In the morning before class a friend joined me for coffee. We had what I have started to call our meeting before the class. I shared with him my recent thoughts about the 5 stages of grief and how they apply to other major life crises especially addiction. I talked to him about how I suspected that it was somehow helpful in the steps toward addiction recovery. As I talked it out with him I realized my theory. If a person is exhibiting any of the other stages besides denial and avoidance then it is a sign that they can be reached. If they are in the stages of anger, bargaining, or depression then they can be coaxed toward the final stage, acceptance.

An interesting discussion broke out in my orientation to social work class today. The professor set out to describe three main approaches to services for the mentally ill. These are the medical (biological), the psychotherapeutic, and the behavioral approach. In describing the medical approach the professor explain the tendency to label all disorders as biological in nature and treatable with medication. He then discussed the failings of this approach and described some history and examples. For a time he stuck to the example of schizophrenia and the difficulty of getting patients to take medication and stick to them and readjust them periodically. He said another problem is that this doesn't really solve the condition, it just suppresses the symptoms. All went well for a while and it was an interesting topic. I thought about how our medical technology is at an early and crude state of development and we will someday look back at this time in the same way that we look at medieval medicine.

At some point he used alcoholism and the class got sidetracked from there. He talked about how alcoholics popularized the idea of labeling and identifying yourself with the disorder dujour. He got into the topic of recovered vs. recovering. The classroom digressed into several other topics of this nature and it turned into a real circus. I felt really uncomfortable with this whole sequence of discussion even though I have a lot to say about them. It seemed that this was the wrong place and time. It seemed that many of the students could benefit from attending AA meetings where it appropriate to talk about them.

One woman then brought up her objection to the whole notion that once an addict, always an addict. She stated that her friend still uses actively and tells her this but that she doesn't believe it. She also talked about how she didn't buy the notion that she couldn't drink even though she had had a problem of abusing a substance. The classroom literally exploded with people arguing and debating and just flat out talking out loud. The professor then asked her what the substance was. She reacted in a way that I haven't seen in a long long time. She got really embarrassed and put on the spot and hemmed and hawed and couldn't say it. Finally the professor coached her and she said cocaine. At this point I shot my hand in the air to try and inform her of the alteration of the addictive molecule when cocaine and alcohol are mixed. Thankfully he never called on me and my excitement subsided and I stayed out of it. We never got back on track and the class ended. Afterward I realized that the woman had exhibited and pretty strong form of avoidant behavior.

In the evening my oldest son had a baseball game and my middle ones had a practice. My oldest was sick last night and this morning so he stayed home from school. He vomited 6 times last night and still had a fever at noon. It didn't look promising but in the afternoon he perked up. I coaxed him into the idea that he could attend to support his team but that he wouldn't be asked to work too hard if he couldn't. When my wife came home she was shocked at this and griped loudly. I was afraid that she screw up my plans and I yelled at her. She unleashed a barrage of gripes at me and I resisted retaliating for a moment but then jibed in the last word. I don't know if this was appropriately assertive or unduly defensive. I do know that it is unhealthy for us both and for our family and has to stop. I also know that in the moments that followed I issued a barrage of blame in my mind for her argumentative nature, poor communication skills, and poor parenting which is also wrong for me to do. I thought of how just this morning or last night sometime I was taking stock of how fortunate I and my kids are to have her.

I was proud of my son tonight for making it to his game and for showing good character in supporting his team. I had a great heart to heart talk with him about it afterward. I feel blessed to have him for my son.

Thanks be to God.