This morning I ha a hard time waking up but I had time to pray and meditate and read the daily scriptures. The first reading was the beginning of the creation where God created the heavens and the earth. This morning I noted that the sequence of creation seemed out of order in that the story tells of God creating the earth first and the the sky, and the luminous bodies. I realized that from a faith perspective this is the right order. That while the universe is immense that beings are greater. The reading composed a great image that served to re-substantiate God's grandeur to me. It served to smash the subtle doubts that gradually and imperceptibly accumulate.

The Gospel reading was a picture of the masses that gathered around the Lord and were healed. I didn't realize that so many had beene healed this way. I was intrigued by the account of so many being healed by merely touching his robe. I wondered if this were a metaphor for the way that his grace reaches to everyone in the world even to those who do not see him fully.

I remembered sometime yesterday that I heard the question of why God didn't heal everyone. The answer was that he did when he gave himself on the cross. Everyone received healing and eternal life.

Tonight I read Fr. Barron's latest youtube video. His description of encountering Christ of knowing he is there just out of sight is just like mine. I am not sure f I have written about it lately but I still get the ringing in my ears in spiritually inspired moments and I have been seeing the pinpoint of light opening up from time to time.

Today I got to go to the noon meeting. We read from the family afterward starting on page 125. I saw the pages that we read in a much clearer light. I saw a few major points that were an overall context that I had not seen before. I saw a theme of over enthusiasm in many different areas of life that can be as inconsiderate to the family as drinking was even though they are good. I saw how I had done all of these and failed to stay sober. I saw that I had been emotionally, morally, and intellecually as abusive as I had been with alcohol. I saw that many times I had seen it too but just as with alcohol I had leaned too heavily on will power.

I got to go to the noon meeting

This morning I took the two toddlers to mass. I was grateful that they did a little better. We still had problems but I also did better in not getting too mad. Our priest gave a wonderful homily about the problem of suffering and the healing grace of the Lord.

I had an interesting experience during communion when I sat down and was focusing on union with the Lord. My daughter was fidgeting and I thought I felt a hand on my shoulder, it felt like the Lord. Then she was caressing my arm and I thought i felt many little hands on me like angels.

My wife did the children's liturgy at 11:00. Afterward she forgot to come straight home. She forgot that I had the meeting at the treatment center. I got angry for a moment and then prayed for God's to remove it. I decided that it would be too late for me to make it I realized that I should let God decide that and I instantly knew what the answer was.

When I got to the meeting the guys were about to start without an outside chairperson. We had a great meeting.

I had a great day the rest of the day with the family.

Last night I didn't make a post because I posted my story on a sobriety website. I noted tonight that I have been doing an evening review verbally with the kids every night when I pray with them. It just dawned on me the importance of teaching this to them. I need to do it more deliberately.

Today I had the same sins as usual, I spoke rudely to the kids, I had brief sexual thoughts, and I didn't try hard enough to help others.

Today the good things I did were:
I watched the Nest Family movie about Jesus - Son of God with the kids.
I did some maintenance to the kids playscape to make it more secure and add another slide.
I did some major yardwork and cleaning.
I did some baseball practice with my son.
I let my wife sleep all afternoon and did not get resentful.
I bathed all four kids and fed them bedtime snacks.

Thanks be to God.

Today I am thankful for peace of mind, perseverance, and intuition on a low energy day.

Today at the noon meeting we read some pages that we had just recently read. For some reason I just didn't have creative, structured thinking. I spoke in a sort of stream of consciousness manner but at least it was cohesive. I doubt if anyone quite understood but I did. I was a little disappointed but I tried to carry the message today and so I find comfort in having done step 12.

Tonight I thought of a simple angle that I could have shared from. I realize now that I was in a low grade state of emotional disturbance and fear.

This evening was another blessed evening with my family.

Thanks be to God.

Today at the noon meeting we read from To Wives. I got to read...

You would suppose that men in the fourth classification would be quite hopeless, but that is not so. Many of Alcoholics Anonymous were like that. Everybody had given them up. Defeat seemed certain. Yet often such men had spectacular and powerful recoveries.

I thought about how all recoveries are spectacular and powerful in their own right.

Tonight I was in the bathroom thinking about part of my story. Without realizing it I started talking out loud. When I came out my wife started questioning me about who I was talking to... LOL.

A good day.

This morning while waiting for my work terminal to run updates I caught a bright spot on the horizon looking east. I watched teh morning sky for teh next ten minutes and saw the first beads of the sun's light peep over the edge of the world.

On my walk to the noon meeting I was very distracted by my last caller's dillema and I was late. I prayed feebly for centering and resolved to continue.

I walked up to the meeting and there were two guys standing outside. I didn't think it was enough to constitute a real meeting and my expectations were low.

We read the last few paragraphs of the chapter on step 12 in the twelve and twelve about the transformation from self centered worldliness to other centered spiritually minded people. A guy shared an analogy about old-self new self in which the old self is like a house with a grandiose facade but when you enter it is just a shack with no substance. It occurred to me that this is a great analogy for the spiritual life. That my previous world view was a facade with no substance on the inside. And conversely, the spiritual life looked like an inadequate shelter to me when I first considered it. But when I entered it was much larger than I expected. Not only was it much larger but it was full of great treasures. It proved to be a great mansion.

Today I am thankful for the fruits of the spiritual life that God blessed me with this weekend.

Yesterday I finally got to fix the window that I broke this time last year. This helped me to see that we have not had that type of anger in our home in all that time.

Today I woke up late and tired but we made it to mass.

This afternoon I got to go to the CA H&I meeting at the treatment center. I had trouble finding spiritual clarity this morning so I brought a topic on step 3 on why it's important to make that commitment so that when I am unclear about why I need to do some spiritual work that I just do it on my spiritual schedule motivated by my 3rd step commitment. Is it time to pray? Is it time for a meeting? Is it time for inventory? Have I missed spiritual tasks?

Today I had a bit of dilemma over my son's friend, the kid I suspect of stealing from him. I saw him pick up a toy and hide it beside him in his hand. He snuck around the corner of the house. I looked out another window and he was sneaking up on my son and pretending to stab him. This and several other things today made me angry at that kid. It made me want to run him off. I know I need to keep a charitable spirit toward him but I am concerned that he is older and his family is teaching a criminal culture to him and he is bringing it to my young son and his friends. Plus I have seen him walking out of our house before in that same sneaky way.

God save me from being angry and self righteous, Thy will not mine be done. God please show me what the right thoughts and actions should be.

This evening i got to spend time with my Dad watching the super bowl. We got to talk about our family members that are suffering from their self-will. I hope that I was able to be helpful.

Thanks be to God for the fruits of the spiritual life.