Today, or perhaps last night I thought some of what my priest said when he said that the part of The Lord's Prayer where it says "forgive us of our trespasses as we forgive others" means that we will receive forgiveness just to the extent that we give it to others.

This morning I had a very good conversation with a friend about the expression of faith as Bx + Tx + Ax = Faith, where B = Belief, T = Trust, A = Action, x = times an unknown number.

I had to do a lot of reading today.
I should have called a couple of guys that could probably use a call.
I got to take a walk with my 2 year old daughter in the warm morning.
I got to learn about the workings of the mind in class.

Thanks be to God.

This morning we woke up late but made it to mass on time and in good spirits.  On the way I told my wife about a scene I witnessed on our block.  A for lease sign was set out in front of a house.  I passed by Saturday morning and a lady who appeared to be a landlord was standing with a couple who appeared to be there to look at the rental house and the current tenant was talking to them smoking a cigarette and crying.  I wasn't sure why I was telling my wife other then perhaps to gossip but I had a dissonant feeling as I spoke, it was the same feeling I had when I drove by.  As my wife gave her opinion, it occurred to me what I felt.  It was wrong for me to look upon the tenant and judge her disdainfully as irresponsible, especially in light of my own faults and God's forgiveness of me.

Our Gospel reading was about the pharisee who had Jesus for dinner and judged Him for socializing and forgiving the sinful woman who washed his feet.  He pointed out the pharisee's hypocrisy because he was unkind and intolerant and did not recognize his own sinfulness and God's grace to him.  The other readings also taught about how grace is given through faith, not just through obedience to the law (or good behavior).

I''ve been thinking in the past few days about the degree of morality that can only be achieved through the guidance of a personal God.  I can set a moral standard and struggle to live up to it superficially through my power of reason.  But, by subscribing to the will of a higher power I can be transformed to live up to a greater standard than is reasonable and can do it with ease.

     I got to go to a book study meeting tonight in which we read the last pages from "We Agnostics."  It was one of those times when everyone was sharing about matters that seemed far away from how to stay sober.  I had some good things to say but in my zeal for speaking about coming to believe I fell a little short on the connection to sobriety.

     I thought about how I had come to the admission that I was an addict long before taking step two.  I thought that I had been an implicit atheist, that I had only felt there was no proof but had not denied there was a personal God.  But when I actually took the step rather than assuming I already got it, I discovered that I had unrealized objections.

     As I looked at this I also thought I had been open minded and informed, but found that I had not.  I found that my objections were largely emotional and not rational at all.  When I made a rational investigation with a guide to help me stay objective, I found that my proofs against the benefits of belief were not sound.  Then I realized that I had not found proofs for God but just a place where God was possible.  There more I sought this reality the more He seemed possible.  That I wanted to believe and this seemed to be engendered within me.  Perhaps this was all the proof I needed, the revelation that God was a great reality within.

That's where I left off speaking about this.  Afterward however, I thought about how I did see one major proof and this is the one that endures, that belief has miraculously improved the lives of people throughout the ages.  I certainly saw it in the people in the rooms.   As my belief grew so my obsession left me.  As my belief progressed so did the quality of life.  There has been a profound correlation between the degree to which I have faith and the Grace that I receive.

Thanks be to God.

This Saturday was a much better day. I got the kids off to a good start early with breakfast and then outside time  at 10 am.  I even felt good enough to play badminton with my sons.  I got my oldest to do his baseball practice routine later.  I did another school assignment and finished fixing my yard equipment.   Then I did a lot of yard work.  I was disappointed that my wife does not want my kids to go to the 12 step club.  She was working and I wanted to go to a meeting.  I found myself dwelling on this and blaming her that I haven't been able to get to a meeting in a week.  I had to stop.

Thanks be to God.

This Friday I was up and down recovering from a cold.  I was too out of sorts to jot down anything and I didn't do a review.

This Thursday I woke feeling sick, it was probably due to working on a ceiling fan switch. It got worse as the day went on and I slept in the afternoon and went to bed early.

I wanted to go to a meeting today but could not.

Today I thought a little about evidence for God.  I thought about evidence from revelation.  How can revelation be considered valid as it is of an abstract nature.  Revelation comes from thoughts, dreams, and imagination.  It is perceived by the recipient but not a concrete occurrence in the material world.  Perhaps the validity of revelation could be measured three ways: it is logically valid, it is widely accepted and enduring, and it works when applied.  Perhaps it is similar to theory and heuristic acceptance.  Perhaps this is that great reality within.

I spent most of the day trying to catch up on reading for my evening class but struggled to stay attentive and focused.  I felt this way in class also.  

I wanted to go to a meeting this day but could not.  I got to speak to a friend who had a set back.  

I was grateful for recent gains in my life.

Thanks be to God.

This Tuesday I had to crunch out the last of my assignment that was  due on Sunday.  I wasn't able to get started until after all the kids were fed and cleaned up.  I also took a little time to review Monday.  I eventually got the work done in the afternoon.  The snails pace that it takes me to complete this work was deeply frustrating but I found motivation in the gratitude of finally receiving this learning.

I had a major increase in initiative over the day before.  I even got the weed eater out and got it working.

I called back a guy who asked me to sponsor him.  I need to make some more calls.

I made sure the kids got some outside time twice and the boys did some baseball practice.

In the evening I got to go to a meeting.  I got to relate my exit interview experience to the topic of ideals grounded in a power greater than ourselves.

Before bed I read in my Psych book about Ben Franklin's practice of moral examination.  I remembered also that I have had some experiences lately with spiritual disturbances and arousals in my dreams that I was able to resist and pray away.

Thanks be to God.