This was the toughest morning of the week. I had a really hard time waking up this morning. I was very tired at work at times. But, I noticed just how much less of an issue this is today than it was in the past. It's like there is a long time in which a reserve of stamina must be recovered and built up.

I had a work evaluation today that I forgot about. It was very unnerving. It is difficult because the behavioral expectations of the people in my workplace are based on principles that differ from those which i live by. I also am just do not feel like i am as swift a thinker as they are. Nor am i as involved in the business or work culture as they are.

Nevertheless, I got through the review with a good rating and my bosses told me that I had shown great improvement. Thanks be to God.

Last night I had a conversation with a guy who went to the Lenten Mission with us. He asked many intellectual questions about faith which threw me for a loop. I felt at times that he was intentionally putting together difficult phrases and not entirely making sense or purposely making overly complex arguments. It was as if he kept trying to goad me into contradicting myself and at times I struggled not to. At one point I realized that I was misstating the conviction that I should hold about my faith.

I realized that this may be a form of disordered thinking, of intellectualism. The ISM is the over-value of intellect as the sense of self worth. Intellectualism becomes a form of excessive pride and self-righteousness. In the case of last night it becomes so dis-ordered that the person can begin to use it as a tool to build oneself up and demean others or prop up one's opinion. I think in this case it is so bad that one could be making false or meaningless statements as leverage.

It bothered me that I may be relying too heavily on pleasing people and watering down my faith. I need to develop a deeper conviction to the truth of my faith. I am sorry Lord for straying from the firmness of truth toward relativism.

Thanks be to God for all the blessings and graces that I have received today.