After class this morning I was able to devote a quality effort on the final project of the semester.  I am doing a presentation on life's greatest lesson from the book we read "Tuesday's with Morrie."  I am focusing on the problem of death.

I was a little stressed out about this after class today as several people did their presentations and focused on their passions.  They also all had visual presentations except for one and this compelled me to do one even though I wasn't planning on it.  I had a moment of panic in class that my presentation was due today, but it wasn't.  The teacher pulled my leg and called my name to scare me.

This evening I got to go to a meeting.  We talked about the futility of schemes to shield the alcoholic.  It was a controversial topic split down the middle.  Some members put a heavy emphasis on avoiding people, places, and things.  Others, myself included, place all the emphasis on a psychic change and allow good decisions to follow.

Thanks be to God.

This Monday morning I did a presentation in my Social Services class.  I was grateful to have the faculties to get through it with ease.  I was grateful that I had it done well ahead of time and didn't have to be stressed over it.

In the afternoon I was able to get home and focus on finishing my paper for Personal Adjustment class.

I spent some time with the kids outside.

Thanks be to God.

This morning I felt very cognizant when I woke up.  It was the second good day in a row.  During my morning routine, I thought of a better approach to my school project that is in process.  I wished that I could capitalize on this inspiration but I had to feed the kids.  During breakfast I watched a program in which Fr. Barron spoke of the nature of God as being.  That this is what Aquinas said.  That God is not a genus but that God is being.  

We made it to mass on time.  It was the first week of Advent and I was deeply moved by our worship and music. Our priest gave a great sermon on the business of our buzy-ness.  He spoke of the need to prioritize the spiritual life.  After receiving communion, as I sat with my eyes closed in meditation, the point of light that I sometimes see out of the corner of my eye appeared more distinctly than ever before and directly in the center of my line of sight.  It also lingered more than ever before.  My daughter interrupted me but I was not aroused.  As we exited our pew I got separated from my wife and children and took up the end of the line.  I was feeling a little worn at this point from the effort that it takes to manage the children.  An elderly lady walked alone ahead of me and I felt her loneliness.  I thought of what it must be like to perhaps be separated from your loved ones.  For the days of buzy-ness and joy filled family life to be long gone.  The atmosphere turned eerily distant and echoing to me at that moment.  I suddenly felt a calling from behind in the sanctuary, from behind the altar.  I felt longing and sadness.  I felt love and passion wash over me.

I tried to work on my book report after dinner but my parents showed up to visit with my niece.  I thought it was odd and I couldn't help but resent it a little as I was feeling the pressure to work on my project due Tuesday.  We had a difficult discussion about my sister-in-law who called and griped at my parents this morning about her perceived lack of support from them for her son.  The entire time I had this feeling that I had important things to talk to my parents about but I couldn't find them.  When my parents left the house my dad started talking to me about how hard my niece took parting with her mother today and about other things.  I was grieved that he waited until then to try and talk as my mother and niece were waiting in the car and I really couldn't engage in the discussion that this merited.

I tried to work again this afternoon but was continually interrupted by the needs of my children.  I had a hard time keeping them active outside and off the video games.  I had to take a different tact with my son about baseball practice.  I had to inform him that it is not a choice for him to participate, that it is a requirement that he participate in a team sport and that we have decided that baseball is the best choice.  This is part of his personal character and health development.

Thanks be to God for this day.

This Saturday morning I woke up a little earlier and considerably more alert than recent days.  It was one of those times when I feel inspired during prayer and find greater understanding and make additions.

I got to work a little on my school project due Tuesday.  But, my wife left me with the kids and this kept me busy.

In the evening I got to go to a meeting.  I felt stressed out from isolation with the kids all day and questioned whether or not to go.  But, I just had to get out of the house and interact with adults.  At the meeting I felt spiritually flat but felt better as I talked to people.  I also sensed that they were not completely inspired.  I was asked to present a topic.  I talked about my objections to relinquishing my will and read from the Twelve and Twelve. I was a little disappointed to drift into things I have already said at meetings recently.

During meditation my ears began to ring and the radiance of light that I sometimes focus on appeared in a very elaborate and distinct way.

Thanks be to God.

This morning I found myself in a strange place having feelings of inadequacy.  I was thinking of my studies, of my choice of profession, about starting at the bottom perhaps or not getting enough education?   I was also thinking and debating in mind with people who have different views than me.  I think that I was placing myself too far into the realm of education alone as the sole source of wisdom.

I also thought some about identity.  About how how recovery from addiction became a large part of my identity when I got sober.  This didn't happen intentionally and I never thought about it this way, but it took up so much of my thought life and time that it sort of happened automatically.  I think that a large part of the reason for this is also the void that was left in the wake of the change of lifestyle that was a fundamental part of my previous identity.  However, rather than recovery being the central focus, perhaps spiritual awareness and formation are more apropos.

I also found myself feeling some deprivation of spiritual vitality this morning.  At one point my when my wife was gone and my sons kept interrupting me I got very angry.  I was trying to get started on my paper and thinking about my presentation for school and my feelings cascaded into a rage and blamestorm.  Fortunately I had the fortitude to resist them and to pray for serenity.

This evening I got to go to a meeting.  The topic was about time spent with family during the holidays and how we deal with resentment. Afterward I got to talk to a friend about the married life and dealing with my own resentments instead of trying to change others.

Thanks be to God.

Last night I was very late getting to bed.  This morning I was late waking up and didn't quite make it through all of my prayers.  It might seem silly to write about this but I am doing so because I wish to maintain my faith in the importance of prayer and I wish to stick to the principle that routine sleep patterns are vital to peace of mind and good function.

Perhaps as a consequence of not getting enough sleep I forgot my backpack.  So I bought a spiral notebook and some pens at the campus store which is way overpriced.  Then I kept feeling remorseful about spending six dollars and couldn't let it go.  Perhaps that was a consequence of incomplete prayer.  Anyway, forgetting was completely inconsequential as we just had presentations today and I didn't need to take notes.

This afternoon I went and got a haircut.  It was the second in as many weeks.  I asked the stylist about her Thanksgiving plans and was taken aback by her response that she is not looking forward to the holiday.  She went on to describe her attitude as humbug about it.  She griped about her financial situation, and ranted about her husband's lack of employment and bad purchases.  She went on to talk about all the was in which the holiday is just a big annoyance and her dissatisfaction with her lot in life.  This attitude was at once startling and at the same time very familiar.  I was very grateful to that the holiday is truly meaningful for me now.  I told her about our families plans and how I have been teaching my kids the true meaning of Thanksgiving and how to appreciate all the graces in life that we might take for granted.

Again I felt overly remorseful about spending money (for the haircut).

In Human Growth and Development class we had a lecture about the late adulthood stage of life.  One of the issues that was reviewed was the importance of good sleep.

This evening I got to go to a 12 step meeting.  We talked about the idea that we do not recover so long as we place dependence upon people over dependence upon God.  I got to talk to an old friend.

Thanks be to God.

This morning I got off to a good start for the second day in a row.  While I was getting the kids off to school I had some random thoughts about a better way to tell my story but I couldn't remember them later.  This was deeply disappointing.  I have to make a better effort to stop and jot notes somehow when this occurs.  In my first class I took a test and did very well.  Afterward I talked to a friend about his financial situation which is similar to mine.  I felt a lot better about things.

At noon I went to my youngest daughter's Thanksgiving presentation at our church.  I was glad to be able to participate in this sort of event to become more and more active there.

The rest of the day my wife was working and I had kid duty.  I got to do a landscaping task I have wanted to do.  I got to do some pre-cleaning for Thanksgiving.  I got to watch a show about the holiday with my kids.

Later I got to watch a very good episode of the program "Intervention."

Thanks be to God for this day.