment, apportionment, award, bestowal, conferment, consignment, courtesy, dealing out, disbursement, distribution, dole, endowment, favor, indulgence, kindness, part, portion, quota, service, share
I have been looking for a term that describes what happens in the mind when a thought first begins. When an emotion or desire first crops up in the lower parts of the consciousness and the psyche considers whether or not that thought can proceed to the next level or into the consciousness.
I believe there are several levels of the psyche and at the entry to each there is a checkpoint where a subconscious decision is made. The psyche decides whether or not to allow the thought through to the next level. The closer to the conscious mind that the thought gets the greater the possibility that the act will be done. Once the thought is into the conscious mind it has the greatest chance of making into action.
In the healthy person there is never any question that the answer to the thought of a toxic behavior is anything other than no. But, even if the thought makes it into the conscious thought it still isn't very powerful.
In the mind that has been conditioned by exposure to the behavior the thought blazes through the check points and then it is up to the conscious mind to struggle futilistically to make a choice that it doesn't have the power to make.
A belief in a higher power which precludes the behavior can be strong enough to obliterate the thought at the early checkpoints. The desire is stopped before it can proliferate in the higher levels of consciousness and the conscious mind never has to attempt to make a choice.
I believe this is where the higher power is more effective than the reason.
Today I realized that I am fanatically pro-life.
Today I am grateful that God gave me some insight to present a good idea on our forum at work.
Today I am grateful for support from one of our company leaders when some of my fellow employees were dismissing it out of hand.
I had a nice evening with my family. Thanks be to God.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Monday, January 19, 2009
This morning I couldn't find my glasses and my favorite hoodie coat. I realized that I may have left my glasses at the treatment center that I visited yesterday. I thought about my favorite Big Book that recently lost. I felt remorseful about the loss of these things that I am so attached to.
On my way to work there were two auto accidents that I had to stop and wait for. I also saw an unusual thing where a car was tailgating a cop and then the cop pulled into another lane and let the car pass and then tailgated the car. I wondered thought about how the crash might have been a drunk driver. I wondered if the tailgater was a drunk driver. The cop turned around and never pulled the guy over.
When I got to work my code didn't work for the alarm. The alarm went off and I had to notify security and call my boss.
Somehow I felt all of this meant something. I felt like these were a message. I think the loss of the things were meant to remind me not to be too attached to the material world. I think the crashes were meant to show me the consequences of attachment to the material world. I think the driver pushing the boundaries but not getting pulled over signified the subtle, cunning, seduction of sinful behavior. I think the alarm code not working was showing me that it's time to attend to something, maybe the sacrament of confession.
There was a striking, golden glow on the horizon this morning just before sunrise. I think this also was a sign of new era about to dawn.
Today I got to go to the noon meeting. The readings were pages 82 - 83. I got to read the two paragraphs about the tornado and the long period of reconstruction ahead. I got to receive the insight that amends are often just the beginning of an ongoing process. I think I must re-visit my amends for the coming Lenten season.
Two guys shared about how they disagreed with what the book says on some matters. They also described how they are going through some tough transitions. I suddenly felt a strong sense of unity with them both even though I disagreed with them I realized that even in our dis-concurrence we are still a part of each other's sobriety. I realized that each of the disagreements that they shared were things that I have shared about in my experience at other times I realized that the greatest opportunity for me to rebut these perspectives will be when I am sharing my experience for the sake of carrying the message on another day when I am not eve thinking of addressing them. This gave me a new sense of direction and motivation in my role in that meeting and in my willingness to participate. This also gave me relief about getting into disagreements with people. I don't have to fight them. I don't have to take on opinions head on. I just have to effectively carry the message in complete accordance with the principles and my experience. God will handle what other people need to hear.
Tonight my parents came to visit us and brought us a nice dinner. They delivered bad news about my sister. I had to resist telling them that I was overjoyed to hear this as I believe this may bring her to a point of willingness to change. I need to reach out to her.
Thanks be to God for a new awakening.
On my way to work there were two auto accidents that I had to stop and wait for. I also saw an unusual thing where a car was tailgating a cop and then the cop pulled into another lane and let the car pass and then tailgated the car. I wondered thought about how the crash might have been a drunk driver. I wondered if the tailgater was a drunk driver. The cop turned around and never pulled the guy over.
When I got to work my code didn't work for the alarm. The alarm went off and I had to notify security and call my boss.
Somehow I felt all of this meant something. I felt like these were a message. I think the loss of the things were meant to remind me not to be too attached to the material world. I think the crashes were meant to show me the consequences of attachment to the material world. I think the driver pushing the boundaries but not getting pulled over signified the subtle, cunning, seduction of sinful behavior. I think the alarm code not working was showing me that it's time to attend to something, maybe the sacrament of confession.
There was a striking, golden glow on the horizon this morning just before sunrise. I think this also was a sign of new era about to dawn.
Today I got to go to the noon meeting. The readings were pages 82 - 83. I got to read the two paragraphs about the tornado and the long period of reconstruction ahead. I got to receive the insight that amends are often just the beginning of an ongoing process. I think I must re-visit my amends for the coming Lenten season.
Two guys shared about how they disagreed with what the book says on some matters. They also described how they are going through some tough transitions. I suddenly felt a strong sense of unity with them both even though I disagreed with them I realized that even in our dis-concurrence we are still a part of each other's sobriety. I realized that each of the disagreements that they shared were things that I have shared about in my experience at other times I realized that the greatest opportunity for me to rebut these perspectives will be when I am sharing my experience for the sake of carrying the message on another day when I am not eve thinking of addressing them. This gave me a new sense of direction and motivation in my role in that meeting and in my willingness to participate. This also gave me relief about getting into disagreements with people. I don't have to fight them. I don't have to take on opinions head on. I just have to effectively carry the message in complete accordance with the principles and my experience. God will handle what other people need to hear.
Tonight my parents came to visit us and brought us a nice dinner. They delivered bad news about my sister. I had to resist telling them that I was overjoyed to hear this as I believe this may bring her to a point of willingness to change. I need to reach out to her.
Thanks be to God for a new awakening.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
This Saturday evening my wife was out on a job and I had the kids by myself. I didn't get to do my review.
In the morning I remember that we watched religious programming. The Bible Stories cartoon was the story of the young blind man that Jesus healed with the mud. I almost came to tears 3 times. Once when he finally found Christ and was healed, once when afterward he persevered to find Christ and thank him, and lastly I cried for Caiaphas when in his troubles he laid down to sleep and put on his blinders.
At mid-day I took my son to sign up for baseball. Thanks be to God for providing us with a little extra unexpected income that enabled us to sign him up. My daughter went to the ballpark with us and afterward we went for a drive through a nice new neighborhood on a hill and got lost. I found a place overlooking the little community where they ballpark is. I would like to have a home at a place like that someday. Those moments on that little adventure on Saturday morning are what I live for. It was like a dream.
In the afternoon I took the neighborhood boys to practice baseball at the school park. I was a little cranky and hesitant but we were all motivated by the one boy that didn't get to go last time and the older boy who I am trying not to judge. We had fun and I got to give them all a little guidance. When we came home I rounded up our toddler children and drove them to the neighborhood park. The older boys walked to the park through our friends back yard. we spent an hour or so there and they all had a great deal of fun.
It was a busy day.
This morning I go to catch the closing mass of the family event in mexico city on the Catholic TV channel. were late getting ready for church but amazingly we made it into the van on time. My wife and I exchanged high fives. The toddler kids behaved terribly. But through it all I managed to stay calm and focused on the mass.
After mass I planned to go to the treatment center for the H&I meeting. I almost didn't go because my wife was irritable from the problems in the mass. I got there just as roll was being completed. They all applauded when I walked in. I was the only one there and I had to conduct the meeting. Fortunately I had meditated on the paragraphs from page 50-51 about the thousands of people worldly indeed and was prepared to bring that as a topic. Thanks be to God.
This afternoon I got to do some batting practice with my son in his net.
This evening I got to test my God consciousness by avoiding resentment when I got to make dinner and bathe all the kids while my wife slept. At one point I yelled loudly and suddenly at one one of the children. It was weird because I wasn't seething with resentment, it wasn't building up to that moment, it just suddenly cropped up and exploded. I realized that I was taking on too mush of the effort to be rid of it. I was not praying for God's help. I did so immediately. I need to prove that I am truly free from resentment by going and kissing her goodnight.
Thanks be to God for a great weekend.
In the morning I remember that we watched religious programming. The Bible Stories cartoon was the story of the young blind man that Jesus healed with the mud. I almost came to tears 3 times. Once when he finally found Christ and was healed, once when afterward he persevered to find Christ and thank him, and lastly I cried for Caiaphas when in his troubles he laid down to sleep and put on his blinders.
At mid-day I took my son to sign up for baseball. Thanks be to God for providing us with a little extra unexpected income that enabled us to sign him up. My daughter went to the ballpark with us and afterward we went for a drive through a nice new neighborhood on a hill and got lost. I found a place overlooking the little community where they ballpark is. I would like to have a home at a place like that someday. Those moments on that little adventure on Saturday morning are what I live for. It was like a dream.
In the afternoon I took the neighborhood boys to practice baseball at the school park. I was a little cranky and hesitant but we were all motivated by the one boy that didn't get to go last time and the older boy who I am trying not to judge. We had fun and I got to give them all a little guidance. When we came home I rounded up our toddler children and drove them to the neighborhood park. The older boys walked to the park through our friends back yard. we spent an hour or so there and they all had a great deal of fun.
It was a busy day.
This morning I go to catch the closing mass of the family event in mexico city on the Catholic TV channel. were late getting ready for church but amazingly we made it into the van on time. My wife and I exchanged high fives. The toddler kids behaved terribly. But through it all I managed to stay calm and focused on the mass.
After mass I planned to go to the treatment center for the H&I meeting. I almost didn't go because my wife was irritable from the problems in the mass. I got there just as roll was being completed. They all applauded when I walked in. I was the only one there and I had to conduct the meeting. Fortunately I had meditated on the paragraphs from page 50-51 about the thousands of people worldly indeed and was prepared to bring that as a topic. Thanks be to God.
This afternoon I got to do some batting practice with my son in his net.
This evening I got to test my God consciousness by avoiding resentment when I got to make dinner and bathe all the kids while my wife slept. At one point I yelled loudly and suddenly at one one of the children. It was weird because I wasn't seething with resentment, it wasn't building up to that moment, it just suddenly cropped up and exploded. I realized that I was taking on too mush of the effort to be rid of it. I was not praying for God's help. I did so immediately. I need to prove that I am truly free from resentment by going and kissing her goodnight.
Thanks be to God for a great weekend.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Today I was blessed with an early rise. I was able to spend some time in focused meditation. I got to read the daily scriptures.
I was able to stay focused, creative, and paced at work. I was able to be a contributor at our meetings and our forum. I was able to avoid several instances of trouble that others were not able to avoid. I received a monetary blessing as well just in time for my son's baseball signup tomorrow.
I didn't get to go to the noon meeting due to work meetings. On the way home I ran into a friend on his bike. He is a friend who is trying to stay sober. We had a long talk about the spiritual life. I was grateful for this as I did not get to go to m y meeting tonight.
I stayed home and watched the kids while my wife went to a meeting. I got to go to the meeting place and open up beforehand so I got to do some service.
Thanks be to God for a great day.
I was able to stay focused, creative, and paced at work. I was able to be a contributor at our meetings and our forum. I was able to avoid several instances of trouble that others were not able to avoid. I received a monetary blessing as well just in time for my son's baseball signup tomorrow.
I didn't get to go to the noon meeting due to work meetings. On the way home I ran into a friend on his bike. He is a friend who is trying to stay sober. We had a long talk about the spiritual life. I was grateful for this as I did not get to go to m y meeting tonight.
I stayed home and watched the kids while my wife went to a meeting. I got to go to the meeting place and open up beforehand so I got to do some service.
Thanks be to God for a great day.