This morning I felt spiritually drained. I wonder if it has to do with the intensive work that I did with guys yesterday.

I had weird dreams last night. The dream scenes were all parties with drinking and drugs but all my partying friends were cartoonish animals. I felt like I was on an X rated version of HR Puff-n-stuff.

My wife was out all morning so I felt like I wasn't able to anything but serve the kids. My mom and dad came to visit and I got the house clean just before they got here.

In the afternoon we threw some passes in the circle.

Thanks be to God.

This morning we got off to a great start with cornmeal pancakes. I think the gluten free meal really helps me to have a clear mind and to dispell the sense of aimlessness that I sometimes get.

We all got to mass on time and in good spirits. As the time came to go and we were close to being late and my anxiety began to rise I remembered to practice acceptance again and it worked. As the mass began they announced the liturgy of the word for children and the two boys elected to go. Then my wife made a rash decision to take my oldest daughter. From the moment they left through the second reading my youngest daughter cried at the top of her lungs. I quickly descended into a brainstorm of anger at my wife even though I was conscious of it and attempting to resist. The daughter never stopped and I had to get up and walk out with her. But, we encountered my wife and I had to turn around and take a humiliating walk back to my seat. I had to use all the willpower I could muster up for the next 10 minutes to turn it over to God and to make peace with my wife. I actually took a 4th step look at this during this time. It passed fully by the time we came to the sign of peace in the mass.

Who - Christie
Why was I mad - She left with the kids and the baby cried at the top of her lungs for 10 minutes.
What part of self was affected - pride, personal relations
My Part - I could have gotten up sooner, I could have not worried about what people think so much.
Fear - I was afraid of what people thought of me.

The rest of the day was a great little relaxing day at home. I was busy tending to the kid's and our home needs all day while my wife ran errands but I felt constructive and content.

In the evening I got to go to a meeting. I never got to share on the topic which is just as well because I would have sounded like a broken record. It was an interesting topic and several people were cross talking.

I got to do step work with guys before and after the meeting.

Thanks be to God.

This morning was grateful to be able to sleep in a bit. When I prayed I remembered that yesterday morning Thinking the most precise words that have ever come to me in morning prayer. But, this morning my thoughts were groggy and I could barely get through them. I was grateful to see the parable of the 3 talents and hear the songs on The Friar with my kids.

I got the kids to play outside all morning. I had a talk with them early about following directions and I applied consistent discipline all day instead of pleading. But, I still griped a few too many times. I resolve not to gripe tomorrow.

I did some much needed yard work in the storage part of the back yard.
I cooked lunch and dinner.
I repaired bike tires.
I got to practice baseball with my son and watch the astros.
I forgot to return a couple of calls.

It was a good day, thanks be to God.

This morning we got off to a good start and my wife was less mad at me. She had a flat tire at the grocery store so I had the opportunity to help her by going to change the tire for her. I was keen on that and it had the potential to really mess up my plans as I was supposed to meet up with a sponsee to do a fifth step. Nevertheless I resisted irritability and and realized that I was only a few dozen feet away from an air pump and 2 blocks away from the tire store where she bought them. I drove carefully to it and filled up the tire and drove to the tire store and dropped off the van.

This did interfere with my appointment but when I called the guy he had decided to go look for a job instead of doing the step work. Amazing how God has these thinks all worked out.

I listened to a well known speaker this morning, I was renewed in my enthusiasm to carry the clear cut message in meetings.

When or van was done I deliberated over whether or not to take my truck back to inspection because the engine light was back on. But I thought that maybe the reason for it to be on was not a failable error. I really didn't believe this and was further discouraged because it was the last day, but I prayed for God to help me in my decision and remembered that God could come up with something I might not even think of. Sure enough the reason the light was on was because the misfire was back. The technician then said that he would extend my time to get it corrected - Thanks be to God!

I went to the shop where it was fixed and got to talk several friends in the program and to my sponsor. Afterward I went to a meeting with one of those friends.

At the meeting I asked the lady if I was there at the right time. She answered, "yes do you want to chair?". I immediately said no and my conscience told me that I should have said yes. Just before the meeting I was reading about the spiritual experience. When the lady started up she asked if anyone would like to suggest a topic. My conscience told me that I should speak up but I did not. She chose the topic to be tradition 9. The meeting was a bit of a train wreck. My friend tried to share the solution and I tried to relate the tradition to the solution but the meeting had already degenrated into polemics about authority and a debate about singleness of purpose. Afterward I thought about how I should always be ready with a topic about the solution to alcoholism and will never turn down any opportunities to bring it. I also thought that it was no coincidence that I had randomly started reading about the spiritual experience.

This evening I got to throw passes with my son in the circle.
Thanks be to God.

This morning my wife got very angry with me again because I didn't get the kids up as early as she wanted me to. Several times my thoughts wanted to swirl into motion and whip up a counter attack but I had to resist and surrender.

I got to talk to 2 sponsees in the program. I got to get many tasks and daily maintenance done for my family.

I got to go to a meeting tonight. The topic was surrender.

Thanks be to God.

This morning my wife got angry because I didn't get the kids up by 6:30. The kids were ready by 6:50 which was 25 minutes before they needed to leave. Later in the morning she griped at me about it and I argued back. I didn't get too angry but I had to be assertive. I had to resist being resentful and leave things be once I had stated my point of view once. I had to let go of any desire for her to be convinced of my way.

It was a good day but I felt aimless again even though I did home maintenance tasks.

Two guys from the twelve step fellowship called but I wasn't able to talk to them as I was busy with the family.

Today I thought about Jesus' authority from today's scripture readings. The sermons I read spoke of his deep confidence in the truth of what he spoke but the thing that gets me is that we cannot fully comprehend just how astonishing his prophecy must have been because he spoke with the sort of mastery of revelation that exceeded the priest and scribes. Only teachers of the highest order had this sort of insight and only after a lifetime of learning and preaching. And Jesus didn't come from the learned class of people.

This evening the whole family took a drive scouting a location for a birthday party. I enjoyed the time in conversation with my wife

Tonight my wife got angry with me because I didn't agree with a punishment for my son because he went around the block to a friends house and because he was talking to me before bed. I had to agree to disagree.

Thanks be to God.

This morning I thought some about an idea that I have never quite been able to express in a concise manner. It is the method at which contemporary society approaches the problems in the world and the moral values that it prioritizes. Today's society holds that global warming, social injustice, geo political conflicts, economics, and governmental philosophies are the most important issues in the world and that everyone must devote all their energies become galvanized to solve these issues.

There is no doubt that solving these issues is important but I believe the solution to these problems is not to change the world but to change the man.

I believe that people would do better to focus on the means rather than the ends. The problem with all these issues is the short sighted decisions that people make that cumulatively add up to these crises. The problem is that people don't have self-control and higher vision. If the hearts of men were changed then these issues would be solved by attrition.

People are putting the ends before the means.

The means is a process of personal self-control of the basic instincts that lead to values and belief systems.

If this were the primary issue to which society devoted all of it's energies then the world's problems would disappear.

Today I felt aimless at times.

In the morning I got to spend some quiet time with my daughter outside.

It was somewhat cool again.

Thanks be to God.