Last night I had a using dream followed by several panick dreams. There was a dark, lanky figure in a blurry, surreal landscape in the dreams.
Today I had a random thought aout remembering where I came from. I sometimes hear and hav sometimes said that going to meetings and working with others reminds me of where I came from. I think a more important experience is that these activities keep me current with what I am.
I think that I can misinterpret being recovered as not being what I once was.
Today I didn't have any great disturbances. I had a productive day at work and I won at table tennis. I came back in a game from 16 to 4. When I came home I took my son to religious ed. and felt a great sense of belonging at the church. I took him to the park and practiced baseball afterward. Back at home I gave him a bath and I read a book with the kids and we watched a baseball game.
I talked to my sponsor this afternoon but I forgot to tell him about the using dream.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Last night I didn't do an evening review for unavoidable, good reasons. Last night I had nightmares of evil, vicious crocodiles. I thought about how life will inevitably throw spiritual disturbances at people, even those with a good spiritual life.
This morning I had a hard time with the boys at church. When I came home I was compelled to execute discipline with them. I resolved to give them consequences without anger. I thought about how this should be a cause and effect matter.
This afternoon my wife slept a long time so today I was alone with the kids a lot. By the evening I had deteriorated to griping at them. It wasn't too bad but they wore me down.
I watched a movie with my son during nap time.
I watched a baseball game with him in the evening.
This morning I had a hard time with the boys at church. When I came home I was compelled to execute discipline with them. I resolved to give them consequences without anger. I thought about how this should be a cause and effect matter.
This afternoon my wife slept a long time so today I was alone with the kids a lot. By the evening I had deteriorated to griping at them. It wasn't too bad but they wore me down.
I watched a movie with my son during nap time.
I watched a baseball game with him in the evening.
This post for 3/29/08.
This morning I got up early and resolved to get to our 10:30 baseball game on time. All went well until I took a nap because we were so far ahead. I woke up disoriented and got mixed up about the time. We got out of the house on time but in a frenzied rush. I had to take a deep breath of spirit and release my anger and remorse.
It was a very exciting game with several ups and downs. The boys started well then made mistakes then rallied. The other team also had to rally a couple of times. In the end they came out ahead.
Afterward we coaches spent a lot of time discussing what went wrong. There was some talk of areas for our players to improve on and there was some talk about how the other team's coach was running his players all the time. There were some things said about the other coaches integrity and about adopting the same strategy and about "next time".
I have some thoughts about this:
We should stick to the high road of teaching our kids the game and good sportsmanship.
We should use a proactive strategy and not react to other people.
We should discipline the boys by cause and effect not griping, pleding and negotiating.
We should create a positive experience for them based on their execution of skills not on the scoreboard.
The rest of the day I did a lot of yard work.
This morning I got up early and resolved to get to our 10:30 baseball game on time. All went well until I took a nap because we were so far ahead. I woke up disoriented and got mixed up about the time. We got out of the house on time but in a frenzied rush. I had to take a deep breath of spirit and release my anger and remorse.
It was a very exciting game with several ups and downs. The boys started well then made mistakes then rallied. The other team also had to rally a couple of times. In the end they came out ahead.
Afterward we coaches spent a lot of time discussing what went wrong. There was some talk of areas for our players to improve on and there was some talk about how the other team's coach was running his players all the time. There were some things said about the other coaches integrity and about adopting the same strategy and about "next time".
I have some thoughts about this:
We should stick to the high road of teaching our kids the game and good sportsmanship.
We should use a proactive strategy and not react to other people.
We should discipline the boys by cause and effect not griping, pleding and negotiating.
We should create a positive experience for them based on their execution of skills not on the scoreboard.
The rest of the day I did a lot of yard work.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Today I thought about some practical terms for the spiritual experience:
Cause and Effect
Power
Guidance and Direction
At the noon meeting there was a guy who looked defiant and was court ordered. It was his first meeting.
We were finishing step two and I was thinking about how I might focus my share on why I needed to even consider this step in the first place rather than just share on the concept of a higher power. When my turn in the reading rotation came we were on the paragraph obn the last page that summarizes why we needed to look at this step in the first place.
I lost badly at table tennis today, I was just not able to focus well. On my way home I sensed that I was letting this get me down. I thought about my excessive competitive nature and I asked God to remove my ill will. I resolve to get my chin up and remember that I will have better days. This may not seem important but it later it proved to be meaningful.
My son had a baseball game this evening. The other team's coaches really seemed to have it together more. They came up to bat and their kids seemed to all be huge and coordinated and several hit the ball and our guys made mistakes and they scored four runs in the first inning.
I thought "Oh know here we go, they are going to beat bad". I sensed that the other coaches were thinking the same think. When the inning ended I felt us all take a deep breath and we talked to our kids and alll resolved to keep our chin up.
My son was the second up to bat and he struck out. In the next inning he struck out again. I watched him in the dugout to see if he was getting down and he seemed ok. I was thankful that I have encourged him to do well and have fun rather than harang him when he fails. As I coached him on the field I saw that he was tired and distracted. I realized it just wasn't his day. I encouraged him to keep his chin up.
On his next at bat I looked up momentarily and prayed taht he would get a hit. He got down two strikes. He looked nervous. On the fifth pitch he hit the ball and drove in a run. I was the first base coached so I told him "see what happens when you keep your chin up".
Our team maxed out runs in three innings and won 15 to 7.
Cause and Effect
Power
Guidance and Direction
At the noon meeting there was a guy who looked defiant and was court ordered. It was his first meeting.
We were finishing step two and I was thinking about how I might focus my share on why I needed to even consider this step in the first place rather than just share on the concept of a higher power. When my turn in the reading rotation came we were on the paragraph obn the last page that summarizes why we needed to look at this step in the first place.
I lost badly at table tennis today, I was just not able to focus well. On my way home I sensed that I was letting this get me down. I thought about my excessive competitive nature and I asked God to remove my ill will. I resolve to get my chin up and remember that I will have better days. This may not seem important but it later it proved to be meaningful.
My son had a baseball game this evening. The other team's coaches really seemed to have it together more. They came up to bat and their kids seemed to all be huge and coordinated and several hit the ball and our guys made mistakes and they scored four runs in the first inning.
I thought "Oh know here we go, they are going to beat bad". I sensed that the other coaches were thinking the same think. When the inning ended I felt us all take a deep breath and we talked to our kids and alll resolved to keep our chin up.
My son was the second up to bat and he struck out. In the next inning he struck out again. I watched him in the dugout to see if he was getting down and he seemed ok. I was thankful that I have encourged him to do well and have fun rather than harang him when he fails. As I coached him on the field I saw that he was tired and distracted. I realized it just wasn't his day. I encouraged him to keep his chin up.
On his next at bat I looked up momentarily and prayed taht he would get a hit. He got down two strikes. He looked nervous. On the fifth pitch he hit the ball and drove in a run. I was the first base coached so I told him "see what happens when you keep your chin up".
Our team maxed out runs in three innings and won 15 to 7.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
This morning I was very tired and late but i found time for prayer and meditation. I made it to work 5 minutes early.
I carried the message today by going to a meeting at lunch and by posting in an online meeting. I had a some thoughts today about sticking to the practical application of spirituality in the program.
I met a deadline at work to write a post describing myself for the team forum. Afterward several of my peers took the step to get in their posts.
I kept up with the workload, met my responsibilities and had time for table tennis.
I lost one game and won another.
This evening my wife and I and the kids went outside after dinner and rode bikes. My 3 year old learned to peddle his tricycle and I got the bike I found on bulky pickup fixed.
Tonight I watched a southpark episode out of the blue and it happened to be an episode about an addiction craze called "cheesing".
I didn't think I had anything to write for inventory but thought I could start by checking to see if I worked my program. I reviewed a day to be grateful for.
I go to sleep with a full and thankful heart.
I carried the message today by going to a meeting at lunch and by posting in an online meeting. I had a some thoughts today about sticking to the practical application of spirituality in the program.
I met a deadline at work to write a post describing myself for the team forum. Afterward several of my peers took the step to get in their posts.
I kept up with the workload, met my responsibilities and had time for table tennis.
I lost one game and won another.
This evening my wife and I and the kids went outside after dinner and rode bikes. My 3 year old learned to peddle his tricycle and I got the bike I found on bulky pickup fixed.
Tonight I watched a southpark episode out of the blue and it happened to be an episode about an addiction craze called "cheesing".
I didn't think I had anything to write for inventory but thought I could start by checking to see if I worked my program. I reviewed a day to be grateful for.
I go to sleep with a full and thankful heart.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Today was a good day, I didn't get angry, dishonest or afraid.
I had good initiative at work today and I acted on a commitment.
I got to go to a meeting at noon and share about step two.
I got to take my kid to baseball practice.
I was thinking about is lucky #7 and I thought about how lucky we are. We are in the middle of a mortgage crisis where many people are losing their homes. I was out of work at this time last year and in a lot of fear. I don't make aenough money but the bills get paid.
I am grateful for our home and our livelyhood.
Thank you God.
I had good initiative at work today and I acted on a commitment.
I got to go to a meeting at noon and share about step two.
I got to take my kid to baseball practice.
I was thinking about is lucky #7 and I thought about how lucky we are. We are in the middle of a mortgage crisis where many people are losing their homes. I was out of work at this time last year and in a lot of fear. I don't make aenough money but the bills get paid.
I am grateful for our home and our livelyhood.
Thank you God.