Step 1

1. Read “The Doctors Opinion” and Chapters 2 – 3 in the AA Big Book. Highlight the places in the book where you find important concepts:

Powerlessness
• Physical Allergy – Phenomenon of craving; can’t stop; can’t control predictably.
• Mental Obsession – Power of the Effect”, using/drinking changes how I feel, ease and comfort, courage, excitement, super-natural experience. I think about this all the time and can't stop until I get it.
• Mental Blank Spot – Inability to see the consequences or can’t bring them to mind with sufficient force to stop, loss of power, choice, control.

Unmanageability
• External Unmanageability – Problems with circumstances; personal relationships, finances, problems with jobs, problems with the law, problems with livelihood like cars, home etc.
• Internal Unmanageability – Unmanageable feelings, Spiritual Malady, Soul Sickness, A black hole inside, shame, guilt, blame, depression, etc.
• Perspective Unmanageability – Unmanageability of the truth, self-deception, denial, delusion, dishonesty, old ideas, old belief systems, old conceptions, old motives; Decisions are made based on core values that are flawed.

2. Write a list of personal examples of how you are (or were) powerless.
3. Write a list of personal examples of how your life is (or was) unmanageable.
4. Write the following at the bottom of your page:

• I fully concede to my innermost self that I am alcoholic (or addict) as described in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.
• I fully concede to my innermost self that my life is unmanageable.
• I fully concede to my innermost self that the disease is chronic, progressive, and fatal and that I will never be able to drink b(or use) safely again.

First Step Prayer
Dear Lord, I admit that I am powerless over my addiction.
I admit that my life is unmanageable when I try to control it.
Help me this day to understand the true meaning of powerlessness.

I started trying to do this review and my son came in and jumped on me. After I led him out my wife started yelling at him in the other room. They don't seem to care that I need some peace and quiet to do this work. They are really pissing me off. I just can't seem to focus on this stupid review. I can't stop thinking of all the things that I need to do that seem more important. Just as I was starting to focus my son ran in and jumped on me again. It is impossible for someone like myself to do this damn thing. I feel like I just don't have frikkin' time to do this crap!!

Note: My sponsor told me that I should write down whatever I can. I never did get through this review that night but I came back and put this note that I acknowledge that I tried and that my sponsor said that just trying is a form of humility. I am grateful for this.

Today I thought that I would be better off to get my own apartment and focus on my recovery. Then I could come back to my family when things change. I asked God to remove this self will.

One of my co-workers said that he was talking to a guy who said that his girlfriend wrecked his car and he wished she were dead. I said that he probably uses her for that car. That he wasn't man enough to get his own.

I realized that this is me. That is how selfish I am.