Today I got to go to the noon meeting. I had to leave before speaking but i got to read and hear what I needed to hear.

I was grateful to finally get my glasses this evening.
I got to meet with a sponsee later. We worked the first three steps. During the the third step prayer I forgot one of the lines and he burst into his own prayer.
It was the best third step I've ever done.

Tonight my wife was sick so I had to handle the kids b myself.

Thanks be to God.

This morning we got off to church late but we got there on time. My wife got stressed out with the kids and i felt that it was because she didn't wake up until 9:30. But, I had to let it go and just remember that it is more important for me not to stay angry and to forgive her.

Our priest gave a very good homily about being between a rock and a hard place. Our first reading was from exodus about Moses getting water from a rock. He drew the analogy of being stuck between a rock and a hard place. That the hard place as our expectations, anxieties, and doubts and that the water from the rock as God's ability to solve them. The Gospel reading was Jesus giving water to the Samaritan woman and about the living water.

I thought about my spiritual experience and about my doubts and eventual surrender and leap of faith. I also thought about how this works today about how when trouble comes and I can't see a possible resolution that I must still believe in the living water from the rock.

After mass i went to the treatment center meeting. We guys on the panel were a little flat but solid. we had a good meeting and a guy asked me to sponsor him. I thought about stressing the important of surrender. I though about how important it is to explain what working a step entails; the study (and writing), the guidance, and the prayer or affirmation. I gave him an assignment and told him to give me checkin calls. I forgot to tell him to call me even if he fails to do everything.

When I left I talked to my sponsee that I didn't hear from yesterday. We are going to meet tomorrow afternoon.

Afterward I went to pick up my glasses. I put them on and found that I made a mistake in not ordering bifocals. I found that my vision has gotten worse and that I don't have a choice. I had left with my readers but decided that I had to go back and exchange them. I was very disappointed. I am grateful that God gives me the assertiveness to go back and do the right thing but it is going to cost more and I can't see how we can afford it. I also have to practice some delayed gratification and wait until tomorrow. Nevertheless I am grateful that I will get the glasses that I need.

In the afternoon I got to practice baseball with my son.
This evening I got to play chess with my son.
This afternoon another guy asked me to sponsor him.

I don't know how I am going to fit in all that is going on in my life but thanks be to God that he can spring forth water from a rock.

This morning we had to stay inside because of the weather. I got to say a prayer with each of my children. I helped them to watch our Saturday morning religious programming.

I got to go to a meeting tonight.

I am grateful that I got to go buy glasses today.
I am grateful that I got to eat crab cakes for breakfast and steak for lunch.

Today I saw people at the optical store behaving like spoiled tyrants. I thought about how people in society today have things so good that they essentially live like kings. I thought about how I as a child used to feel like I should have been born into royalty. I used to think it might be evidence of reincarnation. I realized also that is why I had a problem with self-centeredness.

Thanks be to God.

Today I got some words of encouragement from my boss. I struggle to take compliments well especially in this case where it doesn't necessarily make me feel any more secure. I think this stems from the fact that my value system is just so different than theirs.

Tonight I had to practice some tolerance in our home as my wife got angry with me for not doing a better job with the kids. It was my fault for watching a little tv.

I get tired of not meeting peoples expectations. I need to give this to God.

Overall it was a good day. I did good at work and finished my review. I got to play a game of ping pong. I didn't indulge my hunger this morning and I ate fish for lunch and dinner. I made the dinner for my mom and I and the kids. I bathed the kids while my wife went to her meeting. I got to spend some fun time with each of my beautiful children. Now its time for the weekend.

Thanks be to God.

This was the toughest morning of the week. I had a really hard time waking up this morning. I was very tired at work at times. But, I noticed just how much less of an issue this is today than it was in the past. It's like there is a long time in which a reserve of stamina must be recovered and built up.

I had a work evaluation today that I forgot about. It was very unnerving. It is difficult because the behavioral expectations of the people in my workplace are based on principles that differ from those which i live by. I also am just do not feel like i am as swift a thinker as they are. Nor am i as involved in the business or work culture as they are.

Nevertheless, I got through the review with a good rating and my bosses told me that I had shown great improvement. Thanks be to God.

Last night I had a conversation with a guy who went to the Lenten Mission with us. He asked many intellectual questions about faith which threw me for a loop. I felt at times that he was intentionally putting together difficult phrases and not entirely making sense or purposely making overly complex arguments. It was as if he kept trying to goad me into contradicting myself and at times I struggled not to. At one point I realized that I was misstating the conviction that I should hold about my faith.

I realized that this may be a form of disordered thinking, of intellectualism. The ISM is the over-value of intellect as the sense of self worth. Intellectualism becomes a form of excessive pride and self-righteousness. In the case of last night it becomes so dis-ordered that the person can begin to use it as a tool to build oneself up and demean others or prop up one's opinion. I think in this case it is so bad that one could be making false or meaningless statements as leverage.

It bothered me that I may be relying too heavily on pleasing people and watering down my faith. I need to develop a deeper conviction to the truth of my faith. I am sorry Lord for straying from the firmness of truth toward relativism.

Thanks be to God for all the blessings and graces that I have received today.

Today I got to go to the noon meeting, we read from AA #3. I thought about my last blackout and how my life is a dream now. I thought about my faith must go through my hands and my feet in order to get to my heart. The belief in my head is not faith until it goes through my hands and my feet to my heart.

Tonight 3 of my friends came to the Lenten Mission w/Fr. Charles Van Winkle, with me.

It was outstanding.

Thanks be to God.

Yesterday I got to go to the noon meeting. Yesterday was a busy day at work. Last night i got a free truckload of sand. It was a lot of work but I think it is important to take advantage of the gifts that God gives me.

When I arrived home my wife had to leave to go to the Lenten mission at the church. I was faced with the difficult task of unloading the sand, watching the kids (all 4), and bathing the afterward. I had to persevere to live up to the commitment I made Sunday to support this. I even had to motivate my wife to go. Thankfully she did, And thankfully I was able to get the sand done.

When she came home she had the glasses that I ordered on the web. Unfortunately they were way too small and looked cheap. I was very disappointed. I wanted to descend into a great deal of remorse, self pity, and blame. I had to pray for God to remove my self-centered fear and resentment. I had to see that I was to blame not my wife. I had to repeatedly turn it over all night and use my will to keep doing this even though I was still feeling it. I had to realize that at some level I had doubt of God's power. I had to realize that I had an expectation for immediate relief and that it would take repetition and some time to pass. My remorse subsided considerably but not completely. I had to practice some acceptance.

My wife was mad at me for the disaster that the house was in. I had to resolve not to think that the mission was a mistake and to just let her be mad and not react.

Thanks be to God that we made it to bed in gratitude and peace.

This morning I had remorse over the wasted money on the glasses again but it passed with God's help.

I got to go to the noon meeting. We talked about step 3.

This afternoon I got a thought out of the blue for a few seconds of the inside of a bar and an ice cold beer on the way home. I prayed for it to be cleared from my thinking and it was immediately.

In the afternoon we had a great baseball practice. I was proud of my son's efforts. We splurged on ice cream afterwards. I showed him how to pump gas.

My new sponsee called me again.

Thanks be to God for another great day.