Last week I attended a class in which the instructor asked if we as care workers had self-care plans. I did not raise my hand out of insecurity to be asked to describe it. I took this as a sign that I need to get back on track with some of these practices. She then asked us to name one practice in which we would engage this week. I rose my hand and offered to re-engage in journal writing. This is that action.

At the end of the class the instructor commented to me personally that this was a good step. I simply replied "yes, thank you." Afterward, I thought of so much I could have said. This moment was just one of many such instances, including during the class, in which I felt a step slow in conversations in which I had much to say which would have been useful and relationship building. I thought about how this will come just as in baseball. In time I will be able to bring to mind more quickly what I need to say and do through mastery and anticipatory thinking. I am currently out of practice of social engagement. This will return in time.

I also realized that I needed to re-engage my meditative practices as well. Perhaps this was another reason that I didn't answer, because I felt that my practices were too simplistic. But today I saw a program about mindfulness meditation which reminded me that they are not. So tonight I reread a little of "Teach Yourself to Meditate" and received a great sense of reinforcement that my practices are adequate.

A lot has happened in the last few weeks and days and I have felt great highs and lows. This weekend I felt really down after receiving a call from my wife in which she cussed at me and hung up. This sent me into a deep depression. I analyzed my feelings and realized that the source of fear was a sense of ineptitude. While I was able to turn over my wife's behavior to God, and pray for my fear to be removed, it was not until this afternoon, 48 hours and some unexpected weekend accomplishments later, that my depression lifted. I also realized that I was sick this weekend. I waited too long to take a decongestant, but when I did, my lethargy also lifted.