Last night I had a dream that I was a young boy and was resting on my mothers lap. This is important to me because of the emotional block that I have had with my parents. In the dream I felt the connection to my mother that I can't bring to mind (remember) in my waking mind.

This morning I was well prepared from last night and the boys and I got off to church on time. I remembered to speak to them consistently about discipline and was able to target specific consequences in smaller increments to the areas where they needed behavior improvement. That way, even thought they did good overall, I was able to apply discipline for the things they did not do well.

Sometime today I found myself dreading the start of the work week. I thought of how I must seek spiritual fulfillment in order to break this discontent. I found contentment in the day and optimism for the workweek.
Them I rememered that tomorrow is a holiday. It was as if reality shifted and I got the gift that I wanted as soon as I was completely willing to let it go.

My parents came to visit today. They brought us a great feast and we grilled and had fun. I felt especially comfortable and affectionate to my parents. Maybe it was because of the dream that I had.

I got a call from the little league baseball commissioner asking if I wanted to coach a baseball team this afternoon. I was awkward answering but I said that I could not commit to this. I had to resist the impulse to do it because we it would pull me away from home too much and this would be too difficult for my wife. I feel that this would also impact my recovery program at some level also. I have to admit that I am still thinking about it as it is just 2 nights a week and saturday mornings.

My father and my son and I did a little practice at the park. My son is building a wonderful and close relationship to my father. They told stories to each other and shared funny moments. I am grateful that he gets to spend so much time with him in his youth.

Thanks be to God for a good mother and father.

I started off the morning with the daily mass. The readings were :

1 Cor 1:26-31: God chose the foolish of the world to shame the wise

Mt 25:14-30 A man going on a journey
called in his servants and entrusted his possessions to them.

This morning I griped at my wife for about running errands and leaving me with the kids.

I did a lot of housekeeping and yardwork today and I played outside with the kids twice.

I got the kids interested in religious kids programming again today.

My wife and I didn't stay mad at each other long at all and we had some kind moments with each other.

Thanks be to God for a good day.

I had a very busy day at work but nothing that I know of went wrong. I got good news about the prospects for financial reward at work.

I didn't get to go to the noon meeting.

Tonight I went and set up the Friday night Big Book Study. Only a couple of friends showed up and we just talked and cleaned up.

A guy who hasn't been able to stay sober and who I felt uncertain about trusting showed up late and gave me a ride home. The guy is my sponsor's son. He has never opened up and talked to me until tonight.

I had no plans or expectations of talking to him. A long time ago I did but I have long since given up on them. He spoke honestly about some things and some great opportunites to talk about the spiritual life came up. It did wonders for me.

Even though we didn't have the meeting I felt like I did my twelfth step duty tonight.

Thanks be to God for the treasures of Heaven.

I woke up early had time to cook breakfast and had a good, productive, busy day. I didn't get to go to the noon meeting today because we had a meeting about work. A guy forgot the meeting and was humiliated for doing so. He is making some of the mistakes that I made and I was resentful for the way it was handled.

Otherwise I had a great day and a nice evening.

Thanks be to God.

Tonight I posted about addiction is not a choice on a sober blog.

I thought about how I almost told my sponsor the other night that I hadn't had a using dream for as long as I could remember. Then something stopped me. Late that night I woke up and remembered that I had had recent using dreams and nightmares that I could only remember when I was in a semiconscious state. It was very bizarre. It once again made me aware of the activity that happens behind the veil in the spiritual realm.

It was a great day, I went to the noon meeting. Once again I almost didn't go. I decided just to take the walk anyway. On teh street I ran into a guy from the fellowship that I haven't seen in a long time. He is 7 months sober. We talked for a little while and I felt like I had done twelfth step work just by walking down the street. I took this as a sign to go to the meeting.

Our reading was the personal story "Tightrope" again. I focused my perspective on our primary purpose.

I had to accept some humility today.

Today I felt inspired in a way that I have not felt in weeks.

Tonight I laughed and sang and danced with my wife and kids.

Thanks be to God.

This morning I woke up late and groggy. Before I knew it I was out of time to pray. I had to get up and take a shower because I couldn't stay awake. Since I was out of time I opted to skip breakfast and pray instead. Last night I passed out without doing a review so I knew I couldn't skimp this morning. It was a good thing too because as the day went on I didn't have time to think of much else other than work.

I got to go to the noon meeting. We read about step 7.

Tonight my wife was pretty frazzled. I had to stop myself from judging her. I had to turn over resentments a couple of times.

I got to go on a bike ride with my son.

We got up on time today and had a good morning. I was a little disappointed that my middle son wasn't feeling well and I let my wife talk me out of taking him to mass but my oldest and I went and he was well behaved.

Our Gospel reading was Jesus asking the disciples "who do you say I am?". I remember this time of the liturgical year for the past three years noe that I have been back in the church.

I thought about supporting our church more.

My mom visited today and we watched the little league world series championship. My son put on his uniform and really got into it. Afterward he asked me to practice with him.

Our house was a little crazy today and my wife griped at me in front of my mom and unfairly accused me of not doing my part. I resisted fighting back and just opted out. But I have been resentful since then. I need to pray to free from the anger.

I did a little service work on the website for my 12 step fellowship.

Thanks be to God for the treasures of heaven.