This Wednesday I made minimal progress in doing the school work that was due last week.  I had to spend all morning preparing for my wife's trip out of town and didn't get started until late in the morning.  I did some important household tasks like fixing the lawn mower that held me up also.

While studying late in the afternoon a very weird thing happened.  I started thinking of getting out of the house to go to class and out of nowhere I got the impulse to go and have a few drinks.  I got this sensation that I hadn't felt in a very long time.  It was only for the blink of an eye (and was gone) and would have been easy to miss (or dismiss), but I noticed it.

I went to my class in the evening and found out that I did well on a test.  I am deeply worried about whether or not I should drop a class.

My mom spent the night and helped me with the kids.

Thanks be to God.

Today while studying I got so angry that I almost smashed my computer.  I was frustrated over the tedium of the work I am doing.   Nevertheless, I stuck with it and got some things done.

In the evening we all went to the park.

Thanks be to God.

This morning I conceived of a vital part of an idea that I have been thinking about for along time.  The idea that human higher thinking begins on top of the lower (but complex) instinct, reflex, memory, and conditioning.  That humans develop thinking, logic, schema, and algorithms out of the abstract conceptions, abstract memory, and conditioned responses.

I spent the day reviewing for a test in the evening.  When I went to the class and took the test I think that I did ok.

Afterward I went to my first meeting in over a week.   This is the longest period of time that I have been between meetings since I got sober.  This has been bothering me a great deal.  I just had to change my attitude and try and consider what my mind will do with remorse.

Thanks be to God.

This morning our readings were about the "harvest is rich but the workers are few." Our priest said that we shouldn't just think of missionaries and aid workers but that we should think about how we could help others who are having troubles as we have had.

I thought about this independence day as a celebration of freedom from tyranny.  I thought of freedom won on a personal level by the grace of God.

I thought about an idea that people need a personal God to provide law and order in the interior world.

I got to say grace at my Dad's birthday dinner in my house.

I worried about my school work.

I got to go to a fireworks display with my kids and family.

Thanks be to God.

This morning I was laying in bed dreaming that a mosquito was buzzing over me and I was swatting it.   Then it turned into a bee and was trying to sting my hand.  I realized I was asleep and I went into a panic trying to move to swat it away.

This Friday was again filled with study.  I wanted to escape several times but was afraid of failing.   I didn't get to go to a meeting and didn't get to do anything else besides kid duty.

My wife ticked me off on the phone and I hung up on her.

I never did get to review this day and this is all that I remember.

This thursday morning I had a troublesome dream of some sort but since I was not able to do a review that day I do not recall what it was.

After getting all the kids going and off to school, I was buried in school work.  I thought about all that I must do by Monday and I was afraid.  I was grateful to get a chapter in math done.

I realized in the morning that I needed to take a test at the testing center.   I checked with my wife and she had things scheduled in the morning and evening so I couldn't go.  I was a bit disappointed about this I believe.

My mother, sister, and daughter dropped in for a visit that evening.  We had a great time visiting but I wished I could talk to my sister alone more.

I didn't get to go to a meeting this day.

Thanks be to God