Yesterday I thought a bit more about how entertainment fills the need in people for emotional catharsis and existential meaning.  Perhaps this is what keeps everyone in the shallow water.

I got to do a chapter of math.
I got to study for my test.
I think I did well on it.

Thanks be to God.

This morning I woke up thinking of what my wife shared with me yesterday, about Aristotle's theory of tragedy.  It occurred to me that if people watch tragedies to be purged of sinful desires then what about other forms of drama?  What about stories of triumph?  What about comedies?  What about love stories? What about stories of fantasy, sci-fi, and the supernatural?  Is the popularity of these based on our unfulfilled needs? Do they provide us an escape from our seemingly dreary lives?  Do they provide us with a sense of meaning and purpose?  Is this a lack of understanding and a misplacement of faith?

I thought about how the search for understanding of the psyche and the process of personal examination has filled my need for catharsis and helped me to find meaning and purpose from watching the drama of my life unfold.

I also thought about Sternberg's triangle theory of love.  I realized that I had hesitated to speak to my wife about this because I thought that it was

Operational scheme

This Tuesday morning my wife pulled me aside and read a writing by Aristotle about his theory of tragedy.  He says the reason that people are motivated to entertain themselves with tragic drama is to experience and purge themselves of the feelings and motives that they have but dare not indulge in real life.  He said that by doing this we purge ourselves of these feelings and thus achieve some form of purification or purgation.

I had a very hard time motivating myself to do math today and was disappointed that I only did one chapter and a quiz.

I realized that Monday night at the meeting I felt uptight.  I thought about how sometimes I dare not reveal that I don't feel well to people when they ask how I am doing for fear of inviting criticism of my spiritual program.   But if I get better at understanding and describing my state then I don't need to worry about.  When I feel tense, I usually know whether it is serious or not but I don't reveal it when it is not because others may misinterpret it.

This evening I mainly handled the kids.

Thanks be to God.

This Monday I took time for prayers with the kids before taking them to school instead of in the truck on the way.

I took my youngest daughter for a walk to the park in the morning.
I got to talk to a friend in recovery at mid day.
I went to class in the afternoon.
I went to a meeting in the evening, a guy asked me to be his sponsor.

My being was good today.
Thanks be to God.

This morning when I was waking up I realized that twice in my semi-conscious mind was trying to rationalize a couple of my choice character defects.  Once it was trying to think about a way to minimize the pain of recovering from a drug binge by taking the right combination of pills, vitamins, and nutritional supplements.  Another time it was allowing myself to peruse an item on the chick menu.  I made sure to take time to start my day in conscious contact with God.

We made it to mass on time and in good spirits.  It was one of the lowest attended masses that I have seen.  This applied to the availability of servers as well, the priest had to do all the readings himself.  Our responsorial and second reading were about living a righteous and lawful life as a means to be close to God but the gospel reading was the story of Mary and Martha and how just being willing be with God is what is most important. I also read about contemplation in reference to this.  

This afternoon I expressed some of my continuing fears about one of my classes to my wife and she helped me realize a strategy that is much less stressful and reasonable to accomplish.  This helped me back to the place of recovered enthusiasm and peace.

We had a birthday dinner with my mom and I enjoyed the time with my family.

I got to go to a meeting later and we read from "To Wives."

Thanks be to God.

This morning after taking all the kids and getting a haircut I was driving by the mailbox and I saw a sign posted on it for a missing ring.  My neighbor had found it.

My wife and I had a difficult discussion about whether or not I should drop a class.   One of the things I struggled with was the fact that my instincts told me not to sign up for 3 classes in the summer.  I wanted to be resentful to her but I had to resist.

Today I was thinking of the morning prayer for the children and thought of amending it for my son as he is getting older and needs a better concept than just "God help me to be good today".  I thought of "God help me to do the things that will help me to be well today."   Then it occurred to me that the idea that a person's state of being is the measure of my wellness. So when I see someone I should ask them "how's your being?"

I thought about a term to describe a person who always quotes from "the Book" when trying to convince someone of their reasoning.  They are "Big Book Lawyers" or "Biblical Lawyers".  Not that they are wrong, but it is an approach that doesn't work when speaking to someone who has not fully assimilated the book as their point of reference to truth.

I also thought about self centeredness as narrow mindedness.  When one is in that state where I am only seeing things from my scope of understanding then my vision is narrowed to my view.

I also thought of the scheme(?) for handling issues in life.   Check my motives first, look for the fear, get out of self, act from principle not from arousal.