This wednesday was a blur.  I worked on my essay again for a good while today.

My youngest son, the one with autism, had track and field day today.  He was talking all morning about how eager he was to win.  I didn't take this too seriously and was worried about his unrealistic expectations.  He surprised us all by winning two first place awards and one second place.

In the evening my son had a baseball game and took a ball in the eye during warm ups.  It was awful to see him lying on the ground writhing in pain and not being able to do anything.  I was grateful that the coach came and attended to him.  But the one thing that stands out to me is him telling my son that he couldn't sob (because the other team would hear?).  I was very proud of my son for pulling it together and playing in the game.  He did pretty well and made a couple of critical outs including an awesome snag down the first base line.  But he struck out at both of his at bats and cried after the second.  I felt worse than he did after the game.  I was also very proud of how he pulled himself together and finished the game strong.

Thanks be to God.

Today I was very worried about the chapters I had to read and the testing that  I had to do.   I had to again take the attitude of complete isolation and focus.  I had to see that I brought this on myself and need to be more dedicated prior to the deadline.  At the end of the day I got it done and passed the test.

I talked to the sponsee who called me yesterday.

In the evening I got to go to a meeting.

Thanks be to God.

This Monday I was very worried about my school work done.  I spent all morning doing my speech class assignments done.  These are assignments that I should do incrementally over a week.  I had to resist being resentful about this.  I also got a chapter read for my computing class for the test that i must take tomorrow.

A sponsee called me at lunchtime but I was preoccupied with my school work.  I had to take an extreme attitude today of being completely inaccessible.  I even had to set boundaries with my wife and kids and let some housework go.  I didn't feel right about this.

This took up the whole day and I finished just in time to rush off to my son's baseball game. This was a huge distraction for me today because I was so worried about him doing good after striking out three times in the last game.  During warmups I focused on working with a kid who is overweight and skill challenged.  I sort of just started doing it unintentionally and the coach encouraged me.

My son did great in the game, he walked once and made a great hit the second time at bat.  Then at the end of the game he snagged a grounder at first and threw a guy out at third for the first two outs of the last inning.  This was an especially great win for him as he played against his classmate who was talking it up all week and he got to redeem himself and turn things around.  I can't forget the moment he ran off the field jumping up and down saying "I made two outs!"  As much as I am happy about this, my worrisome nature is thinking about the part of the game where he pitched.  He went in and couldn't hit the strike zone consistently.  The coach pulled him after a few batters.  I tried to look at the positives, he had good mechanics and throws with fair velocity.

Thanks be to God.

This Sunday I started with great intentions of getting some of my school work done.  While I was getting the kids  fed and ready I was a little worried that my wife was not awake.

We made it to mass on time which was good because it was extremely crowded for confirmations.

Afterward we went downtown to a view my son's artwork which was on display for the school district art contest.  My son's artwork was chosen as a winner from his grade level.  His art teacher was there and talked to my wife and posed for a picture with him. I thought of the time when I was a young man and won awards for art, and I was very proud of him.  I wished that I could have expressed more gratitude to the teacher but I was too distracted herding the kids.  It was very crowded and we almost lost one.  We had a great time playing and taking photos in the courtyard among the water display and trees.

When we got home my wife left on errands and the rest of us took a nap.

Later in the afternoon I had to do yard work to get the trash all prepped for trash day on Monday.  This took me the rest of the day until dinner.

After dinner and baths I tried to do some of my school work but was interrupted to put my son to sleep and I fell asleep too.

Thanks be to God for this day.

This morning I was grateful to wake up on time as my youngest son had a t-ball game.  I woke up with the song in my head still.  I still had the idea that it would affect my spiritual connection.  I dismissed this as superstitious but resolved and prayed to get it out of my head.

We were having a really good morning and running on time until my oldest son made series of objections to my directions and harassed his sisters.  I suddenly lost my temper and yelled at him.  I yelled worse than I have in a very long time and I smashed one of his connect toys.  I felt terrible afterward and prayed and apologized to him.

We had a great time at the t-ball game, my young son did great.  The weather was perfect and I took my older son for batting practice. In the afternoon we took the girls to a patch of bluebonnets for pictures, then  we had a great family outing to a hamburger joint.

I got to go to a meeting tonight and talk to someone with 7 days sober tonight.

This Friday I was too busy to write a review again.  I spent the day doing yard work and was busy into the night and fell asleep exhausted.

I was grateful to get my due paper started in the morning.

This evening my son struck out each of his 3 times at bat.  When he came back to the dugout he cried.  It hurt me very deeply to see him in distress.  When I came home I kept going over in my mind what I should do to try and correct this for him.  Then it occurred to me what I should do... nothing, nothing radically different that is.  I had to realize and accept that this is just part of the growth curve for him.  He is 9 and in his first year in kid pitch.  He is doing great compared to some other kids.  I shared this with him when we laid down to sleep tonight.  I also let him know that he did not fail in his character tonight.  He made me most proud in his focus on the game, enthusiasm, and encouragement of the other players.  He also showed good hustle on the field and made some key plays.

It was a busy and productive day today.

Thanks be to God.