This morning I thought of how I should measure my spiritual activities. I can measure them in effort. I can measure them in efficacy. But both of these measures are subjective and I wasn't able to do this accurately when I tried. The one method that did work for me was to use a time frame and check whether I had taken the action steps. Some of the steps are instructed to be done on a daily basis, "On awakening", "throughout the day", "when we retire at night", for example. Others are not so specific and may not be practically done on a day to day basis.

I found that a day, a week, and a month (rarely) are good measures. One seemed to be the best time frame because that was about the average length of my binging cycle.

Today I remembered something that I have been thinking about that I cannot effectively judge my behavior (or take my inventory) because I am viewing this through the lens of my own belief and value systems and if they are flawed then my analysis is flawed.

This morning I thought about when I would be able to make meetings this week. I realized that I have a small window of opportunity between 9-12 in the morning. All the weeknights are questionable and my wife was at school when I was pondering this so I decided to go ahead and go at the 10:30 meeting. I was grateful for this decision because when she got off from school she let me know that she was working tonight.

It was a good meeting and it was a good day.

Thanks be to God.

Today, this morning I was kinda sick but my wife was almost completely incapacitated. Fortunately I was in good enough shape to manage the children and to go out and find some resale items.

I thought some about the various forms of self:
self-reliance
selfishness
self-centeredness

I also thought of some other forms of self that help me better understand why my main problems is self:
self-validation
self-justification
self-righteousness
self-valuation

This afternoon I felt overwhelmed by the constant badgering with "whys?" from the kids. I am grateful that they are inquisitive.

An old friend saw a post about autism from my wife and came forward that two of his children are autistic. This gave me cause to reflect on just how far he has come. As I drove him to speech therapy today I was grateful for the thousand "whys?" that he peppered me with.

I got to read the grapevine while I waited and talked to a sponsee on the phone.

Thanks be to God.

This morning I as I woke up I had a profound thought that I wish I could remember. I wanted to get up and write it down but I realized that if I did this then I would be placing it ahead of prayer and meditation and I would be risking that I would not ever get back to it as the kids were awake and we would need to start getting ready for church.

Whatever it was it was so edifying that I felt inspired all morning. We were all able to get to church on time despite the fact that my wife couldn't wake up until the last hour before church.

At mass my wife and the kids were not being quiet and I started to get resentful. I had to resist and ask for God's help. During the liturgy my wife was distracted with the kids several times and tried to get me to attend to them as well. I stayed focused to the mass but again felt anger rising several times.

After mass I went to the treatment center meeting. It was a great meeting, we talked about surrender. Afterward I talked to a sponsee on the phone for a while.

This afternoon I was alone with the kids again and had moments where I was overwhelmed. But we made it through the evening and all was ok. I think that I must let go of all attempts at rest and all media as I am not keeping up meals and cleaning properly.

Tonight my son was afraid because my wife had told him about a lucid man outside the place where she was sitting last night. I terribly want him to sleep with me because I remember the night terrors that I went through when I was a child but I know he will have to face this fear and sleep in his own bed again sooner or later so I told him to sleep there until I finish this review.

Thanks be to God.

This morning went well, I got to sleep in a little and I made us a nice breakfast. I got to spend some time with my wife before she went to work.

In the afternoon we had a baseball game. I was a little apprehensive as the main coaches were not there and I had to take on a greater level of responsibility. My son got to pitch for the first time ever in a game.

Today I listened again to some of the Dines D'souza debates about God. I was again edified in my faith and in my approach to faith. I came to a conclusion that there are 3 basic reasons that people need to believe in God. 1) Because belief in God elevates us above the limitations of our desires and fears in a way that is not achievable by human intention alone, 2)Because... right now in my exhaustion I can't remember the other two.

Today a friend of mine died from the sudden onset of colon cancer. My heart grieves for him and his family but I am grateful that he got to experience hope in recovery before he died and that he had a belief in God to elevate him through his tragedy. I am also grateful that I got to see him changed and that he had become friendly with me in the past month.

Tonight was a little difficult because I was alone with the kids but I am grateful to be alive in recovery.

Thanks be to God.

This morning I had a thought that religions typically offer 3 propositions:
That man has a spiritual component to his nature
That man has a creator with a purpose for him
That the man will be lifted to a higher plane of existence through faith

I thought some more about the evolution of religion. Primitive faiths had tribal gods who behaved like humans, needed to be appeased and were responsible for all the affairs of the tribe including war, food, calamity, and punishment. Faiths evolved into a higher order with supreme Gods and with an emphasis on the spiritual philosophy and consciousness. The pinnacle of faiths is Christianity which is monotheistic, gives a philosophy for living, prioritizes the spiritual life, rejects violence, and provides identification through the condescension of God.

Christianity has also evolved.

This afternoon I took the three little kids to the park while killing time before picking up the oldest. During our time there I got a call from a guy who needed spiritual support. Toward the end of the call the kids began to demand attention. I was a little resentful. Afterward I was grateful for the opportunity to be of service and figured that God was helping me to keep from being overindulgent.

I got to take the kids to the park in the nice weather twice today.
I got to take my son to baseball practice.

Thanks be to God.

This morning we got off to a good start and everyone made it on time.

I thought about my sobriety program and decided I had better make a meeting today or else I might not get a chance before Monday. I went to a meeting at 10:30 am, we talked about step 10 and spiritual fitness. It was a good meeting and I got to talk to some good guys before and after.

Today I had some interesting thoughts about religion as part of the evolutionary process of man. Hmmm, I wish I could remember exactly what I was thinking but I get the general idea.

This evening my oldest son had a baseball game. As the game went on I stopped for a few moments and watched my other kids from the dugout. I enjoyed watching them have the most joyous times of their life running around with other kids and playing in the warm indian summer evening at the ballfield.

Thanks be to God for this day.

Yesterday m son and I continued what is becoming a routine of praying on the way out the door to school.

I am reviewing yesterday today because I was engrossed in another atheist vs. Christian debate video last night.

Yesterday morning I continued to pursue my obsession to restore the BMX bike for my son. I was dishonest and selfish in my decision that I had to buy hand grips and footpegs for the bike. I convinced myself that my son has to have these things and that we won't miss the money. Then I was remorseful for spending it - fear. Perhaps it is just the way as God intended so I will accept the gift and let go of my fear.

There have been several instances in the past few days where I have had lustful feelings when I have seen women in revealing clothes. The reason this is noteworthy is because the feelings have replayed themselves. I resolve now to become willing to let God remove them. I must remember that while these thoughts might not lead me directly to active infidelity, they will lead to desire that cannot be fulfilled and thus to discontent. Ultimately this is selfish and harmful to others. Lord Jesus - Thy will be done.

God has been blessing me with patience towards the children. I have been remembering to apply discipline without anger on a much more consistent basis this day.

Each of my kids has been requesting my affection every day, for this I am grateful.

I found some more free materials and worked on restoring the free picnic table.

This day I didn't speak to anyone in the program - this must be corrected.

This day I prayed and thought deeply about spiritual matters throughout the day.

I started practicing pitching with my son but had to go to the store for my wife. I resisted getting angry.

I need to do more cleaning in the house.

I am grateful to have a house - Thanks be to God.