This morning I struggled to wake up and my prayers were groggy.

At noon i got to go to the meeting, we finished step 4 in the 12x12 and started tradition 4. I noted that a sentence says that the group must conform to principles for it's survival just like the individual. This tied in nicely to step 4 and it's lesson that personal conformance is the secret to a joy filled life not circumstances, people, or things.

This evening my son's baseball team was blessed with another win. A good time was had all around.

Thanks be to God.

This morning we read about Lazarus raised from the dead by the Lord. Our Deacon gave the homily and said that this should get us to think about our Lenten conversion. He said that we should ask ourselves how we have been converted this Lent. I thought about how recently I have felt a distinct increment of spiritual growth.

I have resolved to live in the world of the Spirit more.
I have resolved to be more open about my faith.
I have resolved to be a more consistent demonstration of my faith.

I have received the fruits of the spirit more.
I have received gratitude more.
I have been more awake to the still small voice of God.

After mass i went to the treatment center meeting. On the way there I had a phone call with a sponsee. After the meeting I got to meet with another sponsee.

On the way home I stopped at the store for some dinner items. At the checkout my card was declined. I went home and picked up some cash and went back and never had blame, resentment, or significant embarrassment. I just able to just deal with it. When I came home I got to practice sliding into home with my son. In the evening we watched a program about the pliosaur.

Thanks be to God for this day.

Today was a truly spectacular day.

I woke up to a spiritual experience from my dreams.
The kids all joined me in bed as we woke up joyous and laughing in a new day together.
My wife woke up with us and we cooked a pancake breakfast.
The wind was roaring out of the north and the sky was bright blue and everything is brilliant spring colors.

My son had a ball game at one o'clock. I wanted to get there early to get the boys warmed up at batting. As the I started to anticipate the game I found myself stressing about being early and how they would do. I resolved to keep it in perspective no matter what the missteps and no matter what the outcome. I didn't get there early but I got there on time.

It was an outstanding game against one of the best teams. The other team's players were better skilled and better coached. But our boys surprised us all and stepped up a notch and played a better game. They won their first game, we were all ecstatic!!

In the afternoon I chaperoned the toddlers while they rode bikes in the circle. I cleaned out our junk pile for bulky pick up. I was tire and didn't think I could handle cooking but I found a second wind and made a barbecue. My wife wasn't feeling well and fell asleep but I had the energy to handle it. She had to work tonight but I made it through that ok and now I lay me down to sleep.

Thanks be to God.


In the afternoon

This Saturday morning I woke up at 2:15 from a bad dream.

In the dream I was talking to a friend in the alley next to my childhood home while my kids played in the house. We were talking about some other people and the things they did. We saw smoke in the sky and went to investigate. As I walked to the end of the long alley fear gripped me when I realized that the smoke was coming from my house. I ran in the house hoping that the fire was in a place that I could put it out. I couldn't remember where the fire extinguisher was.

Remarkably I ran straight to the sink and pulled it out. The fire started behind a wall behind an appliance but I couldn't see exactly where it was. I couldn't remember how to use the fire extinguisher and I couldn't see very well. I managed to pull the safety ring and shoot the extinguisher but it was only coming out in spurts because I wasn't sure how to use it. I managed to get much of the fire out but I wasn't sure that it didn't spread to the attic.

I ran out outside and around to see and went into a panick when I saw that it did. I thought in fear of what my parents would think if I burned down their house. I kept using the extinguisher from inside and outside the house until it ran out but, the fire spread.

At this point the finality of losing the house and all my necessities and possessions was beginning to set in. Much of the house was damaged and I saw a fire truck pull out of a fire house. Even if they put it out the house will have too much damage and water damage. I thought that all my children were accounted for but I thought about how we would be homeless from this point on. I thought about how incomfortable and tragic this day would be. I wondered where my kids would eat and rest and play and take naps. I wondered where we would eat and sleep tonight. I desperately tried to screw on the water hose on the side of the house as the fire raged above me. I screamed no, no, NO, NO!!! And then I woke up.

I went to sleep after being grateful and praying.

I had another dream in which I accidentally drowned a puppy when I peed in a box where he was sleeping. Then I had a long detailed dream that I was trapped with my family in my house by aliens that said they were taking over the world. But then a helicopter landed and some very tall very strange people came in on a rescue mission. They told me they were my cousins. I didn't know if this were a rouse or they really meant it. They trapped the aliens and escorted them out.'

In the morning I prayerfully considered what these dreams were. I thought about how I haven't written inventory 3 times this week. I think these dreams were a vision of the spiritual battle within. I need to know danger of my house burning down if I don't keep out the aliens through personal inventory and prayer.

I was not paying attention in the house when the fire started.
I really couldn't see where the fire was.
I couldn't remember how to put the fire out.
The fire extinguisher was expired and not working well.

This Friday morning I was grateful that I woke up early without a hangover.

I had to turn away the impulse to flirt this morning. I thought about how this seems innocent and controlled in the conscious part of my thinking but how it resonates in my subconscious and I do not know how those thoughts will behave there. If they grow there then they could breed discontent and restlessness.

I got to go to the noon meeting. We had it in a different space today due to some cleaning that was going on at the church. We read from Jim's story. I thought about how I related to him in that he didn't have a severely disordered childhood but he did come from a low social class. Nevertheless he didn't blame this for his alcoholism. He did however recognize it as a pathological disorder, and he was a doctor.

I loved the lightning storms in the morning and the cool blue skies in the afternoon.
I was grateful for creativity, efficiency, and initiative at work.

In the evening I had to take care of the kids by myself while my wife went to her meeting. At times I wasn't as attentive as I should be. At times I griped disrespectfully at God's children too much.

In the end my son and I cleaned up and we went to bed with a clear conscience, albeit exhausted.

I am writing this inventory on Saturday morning because I passed out before doing so Friday night.

Thanks be to God.

Today was a very good day, I am grateful for...

a reasonable workload,
a taco breakfast,
some great insight and inspiration,
the noon meeting that I got to go to and listen,
The texts from my wife from her new phone,
an awesome ping pong match (even though I lost),
that we didn't have hail and tornadoes at my house,
to get to watch my wife try on new clothes,
to get to go to a company party at a super nice restaurant,
to have good times with friends,
to get to come home to a nice home and a loving family... sober,

Thanks be to God!

This morning I thought about faith and reason and science. I thought about them as three overlapping circles which intersect and compliment each other. I thought about how this is the current evolutionary step of mankind.

This morning I was concerned about not doing inventory 2 times this week. I took a quick assessment of my spiritual disciplines and then continued in meditation. Later in the morning in a thought filled moment I realized that waves of materialistic and judgemental thinking were lapping at my psychic doorstep.