Friday, July 15, 2011

Last night I had a dream about addictive behavior.  In the dream I was driving home from work in another city.  I was exhausted and seeking to unwind.  I thought about a social night ahead that involved partying and drinking.  I had a vague sense of guilt that I shouldn't but I thought that this was just a troublesome behavior that I should resist.  As I passed the city on the way home, I couldn't imagine going home and then coming back and rationalized that I should just detour to town and a bar.  On my way to a bar I passed an urban townhome complex where I had previously scored drugs and I rationalized that I should look up friends that I had partied with before.  I wandered into the complex aimlessly, not sure why I was there but definitely not going to score drugs, maybe not.  My old  using buddy joined alongside me walking down a long hall talking about his recent encounters with acquaintances as he often did.  At some point he mocked a friend who had given him an emotional account of his conversion to faith.  I separated from the friend and encountered a tall platinum blond woman.  I entered an elevator alone and entered into an internal dilemma in which I wanted to run away alternating with wanting to cop drugs.  The lights went off in the elevator and I frantically tried to find the buttons to get back to the ground floor and get off.  There was a dark figure in the elevator trying to convince me of something.  There door cracked opened but I was still trapped.  A twin of the tall platinum blond woman was outside also trying to convince me to do something.

I was very attention deficient in my prayers when I woke up but I got through them.

No comments: