Last night I had a dream that surprised me. It was your typical using dream, at least what I could remember from it. I didn't remember what exactly was going on, but I remember the feelings, attitudes, and motives that dominated me at that time. The surprising part was that these feelings and motives are so foreign to me now. I didn't realize just how much the things I care about and value have changed until they were contrasted with the old ones. It's no wonder that I don't feel the sense of urgency in my sobriety activities lately as it seems that my motivational forces have moved another degree in progression toward normalcy.

I also felt very ill last night with a sore throat but resisted the idea that I was going to wake up ill and I prayed for healing. Then I remembered hearing that gargling with mouthwash had a disinfectant affect, so I got up and did this. I felt sick all the way up until my last minor waking at about 5 am. When I woke up for good I felt a hundred percent better and was able to help my wife by getting the kids up.

This evening I got to go to a meeting. It was at my home group which is dwindling in attendance. I really had that feeling that just being there was a major service effort as there were only 3-4 people there at the beginning of the meeting including someone new. It was one of those times when the small number grew and it ended up being just right by the end. I heard something for the first time ever. Someone said that "today he has sufficient force" (to defend against the first drink). I considered the idea of God's power restoring the right motivational force. I remembered how I struggled with the idea of God as a power but I might have understood the idea of God as a driving force in the motives.

Thanks be to God.