This Monday during meditation the subject of evening review and a recent discussion came up.  A friend asked me questions about the shortcomings that I find, how many and how often.  When I told him, he said that I was being too hard on myself.  I thought this over and reviewed the process, specifically the deliberate act of seeking out a certain amount of failings.  In the end I concluded that this is an important task to seek an objective and humble look because I am prone to inflate my good character and minimize the little things that add up to big problems.  I thought in depth and analogously about this but it is too lengthy to write right now.

I thought a lot today about a memory I had last night of my exit interview from my first treatment.  I recalled how the counselor observed that I did not seek to depend on a personal God and he told me that I would not stay sober despite my exemplary work.  I recalled that he told me that this program depended on a concept of God that could command the will and that an ambiguous spirituality could not.

I had to work on schoolwork all day to try and complete the assignments that were due yesterday.  Seeing the announcements off assignments for this week come into my inbox aroused anxiety within me. In the evening we had an event scheduled for a minor league pro baseball game.  It was autism awareness night and my sons were to got onto the field with a group.  I realized that one of my classes was tonight. I had to make a decision not to go to the game as it would be detrimental to miss the class at such a critical time.

When class time came it caught me by surprise and I realized that I hadn't done the reading.  I felt anxious about this but just assured myself that it would be ok with God's help. When I got there the class was cancelled.  I went home and did more work to catch up.

Thanks be to God.

This morning we had to go to early mass because my wife was teaching.  While we were getting up she griped at me and I resented it.  Nevertheless, we did get going and get there on time and in good spirits.  Today's mass was the

After mass I got after my math studies.  I read three sections and did the online homework.  This gave me a positive outlook even thought I have 7 sections due by tomorrow or the next day if need be.

My wife took my oldest son to an orchestra show of Star Wars music.  After dinner with the younger kids, I decided to take them to the 12 step club since they had such a great time yesterday.  They had a lot of fun and I got to go to the meeting.  It was a book study and we read the end of "More about Alcoholism" and the beginning of "We Agnostics".  I experienced some new perceptions of the material in the chapter.  Several people shared about issues that I could have helped with.  But, I never did jump in as I couldn't narrow down my thoughts enough, or set aside my desire to cross-talk.  Afterward I talked to someone new and he asked for sponsorship.

Thanks be to God.

Today I thought about how people's thinking is based on the interaction of the mind with it's environment and with other minds.  So the thinking doesn't arise from the physical structures of the body but rather from abstract structures in the sphere of the psyche.

I spent the morning working on my studies again.  It was especially difficult because the weather was beautiful and I wanted to get outside.  This made it difficult to concentrate not to mention the distraction of the kids.

In the afternoon we all went to a birthday celebration for the 12 step club of my home group.  Initially my wife seemed to be angry with me for wanting to go, which would interfere with her plans.  But apparently one of her friends changed her attitude.  We had a really great time, the kids loved it.  A guy there had really cleaned up the place and the kids enjoyed the playscape and playing with the other kids.  I didn't get to go to the meeting but I was grateful that my family went.

When we got home the neighbors were having a birthday party and they invited us over.  We got to be good neighbors.

Thanks be to God.

This Friday I spent the first half of the day studying.  I struggled to keep focused on a lot of dry material.  I got a respite in the afternoon when I found an audio download of the study material. I was able to do a long needed home improvement project with my new tools while listening to the audio file.

My niece spent the night with my children.  Last night when we said grace she got into a discussion with one of my children that she didn't believe in God.  She said that she didn't judge others though.  I was so busy and brain dead that I just didn't want to get into that discussion.  Plus, I had been preoccupied with my studies all day and hadn't had any warm up time with her.  I found this troubling today.

In the evening I got to meet with a sponsee and get him to step three. I realized just to what extent I have become more comfortable teaching this material.  I am grateful to feel that this has truly become a working part of the mind.  I was also especially grateful for the chance to cultivate my sobriety.

Thanks be to God.

This morning I had to get out of bed before prayer and prepare to welcome my niece over to visit us.  After my wife got up and the kids got fed I got to spend some quiet time in prayer.  It wasn't perfect but I was grateful.

I was very anxious about my school work today.  I tried to study for my networking class but it was tremendously distracting with all the kids home and my niece visiting.  In the afternoon they went on a trip with my wife.  I was very grateful for this opportunity but then I struggled almost as bad with the clamors in my head and lack of motivation for the material.  In the end I got through it and became much more motivated to study the material.  I received a great uplift from this although I was brain dead from the effort.

I got to go to a nice dinner out with the family.

I got to go to a meeting and talk about the part that evidence for faith played in coming to believe.

I got to talk to a sponsee and had a change of attitude that I can shift gears mentally and find time to work with others.

Thanks be to God.

I got off to a good start today despite trouble waking up.

After dropping off the kids I got to go to the 12 step club and repair some tent covers that were broken.

I read about the fourth step in the 12x12 today.  I didn't recall reading about starting out a rough assessment by asking some questions before.  The nature of the questions posed questions about misdirected instinct rather than resentment first.  Resentment is still treated as the most dangerous but categorized among the others.  It could be said that the emphasis shows the influence of the psychological but the 7 deadly sins are also emphasized indicating that perhaps the adjusted emphasis was objective based on additional experience at the time of writing.

I got to read a chapter for my networking class.
I got to talk to a sponsee.
I got to go to my first psychology class and meet some nice people.

A huge storm blew in and broke the monotony of the hot, dry weather.

My spirits were really up today.  It was one of those days that just felt too short.

Thanks be to God.

Last night was a busy night for me and I was very tired, I didn't get to write a review.  It was a bit of a down day for me in that I felt a little off center and unproductive.

After dropping off the kids I went and made a major tool purchase, I had to replace a tool that was worn out.  I spent way too much of the day questioning the purchase instead of being grateful to God that he blessed me with the opportunity to make a much needed upgrade.  I had to remind myself that I need functional equipment and I have little time to deal with intermittent breakdowns.  

I got to talk to a sponsee and offer him encouragement to prioritize the right things in life. I realized just how important it is to us to talk about struggles with choices and to be exhorted to make the right ones.

After kid pickups in the afternoon I fell asleep hard.  I had stayed up too late on Monday night and it caught up with me.  Looking back I see that this was the real source of my low spirits.

I had some fears about the demands of this upcoming semester.
My wife and I bickered about a home improvement project and an event she wants to take my kid to.
I got some time in the evening to get some things straightened out in the garage.
I got an orientation quiz done with my wife's help.

Thanks be to God.