This morning I only had to work for 3 hours. I left work at 10:30 but then realized that if I stayed downtown I could go to the noon meeting. I went there and was the first one to read. The two paragraphs were so short and they told of a person who was a hobo, so I didn't have anything to share about them. The story started with they guy talking about how he was mistreated as a child. It got me thinking: If my real problem is that I have a spiritual malady, which came first the malady or the alcoholic, they chicken or the egg?

I had something to share about it but the chairperson wrapped up the meeting after we went around once. I thought that I should have shared during "burning desire" time. I think I might remember that I might drink if I don't share.

This afternoon I did some much needed cleaning in the garage. I also played outside with the kids on their bikes. My son and I played Hacky Washers.

Tonight My wife took my son and my neice to "First Night Austin", the New Years Eve celebration. I stayed home alone with the kids. I feel resentful that I can barely handle it and I have bad allergies and I can't seem to get caught up with the cleaning. ***Selfish

I am grateful that my wife and kids are having a great time.
I am grateful that my kids have a good chance at life.
I am grateful that we have a loving home ad good times.
I am grateful that I had another year sober and a spiritual awakening.
I am grateful for a loving God who redeemed me.

I am grateful for the best year of my life and the best one to come.

We had a good day today. I got the boys up on time and we went to Church in good spirits. Today was the Feast Day of the Holy Family. I thought it especially fitting since the focus of my 4th step last night was family relations.

Last night My sponsor spent a long time with me on my piece of inventory. He was very thorough with me on my 3rd column and he pointed out some things that were additional insights that added to my own perspective. It was just what I needed. Then he pressed me in some additional areas that I didn't really think were necessary.

By the time we looked at where I was to blame, I felt we had already taken an excessively long time on just one resentment. Again he added a little to my own perspective but then he pressed me on some additional things that I thought exceeded the scope of the work we needed to do. By the time he dug what he wanted out of me we had gone full circle to what I had already seen in the work I did by myself prior to meeting with him.

Then he tried to work with me on what he felt he suspected was a long term lack of surrender. At this point I had become so discordant that I almost missed the most important thing he had to offer.

I thought about it today and reconsidered what he told me that he suspected. I need to persevere to grow in spiritual vitality. I need to grow to be able to withstand these types of spiritual assaults. I failed not because it was just one too many and I fell short as anyone else would. But I failed because I was not fit to handle it.

This morning got off to a good start. I got up with the kids and we had breakfast. I did some cleaning, set up my son's new video game and I played physically with all three kids.

At midmorning my wife woke up and got angry with our middle son (the austistic one) for playing with a toy she is trying to sell. I was asleep so she blamed me for not preventing it. The toys had actually been out since the night before and I didn't even know she was selling them. I argued back and she really started yelling at me. I got so angry that I yelled at her and then I threw a toy through a window, breaking the glass.

I had to do a 4th step and meet with my sponsor tonight.

Otherwise it was a great day.

I got to go to a meeting. The topic was from the family afterward about using our dark past as an asset to help others. Their was awkward silence as it was a difficult topic for people to share. I was able to help open it up even though I didn't all that much like sharing.

The topic was synchronous with what I needed to hear because I had been thinking that I didn't want to do family night with my wife anymore. The topic was also synchronous with the Daily Reflection today which was about the "Joy of Good Living" through Step 12.

I am grateful for the opportunity to grow today.

It was a busy and productive day at work today.
I got to have a nice little breakfast at work.
I got to talk to a couple of guys about spirituality in conversations about the Tibetan Book of The Dead.
I had to deal with some difficult challenges with customers but it helped me grow in understanding.
I got to do some service work for the meeting schedule at lunch by speaking to rep of a church where a meeting used to be held.

At times i was afraid of my financial situation.

My wife encouraged me to go to a meeting tonight.
I got to share about "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde".
I got to speak to a sponsee.
I got to speak to my sponsor.
I got to give Blind Dave a ride home and have a good talk about things.

It was another Best Day of my life.

This morning I woke up feeling very bad that I had a sore throat. I was afraid I was going to be sick and miserable at work. I woke up too late to eat breakfast but I strove not to think myself into a bad morning. At work I found a muffin and some raisins. I took some medicine that was in my bag.

By midday I forgot that I had felt sick and I was never hungry or lacking energy all morning.

Today I got a phone call from our contact at the treatment center about speaking at Family Night with my wife.

Today the remaining tension from the resentment I had with a coworker lifted.

I got to go to a meeting at noon.

I got to do some service work for the CA website.

I got an email from my old coworkers.

I got to play some good table tennis matches.

This evening my wife and I worked together to get the kids bathed so she could go to her meeting. I tried to keep a cheerful spirit and be prepared to get to bed early.

The kids helped me clean up and all was peaceful and easy going.

I got a call from an addict just coming back from a relapse and offered him encouragement without judgement or self-righteousness.

I should call more of my friends.

Last night I referred to internal housekeeping. I remembered that yesterday at some time I thought of an analogy of cleaning house and internal Feng Shui. I thought of this in the sense of a tidy and well composed internal self as the key to wellness.

Today I felt some despondence over our financial situation. We had a financial crisis and i felt worse. I read today's reading from "Daily Reflections" and it referred to practicing the principles in all our affairs in the sense of remaining at peace in difficult times. This evening I had to borrow money from a friend who offered... again. I was not happy about it but he does it in the spirit if Christ. I too must deny myself and take it in the same spirit. It was awkward and uncomfortable but I did it for my family. I found some solace in the thought that we will be prosperous in teh future and be able to pay him back. Or pass it on.

Today at work their was a time when everyone gathered near me and were laughing and talking about their weekend while I was working. They were gathered around the guy who I had a recent resentment with. The talked about gossip and self-centered experiences and events. They made fun of parents, religious people, children and addicts. I felt a little separated. I persevered working with a free spirit and I joined them in a laugh or two.

Tonight my wife got angry with me about something small. I had to resist fighting even though I thought I was in the right. She apologized later.

I am most grateful for peace today.

Today our family took a trip to visit my Father-in-law and his wife. I originally didn't approve of the trip because I didn't think it was practical to try and take all our kids on a 2 hour drive and try to handle them at my in-law's house. I tried not to fight with my wife about it even though she had misconceptions about why I didn't want to go. In the end I went and we had a great trip.

We had a great time even though it wasn't easy and it wasn't perfect. We kept our Christmas tradition of taking a trip.

I never got irritated with anyone or anything. We shared some great conversation about life, love, kids, family and God.

I take that back, I remember my wife reminding me to keep the Christmas spirit some time before we left but I don't remember what for.

Once again I am too tired to remember all my internal housecleaning and inspiration today.