This morning I thought of a few simple simple points to sum the 12 Step process:
Belief in Lack of Power
Belief in Higher Power
Personal Inventory
Mission Mindedness
Results through Action and Practice

I also thought about how I once objected to religion, faith, and 12 Step recovery because they focused so much on personal morality that I thought was irrelevant to "real" problems like world peace, global warming, human rights abuses, cancer, and Tibet. Who cares how I have sex or what things I covet, I have a "real" problem that needs a physiological or psychological treatment, not some ridiculous code of prohibitive rules.

What I didn't get was that my psychological disorder was a complex structure that didn't pop up over night. That the elements of that structure are a lot of bad behaviors that build up gradually from rebellious, to irreverent, to non-conformist, to deviant, to depraved, to toxic. I had to come to view my bad moral conduct as the building blocks of my insanity.

Also it isn't so much the direct consequences of those behaviors that is the problem e.g. promiscuity could lead to stds, rather it is the discontent that comes from unfulfilled expectations when the desires are driven to excess that leads to the real insanity.

I also had to see that I had failed to live up to moral codes and philosophical convictions on my own power. I needed the help of a higher power to command my passions.

Today I was grateful for some quiet time in the morning (after feeding and getting all the kids off to school).
Today I was grateful for the friend in recovery who called me and was my only contact all day.
Today I was grateful for my wife who is a faith filled woman and a good decision maker.
Today I was grateful for the beautiful weather and some time outdoors doing yardwork.

Thanks be to God.

This morning we took the kids to the park as they had the day off from school. I wanted to make sure they were able to get out of the house at least once today. We had a great little time, my son and I threw passes, I climbed the playscape with the little ones, and I went on a walk in the creek with my son.

I got to do some yardwork in the afternoon. My mom visited me with my niece and brought me enchiladas. In the afternoon I got to practice baseball and play kickball with my boys.

A friend called me and we had a long talk about recovery and fishing.

Thanks be to God.

This morning the boys and I went to early mass at 9:00 am. I woke up early with the boys and went back and forth as to whether to go early or wait for my wife (and the girls) to wake up and go as a full family at eleven. In the end I opted to go at eleven because I sensed that we should go before we got too far into the clamors of the day.

At One O'clock I went to the meeting at the treatment center, this week was my turn to share. My wife was late getting back from church and I waited in the truck and hurriedly backed out as soon as she arrived. To be honest I didn't even look at her and acknowledge her. I prayed for God to keep me from being resentful. I offered up my expectations to God also and tried to accept it if I was to be late. Thanks be to God I was not late.

I was a little disappointed that no one else showed up. I had a great topic (insanity as it relates to my willingness) and planned a well formed delivery but I was a little disappointed at my execution. I got a little sidetracked but managed to say most of what was important I believe. anyway, It got me thinking about a lot and I want to write it out to better master the subject.

It blows me away that there is this huge meeting and so few of the sober folks from the outside care to show up. I guess I should just be grateful for the opportunity. I guess I should also consider that part of my job might be to better promote this.

In the afternoon we had a wonderful family outing to a birthday party at Cabelas. My youngest daughter loved naming the animals and making their sounds. It was just like going to the zoo. My oldest son took part in a great store-wide scavenger hunt and the middle kids loved feeding the fish. We all had a great time visiting with friends and playing shooting gallery afterward. It was loads of fun and great memories.

In the evening I got to go to a meeting. I thought it might be selfish of me to go but my wife sensed I could use the fellowship with my friends and so did I. I was glad that I went because the meeting needed the support. There were lots of people there but not many able to comment on the topic. I was able to contribute and it really got me thinking.

Thanks be to God.

This morning I thought a lot about the importance of warm-ups. I thought about this in relation to baseball but I also thought about it in relation to all human endeavors including prayer. I thought about how one should learn some one liners that can be used to focus the mind and incrementally build up the prayer contact.

Last night we had a baseball game at 6 pm and I never got to do my review. The game went well but I can't remember anything else about yesterday.'

This morning we had another baseball game at 9 am. I was worried that I would be late if I had to take care of the kids when they woke up. Last night I told my wife that she needed to get up and help me and I immediately felt guilty for making this demand. I tried to let go of my expectation.

My wife woke up with me and all went well. It was a great baseball game in which my son got to pitch the first two innings. My son went home with my dad and I drove home by myself. On the drive home I was filled with gratitude and I was giving God many thanks when I realized that we hadn't even won the game.

Thanks be to God.

This morning I felt a little aimless but I dove into yard work and kept busy with that all day.

Earlier I was thinking about making judgements "by exception" and this led me to the concept of anti-patterns and toxic behaviors.

I thought a little today about natural law, natural order, and natural truths in general. It occurred to me that perhaps the might be a set of natural truths that could be used as evidence to support the existence of God.

For example:
1. All men have an innate need to worship something.
2. All men have an innate need for spiritual union.
3. All men despise the misuse of the highest truth.
4. All men have an innate need to procreate and live in a family.
5. All men have the potential for violence.
6. All men have the potential for sexual promiscuity.
7. All men have an innate desire for social order and personal security.
8. All men value the truth.
9. All men have a propensity for excessive desire.
10. All men have a propensity for materialism.

This afternoon my wife and I got in an argument about my unwillingness to help her immediately when she stepped out of the van and asked me to put some things away while handing them to me. We made amends shortly thereafter.

It was otherwise a great evening.

Thanks be to God.

This morning I was thinking about dishonesty and rationalization. How does one know if they are rationalizing something? Te rationalizing mind cannot discern the true from the false because it is viewing the world through the lens of it's justification. There have been times when I felt a person that I was talking to was justifying bad conduct but was obstructed by such fine tuned rationale that I knew it was useless. At this point I realize that the person is not surrendered.

I thought about the times that I (or my sponsor with me)have intuitively resorted to just having the rationalizer explain themselves and then answer questions. Sometimes the person will hear themselves objectively now that the thoughts are out in words and then catch themselves in their rationalization. Sometimes this is a delayed effect, the conversation is repeated in the mind and has to be justified and then it becomes apparent.

There have been times when this is not possible. The rationalizer does a mis-direction so emphatically that he does not allow any in roads. Perhaps at this point a good strategy would be to talk about powerlessness and unmanageability. In doing so the attention is directed to the source of the problem, ineffective surrender.

It occurred to me that this plan may be used in every spiritual endeavor. That at the beginning of every conversation there should be an affirmation of powerlessness thus laying the groundwork for increased honesty and open mindness. This is something that I can apply to myself also.

This morning I made a conscious decision not to go to the AA club due to the spiritual chaos I have been encountering there. I considered that this might be selfish.

I thought alot about selfishness and self-centeredness again today. I thought about how the problem is the "ishness" and the centeredness, this is where self has become disordered.

I wrote some thoughts on step 10 this morning prompted by the daily reflection.

I got to go to a meeting tonight and our topic was step 10 brought by someone who didn't know about the daily reflection. The meeting had a lot of attendees but there was a long silence when the floor was opened. I got to open the sharing because I had already thought about this topic.

It was an uneventful day but I felt like I really loved this day.

Thanks be to God.