This morning we got off to a good start. My wife and I woke up on time and made a pancake breakfast for the kids. This is no simple task for our bunch as my autisic son has a special diet and my wife has a food program to stick to. She had to make his pancakes from scratch and then make her breakfast. We all got fed then preppked for church and made it to mass on time. I still haven't made it to confession and had to make spiritual communion.

After mass I went to the meeting at the treatment center. We had a good meeting and afterward I got to play a couple of games of ping pong. After that I stayed hearing fifth steps and it went way too long. I was there until after 5:00. I was resentful about this and had to pray for God's help. I was then grateful for the life that I have that I have a home and family to be late getting home to.

Thanks be to God.

Today I had to watch the kids all day. I managed to get through the day without any great difficulty but by about 2 o'clock I was feeling pretty coo-coo. This morning I got to watch the animated Gospel series today. The main point today was the question about why Jesus taught in parables instead of teaching more directly. Someone said that he teaches this way so that a person would discover the point for themselves. Jesus spoke about having an open heart through the work of the Holy Spirit. It seems to me that he was trying to guide us to have a relationship with the spirit not just get the point. I just read a good article about this.

I got to go to a meeting tonight, it was a speaker meeting. The speaker was a young person who really get's it and carried a good message. I spoke to her afterward and it made me think about how important it is to let these people know when they are doing this well.

I was grateful for my home group tonight and feel compelled to serve more now that I have more time.

Thanks be to God for this day.

This morning I stuck to my daily schedule commitment and woke up on time at 6:15. After feeding all the kids and getting everyone cleaned up and dressed. I had enough time to go for a bike ride with my son.

Throughout this day as most these days I felt undisciplined and disorderly but I managed to stay on top of household maintenance. During my job search today I made a decision to focus my search on a particular type of job. I also thought of how I would handle job offers that are not what I want, I will be honest and they will either not hire me or give me what I need.

Several times today I thought about how scheduled I need to be. Then it occurred to me that I should schedule things loosely for sections of the day and "due by" dates rather than specific times.

Today I remembered alot not to yell at the kids.

I didn't get to go to a meeting today because my wife had business during the day, my parents asked me to grill in the afternoon, and my wife had her meeting in the evening.

I thought a lot today about practical reasons for faith. As this day comes to a close I feel optimistic about our future and I feel optimistic about order and direction.

Thanks be to God.

Today when I woke up I made some decisions about a permanent regular schedule. My bed time will be 9:45 - 10:00. My wake up time will be 6:15. I also thought about some other daily tasks scheduled at regular times.

I got to spend some time with my parents this morning and we talked about how sleep patterns contribute to good health and good feelings about oneself.

I thought some more tonight about the process of finding belief through the AA steps without religion. I think that this is possible is because of the nature of the relationship between man and God. Knowledge and correct theology are not needed to have the connection, it is already there to some extent by nature, by design simply because we have a soul. The only thing necessary is belief in order to begin the relationship. Even if we have a poor understanding we can still drink from the spiritual tap. We simply stop the things that block the flow, and start drinking to improve our intake.

In religious bodies the traditions typically require that a person accept the articles of faith to begin the process. Their is no simple way to begin the relationship and allow the Holy Spirit to work in the individual as they study the faith traditions.

Thanks be to God for this day.

This morning in meditation I received a synopsis of the non-religious "gnosis" that is experienced in taking step 2 in AA. Being a devout Catholic I occasionally wonder about how I was able to begin the process of Theosis outside of the Church and without a clear conception of God. I know that all people have a natural capacity for communion with God just by virtue of design. I know that my religion gives me the fullness of this relationship that I would not receive otherwise. My experience was that I received enough power to get sober and achieve sanity without religion.

I tried to write this in the morning but I had to attend to some request and I wasn't able to complete it. Even now the baby just started crying in her room and I have to get up and check her. I get resentful that I can't stop for these things and I forget them. I think the idea was that since the relationship with God is a union by nature then a full understanding is not needed to make the connection to the soul.

I also contemplated the reason for praying the Hail Mary in the structure of the prayer. The first part is the Gospel narrative of the coming of Christ, "Hail Mary full of grace the LORD is with thee..." this is not meant to worship her but to declare Him; that he has come, that He is in her and she is with Him, also, to declare the Good News. The narrative leads up to the central figure of the prayer, "...the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.".

In praying the rosary the leader reads the narrative, then the congregation pray the intention of the prayer: Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners...

At about 10 am I was doing some cleaning that I haven't been able to do in forever and I found my 4 year coin from AA. I thought of how joyful I was to get it as it marked the milestone of the amount of clean time I had done when I was young. I lost the coin the day I got it and never found it again all that year. I was very disappointed. I remembered that I got the coin at the Central group and I realized that I could got to that meeting today. Finding the coin led me to remember to go to that meeting.

I went to that meeting and was grateful to finally let my friends know that I wouldn't be a regular anymore. We read from a personal story and I got to stay and hang out after the meeting.

As I was downtown I found myself feeling grateful that God gave me the opportunity to do the type of job and in the place that I always dreamed of. I was grateful also that I wasn't filled with regret and remorse as I would have been before the spiritual life.

I dropped off my friend and stopped to visit my sponsor on the way home. Later in the afternoon I went to my home group's meeting place and did some picking up.

Tonight I got to cook a fajita dinner for the family and watch a baseball game.

Thanks be to God.

This morning I woke up early and got my youngest son off to a good start. I got to work on my job search and found 2 good postings that I applied for. After all the routine morning tasks I was able to do a big cleaning project that has been desperately needed.

My wife had a job today so I had to pick up my son from school. He was very happy to see us and I love his reaction. On the way home I took the kids to the park and they had a great little time and even made a friend and saw some friends there.

In addition to my wife having a job I made a sale today for $100, thanks be to God.

I got to watch the animated new testament today in the afternoon. The story included the parable of the sower.

This evening I got to go to a meeting. Before the meeting I got to see an old friend and talk about a resentment. After the meeting I got to talk to another friend about a resentment. Our meeting topic was about resentments. As we read the paragraphs the words jumped out of the page and had multiple facets and depth of meaning, especially the part that said that for us resentment is infinitely grave. It was as if I was reading them with new ears.

Thanks be to God for seeds of faith in good soil.

Today my wife had a job and I had to take care of the kids all day. It was a good day and I only gripe-yelled a couple of times. I was able to pick up the boys from 2 different schools and take care of the girls at home. nobody got seriously injured, they got fed decent meals, I gave them each one-on-one attention a few times, I made sure to balance TV with play time, and made sure they watched edu-tainment only. I also made sure that the house was kept clean and in order.

I checked job postings throughout the day but because of the constant demands of the kids I was never able to be thorough or systematic. At some point during this day I fell into a low grade form of insanity. My thoughts went numb and I lost my sense of direction and initiative. I am grateful that we are being taken care of and my wife is getting these jobs. I think that I need to watch my expectations and I might be able to avoid this feeling of being lost.

After the kids went to bed and I took a shower I thought of some guides to restore my sense of direction.

1. I need to apply for 2 jobs a day.
2. My goal is either:
- to get a job with the government or a large company or institution (I don;t want to work for a small company again).
- to get a job for 40k or more per year, or to get a job doing something I love.
3. Do a thorough cleaning and makeover of this house.
4. Plan to go fishing.
5. Ride my bike.
6. Take the kids to parks and swimming.

Thanks be to God for this day.