This morning I got to go to my son's baseball game. He had a great time and did well despite being sick. I was slightly resentful about some coaching issues but I had to turn away from them and realize that my son is having fun and growing in skills and ability. I have to realized that my resentment is of my own fear and that I must ask God to remove it so that I can be more effective.

We had a great day and I parents came to visit.

In the evening i felt isolated and disconnected. I got to go to a meeting and here a young friend tell his story. He did a fine job and I felt much better when I came home.

Thanks be to God.

Today I was very sick with the flu for the third day in a row. I was afraid of losing my momentum in life and of losing value at work.

At times today I was resentful of having to attend to my children. I didn't have big outbreak of this I was able to simply turn away and be grateful.

My illness has been very painful, I think I have strep throat. I am worried about my son's first ball game tomorrow.

I must ask God to remove my fears and place my trust completely in him.

This morning I woke up very sick and couldn't make it to work. Thanks be to God that I was able to get off all necessary communication.

I fell into a hard, deep sleep and had weird dreams. I dreamed that my brother had 3 million dollar lottery tickets in my name. The dream went on with him living in some other location and at some point I realized that he would need me to cash them for him and I would be due a percentage.

The dream went into a different story and at one point I was at the back of an ancient church. I saw smoke coming from a ravine on the back side of the building. I found a large old wooden wall covering a hole full of boulders where the smoke was coming from. I found a water hose and started to spray it.

An elderly priest appeared behind me and said that there was a demon in the hole that he had once excorsized that was awakening. I got the impression that the priest was nearing the end of his life and that his prayers were no longer effective enough to keep the demon at bay. He seemed to be telling me that something more than water would be needed to put out this fire.

I became very frightened but nevertheless I skeptically sprayed water until the smoke cleared. I hurried away very scared and hoped for the best but in a short time I heard the beast growl and break out of the hole. I looked back from the top of the ravine and I could see an invisible creature running along and past me below.

I was very afraid but somehow lept into action. I grabbed a pole and ran down and beat the animal on the back and somehow in my fear I started saying the sign of the cross over and over. I beat and beat it and I said the sign of the cross over and over. Nevertheless when the creature vaporized and I intuitively knew it was back in the hole I was surprised.

When I woke up today I thought of the sign of the cross his way. God teh Father is in the mind, God the son is in the heart, the Holy Spirit is in the arms.

I remembered something that I thought yesterday that a prophet is someone who sees the truth of God and interprets this for people to understand. I see this as m y calling.

Later today I thought of how God does and doesn't reveal himself. I wondered if there were some connection to prosperity and suffering. I wondered i the better off we are the more we must do the work to connect ourselves to Him and the worse off we are the greater the chances he is more apt to reveal Himself to us. Perhaps on a macro scale this applies across time periods and societies.

Today I felt a pretty strong cold coming on but I made it to work. I remembered the readings from liturgy if the word for yesterday and today. I was fascinated by the old testament readings from Sirach about the Wisdom that existed before everything and the faith that will conquer all trials, victories, and suffering.

I was also unusually inspired by the Gospel reading about the one who was so possessed that he could only be healed through prayer and about the apostles who bickered about who was the greatest.

On my way to the noon meeting I realized that I felt uninspired and disconnect. Then I realized that it didn't have to be so. I realized that it is Jesus' power that heals and that I do not have faith if I don't use prayer and believe that it will work.

I immediately felt my spiritual vitality restored a little and by the time it was my turn in the meeting I felt inspired and had something to share.

This afternoon we had baseball practice at the ballpark. My son said "back at the old game!" when we got there and that is how I felt. It was a beautiful night and my son did great and we had a wonderful time in the spring like weather.

Thanks be to God.

Today at work I was extremely busy with difficult calls due to a major system change. I heard the other guys struggling a great deal with these calls. I felt like I was blessed with resourceful thinking in being able to communicate effectively while delivering unwelcome news.

I got to go to the noon meeting today. I was struck with the realization that the greatest gift I have received is the design for living. That sharing this is the greatest joy in life.

This afternoon I was forced to address the problems I have been having with my vehicle. I became resigned to the idea that at best I would have to put my truck in the shop and at worst I might not have a vehicle tomorrow for work. I tried to clean the spark plugs and I broke a wire. I got so absorbed in it after giving up a couple of times that I replaced all the plugs and the wires. It ran like a champ.

Thanks be to God.

Today I felt like I was getting sick. I managed to get the kids to mass but I went back to bed as soon as I got home. I felt bad for not going to the treatment center to the H&I meeting. I pray that someone showed up.

I got angry with my wife today when she was griping at me for sleeping. We recovered in the afternoon and I was grateful for her eventually when my parents came to visit.

My son and his best friend helped me wash our vehicles.

Today I thought some more about the bible animations that I saw yesterday. I remembered that I saw the story of James and how he and the apostles bickered over who should be the leader. Jesus taught them that they should not be worried about who the leaders were in this world but she be as little children and should love one another and forgive their enemies.

I related this to the situation with my son's baseball team.

I had an unusual train of meditation on step 1 about how when the addiction is removed the person is left with a new problem, a burned out spirit.

Going to sleep, thanks be to God.

This morning I was worried about making to baseball practice on time and I was a little resentful at my wife when I was making breakfast for the kids and she was sleeping.

At practice I was resentful that my son was grouped with the outfield kids. My son did very well today. He was the only kid to catch an outfield fly.

The coaches met at the end of the practice and I overheard them talking about my son. I heard one say he's got great spirit.

This afternoon we saw the animated story of Joseph and his ten brothers. I always heard the story with the emphasis on the final meeting with his brothers. But today I heard the story with the emphasis on his faith through both trials and good fortune. Everytime something bad happened to him through the treachery of people he trusted and no fault of his own, his persecution eventually led to a greater opportunity. Sometimes this took a long time but each opportunity would not have happened if it were not for the misfortune.

I realize now that I must have the faith of Joseph.

I have many things to be grateful for today.

Tonight I was meditating on working with newcomers and I thought of a method of having them pray a 1,2,3 step prayer every day until they reach step 11.

Dear God,
I believe that on my own I am powerless and my life is unmanageable. I believe (or I want to believe) that your are the power that will restore me to sanity. I firmly resolve and with your help to turn my will and my life over to you this day.

Amen