I remembered today that sometime last night or in the past day I had a using dream.

Thank God I woke up feeling better today.  I got up first and got the kids started.  I woke up my wife kind of abruptly when she didn't get up on  her own as the kids were starting new camps and I was a little apprehensive.  Perhaps I should have been more understanding and gone ahead and handled it and let her sleep in.

I was really motivated to do my schoolwork and I got 2 chapters of math done.  I got to enjoy some adorable moments with my youngest daughter today playing blocks and dinosaur tea party.  I was proud of her for doing great in her potty training.

I again feared making the wrong decision in my education until I thought it through a bit about the rigors of schoolwork and the reality of my situation.  I wrapped up work late in the afternoon just in time to go to an evening class.  My brain felt like jello.  As I was leaving for my class my wife drove up and I asked my son how his day at camp was as he didn't feel well this morning.  My wife griped at me for not asking my daughter .  I was resentful that she griped at me in front of her and implied that I don't care about her as much.  I had to stop myself from cascading into anger.  I had to accept that she has feelings that I cannot change.

My psychology class was very interesting and informative as we talked about personality theory and disorders.  I found out that I did good on my test but caught myself being disappointed and envious when I heard other's grades that got perfect or near perfect scores.  I had to practice acceptance, I should have prayed.  I learned some new information about Jung's theory of the persona and the shadow.  The idea that the shadow is the baggage of the past that must be faced and brought to the light of day sounded a lot like the 5th step of the 12 steps.  Then the teacher talked about the golden shadow which is the transformation of this baggage into tools to become more effective and help others.

I got to go to a 12 step meeting tonight and the topic was "acceptance is the answer." I got to share in the first awkward silence.  A guy asked me to sponsor him. I got to talk to friends after the meeting.

My wife griped at me for not calling her when I got out of class early and went to a meeting.  I must accept that she has feelings that I cannot change and I must take responsibility for my own recovery.

Thanks be to God.