This morning I got to go to a meeting.  It was at the big AA club where there are a number of off-center contributors so I resolved to stay focused on the topic, on principle, and on my experience.   A guy greeted me by name and I called him by the wrong name, by the name of another guy of his minority race.  I was disappointed in myself but then I heard him call another guy the wrong name and make the awkward amends like I did.  Some people cross-talked and criticized each other and I allowed this to disturb me.  There was a new person and a visitor in the room also.  I was disappointed in myself for allowing myself to become anxious over these things.  When I spoke I hit a blank spot which caused me to speak awkwardly instead of powerfully.  I eventually did cover my points, but did so in a manner that I thought was not convincing.  An old timer shared in a sober, reasonable, and convincing manner after me.  He said some very uplifting things and really served (along with others) to get the meeting on track.  While he said some great things, I realized that he unintentionally conveyed less of an orientation toward God as a power than I did.   While my delivery could stand improvement I found acceptance by being satisfied with the content.  The visitor was the last to share At the end of the meeting, it turns out that she was originally from here, and probably had the greatest amount of clean time, and the best delivery of the message in the room.  I realized that God has control of the experience that visitors have to the group and that I had been anxious because of my expectations.

Afterward the reasonable old timer thanked me for my contribution and gave me encouragement.  When I told him of my anxiety over my mistakes, he shared his experience with self-defeating feelings as coming from the adversary.  I received the spiritual edification that I needed!