This morning I had a thought about love.  I thought about how true love is not just a feeling but an act of the will. I thought back to the ideas that there are 3 parts to love and that there are different types of love.  In Sternberg's triangular theory of love the three parts are commitment, intimacy, and passion.  The "feeling" part is the passion of romantic attraction.  But this doesn't work well for other types of love such as brotherly love or charitable love or motherly love.  But it does if the primary triangle is commitment, intimacy, and other types of passion or strong feelings. And this passion can be cultivated through willing oneself to practice commitment and intimacy.

This morning I chose to pray.  I prayed for a connection to God and for the power to behave according to his will and law.  I chose to live a life of good relationships and improvements to the lives of others.

At the learning lab I chose to set aside web browsing and do a few math problems.  In between classes I chose to turn away from sexual arousal and turn toward the valuation of life.

In class I chose to subside my elevated defensiveness when I heard my professor mis-characterize the position of pro-life organizations.

At times I had to choose to set aside my fears about the papers, tests, and math problems that I have coming up.  Furthermore I had to turn my attitude toward the idea that they will get done and be adequate even if they are not as elaborate or I am not as prepared as I would like to be.  I must choose not to anxietize myself over what has not yet happened.

When I returned home I chose to face the discussion that my wife and I needed to have about my son missing a ball game to participate in the Music Memory contest.  I had to set aside my ideas about how she would communicate with me.   Furthermore I had to strive to valuate her needs and resist villifying her as a threat to my ideas about my son's needs.

In writing this journal I chose to look at the present first rather than revisiting the past 2 weeks of not reviewing.  I may yet look back at them but only if today's business is done.

Thanks be to God for the power to choose.

The past few days I have been thinking about factors in the addiction treatment.  Our textbook lists some but they all appear to be external or secondary.  I believe the primary factors to be in the area of self regulation.  Namely impulse control, illicit values, hyper hedonism, self-serving bias, etc.

Yesterday in thinking about what to talk to my son's little league team about mistakes could be game changers I thought of three distinct types.  The plays they could make, the plays they ought to make, and the plays they should make.

This morning I was grateful to get the kids going and get to mass on time.  I believe that I made an effective communion with the LORD.   Our readings were about spiritual blindness and the light of God.

This afternoon I really enjoyed attending a birthday party with my son for one of his teammates.

I managed to get the yard cleaned up this weekend and get all the leaves out to the curb for pick up.  It was hard work.

I didn't get any math work done.  I have been very worried about this but yesterday I was able to recognize my fear as lack of faith.   I hope to return to that faith now.

I got to talk to a guy today about his troubles.  I believe that he is a person moving toward recovery.

Thanks be to God for this day.

This Saturday morning we had a baseball game at 9:00 am and then another at noon.  After the first game and post game meetings and such we gathered ourselves in front of the concessions and tried to determine our course of action amidst the chaos of kids chattering and parents reacting.  My wife decided that we needed to go eat at a restaurant.   I suggested that we eat at the concession stands.  At the restaurant we enjoyed ourselves some but we also bickered over kids not wanting to eat.  I got resentful because my instincts had told me that the kids didn't really like this food but my wife can't accept it.

My older son's team lost.  He pitched a great game and hit well also.  His team also hit well but the other team made great infield plays that prevented us from scoring.

This Friday I found myself worrying about a multitude of things all at once.  It was around 10:30 am just at the time of day when I am typically in my most attuned state of mind.   I was worried about staying on task.  I was anxious about math homework.  I was worried about the presentation paper that I must write.   I was worried about not doing 12 step work.  I was worried about making appointments and getting important tasks done this day.  I was worried about making the wrong choice and stopping at the thrift store.  I was worried about scheduling and the Knights of Columbus wives dinner on Sunday night.  I was worried about being isolated due to having to care for my kids.  I was worried about preparing for baseball games this weekend.  I was worried about my house being a mess and the yard work that needs to be done and bulky pick up that needs to be put out and the cars need to be washed and whether or not the bank would let me make a withdrawal, etc.

I am not sure if these are all the things that I was worried about but I wanted to make a special effort to remember this because I struggle to think of true feelings to review in my evening reviews.  Lately it seems that I have just been journaling events of the day rather than my true states of mind or spirit.

I got to have a wonderful lunch at a restaurant with my daughter on her insistence.  She saw a restaurant patio and said "Daddy I wan't to eat I am hungry.  I want to eat at a pink restaurant like that one."  I found a Mexican restaurant that suited her because it had some pink in the decor and she liked the palm trees.  We had a nice Lenten lunch of cheese enchiladas and a grilled cheese sandwich.

I got to go to a meeting in the evening.  We talked about the second half o step twelve.  As usual I was on good track with my thoughts but when I shared I got side tracked a little and was disappointed.  But it kept me thinking about the application of the work in all areas of my life.

I had a discussion with a guy after the meeting that really got me thinking about taking spiritual initiative and the spiritual lead in couples relationships.

Thanks be to God.

This morning in Counseling Theories class we got to talk more about transactional analysis which I found very interesting.

I got almost nothing done in math as I started a new chapter.  I was heavily distracted and had math nausea.

At noon I went to the 12 step meeting.  The attendees decided to have a study session for our addictions class instead.  I had mixed feelings about this but since the meeting is not affiliated with any 12 step fellowship there are no traditions to cite as binding.  One girl said she was shaky and wished for a meeting.  But this was quickly drowned in the chaotic study group.  I just sat and listened mostly as I was unprepared for the test.  I also noticed that I had a type of anxiety that I experience when many voices are speaking at once in a group.

I believe that I did well on the test.

In the afternoon I cleaned up a section of the yard for a garden for my kids.

Thanks be to God.