This morning the Daily Reflection was about "The Bedevilments".  I thought this was apropos for the my lack of consistent action lately.  I shared some thoughts about it in the comments.

At noon I took a call from a sponsee in an inconvenient moment.  Even though my conversation was a bit distracted (by self) I was grateful not to have a guilty conscience for not making the effort.

I spent the morning shopping for sports gear for my son.  I was concerned that I should be doing school work.

In the evening I took a bike ride with my son.

Thanks be to God.

Last night I had a dream that there maniacal voices, entities in my head.  I realized that this is a recurring nightmare that is not part of my conscious awareness.

This morning I got my homework done.

This afternoon I took a phone call from one of my accountability partners that I have been missing even thought I was too busy and distracted to communicate effectively.  He and I had a great conversation in spite of this.

I got a call from a guy about putting together a group inventory for my 12 step home group.

My younger son and I practiced baseball in the back yard.

I had to load all my kids in the truck to pick up the neighbor's kid from school.  I sensed that I wanted to be irritable about this but I found joy in doing God's will.

My mother was gracious enough to babysit the kids while I took my son to baseball practice.

The grass that I planted in the back yard is beginning to sprout.  The bluebonnets on the rural road through the rolling hills to practice were beautiful.  I got to admire them with my son.

Thanks be to God.

This Easter Sunday we were up early enough to go to the first mass.

I thought of the Easter gifts from our Lord:
Courage to endure suffering, sacrifice, or difficult circumstances.
Redemption for our sins, or recovery from disorder.
Hope of eternal life to overcome the face of death.

At midday my extended family gathered at our home for Easter feast.  I got to say grace.

In the afternoon I took the kids to the park while my wife napped.  I was very concerned about keeping my younger son safe as he darted out in front of a car the last time we went on a bike ride.  As we were preparing to leave I became preoccupied with strapping the girls in their trailer.  When I looked up, my older son and his cousin had left (with permission) and the younger one was nowhere to be seen.  I looked around the corner down the street and didn't see him so it was clear that he was gone and had followed the other boys. I got worried sick as I thought of the traffic on the major road near the park.  I said a little prayer for him and set out with the girls.  It turns out that the older boys went to the wrong park down the street and when they noticed the younger one following they told him to go back and left him alone.  When I got to the park, he was making his way along the trail ahead of me.  I was thankful that he was ok but then I was worried about the other two boys.  I imagined the dangerous, steep drainage culvert where my son likes to ride.  I imagined the cousin having a wreck and breaking his arm and my son trying to help him.  After about 15 minutes they came to the park where we were at.  Thanks be to God.

We had a great time throwing the football at the park.  The cousin loved it and asked me where we learned this game.  When we got home I made the two boys write sentences.

We got to watch the opening day game between the Yankees and the Red Socks and we talked about what my son learned.

Thanks be to God.

This morning my wife and I had a garage sale together.  I say together because it is usually something that she does with a friend and I want nothing to do with.  But I am grateful for the endeavor together.  I am also grateful for the great amount of sales that we had.

At midmorning I got to take my son for a session with the son of my friend who is coaching him. This is the same friend who talked to me about getting him in baseball in the first place.  I am grateful for the role my friend and his son have played in our lives.

We had a great meal for lunch and a good nap afterward.  I got to watch the Easter Vigil mass in the afternoon.

This evening I got to meet with my sponsee and go to the meeting.  Just before meeting with him I felt spiritually disconnected.  I attributed this to my slack this week in spiritual activities.  But I also wonder how much of it is a spiritual attack from the enemy.

Tonight I go to sleep grateful for spiritual renewal and in anticipation of the Holy Day tomorrow.

Father in heaven,
As we gather in on this Holy Day of celebration,
We commemorate your passion, death, and resurrection,
We thank you for your gift of identification, redemption, and eternal life,
Bless us and these gifts we are about to receive from your bounty,
May we always be mindful of those less fortunate than us,
Those with less food, less friends, and less faith,
Through Christ our Lord,
Amen

Thanks be to God.

This Friday the kids were home all day.  I tried to do my schoolwork beginning with reading a chapter.  But, it was terribly difficult to stay focused on anything as there was constantly someone in need of something.  By midday I felt exhausted.  I don't think that this was from any intense amount of work, but rather from the intense amount of emotional energy I expend shifting my attention from one thing to the next.  I am not naturally able to multitask well between my work and the kids.  I am not sure if this is by nature or self-will but I am sure that I need to work on allowing God to change this in me.

I also applied for a job that is a good prospect this morning.

Today we watched the vigil of the Lord's passion.

In the evening I thought about going to a 12 step meeting but did not out of deference to my wife as I needed to be able to attend the meeting on Saturday night to meet with a sponsee.  Another reason I didn't go is that we are having a garage sale in the morning. I thought about how I haven't made it to a meeting all week.  I sensed that I have allowed my sobriety activities to drop in priority.

Thanks be to God.

This morning I got my assignment done that was late.  At first I did the wrong assignment.  Thankfully it was not a long assignment and doing the wrong one helped me to do better in the correct one.  It was a short lab of material that I am familiar with.

I had to take care of kids all day so I didn't get much else done. I got to talk to the guy I am working through the 12 steps.

After dinner my kids asked to watch the Nest Animated Stories of the New Testament of the Passion and Resurrection of the Lord for Holy Thursday.  My son wants to watch The Passion tomorrow.

Thanks be to God.

This Wednesday I had to take a test in my English Comp class.  I did not feel prepared as I had not really done been reading the chapters.  This would be a test of something like 6 chapters.  I took it a little at a time in the midst of another very busy day.  I had a sense of dread about this but resisted negative thinking.  A little while into it I realized that this was material that I really enjoy learning and was digesting and retaining well.  I had planned to take the test on the following day but was motivated to do it this day.

I went and took the test and was surprised to see that it was to be hand written.  I just could not believe this.  My test was to write an analysis of an essay.  The essay was about the childhood home of a boy from Virginia.  I enjoyed the essay but the paper was very long and I wanted to quit in the middle.  I was able to persevere to the end.

While at the campus I noted how one could get caught up in the campus culture and define their identity from within this bubble.

This was another day in which we had two simultaneous baseball games.  At the end of the day I was exhausted.  When I got home I realized that I had an assignment due at midnight.  My wife helped to quell my anxiety and I was able to go to bed accepting that it would be late.

Thanks be to God.