This morning I woke up on time and got a good start to the day with effective prayer and meditation.  I listened to a talk about the biblical story of the rich young man.  The priest related the story to holding on to things and being unwilling to exert ourselves in spiritual discipline in order to grow in holiness.  He talked about our struggles to give up our ease and do what we don't want to do.  He used examples like sports professionals who when they wish to move to the next level like from high school to college or from amateur sports to professional, of how they must sacrifice many things and freedoms and put in the work to achieve that skill level.  I thought of how I have struggled this weekend to complete my math assignment. On Friday it seemed so hard to get anywhere. I thought I would never be able to stay focused because I do not have a natural interest in math.  I thought that I would never be able to understand it because I have lost much of my mental faculties.  I thought that I will never be able to adjust my need to work piece meal without distractions and interruptions from my family and other obligations.  But I just tried a little harder and persevered a little longer when I was ready to give up. I prayed and considered that I have a duty to try despite my will to quit.

By Saturday evening my ideas and attitudes had changed.  I got caught up.  I felt that I had broken through my mental block and my memory was refreshed.  I gained momentum and interest and confidence that I can do this school work.  I also gained a new sense and optimism that I could maintain a spiritual life on God's terms that would keep me with Him.

We mad it to mass on time and in good spirits.  My wife and I bickered a little before.  I should have spoken a little more respectful to her when we were getting ready.  I had to have a little behavior correction talk with the kids when we got home.  Nothing major but I was grateful for the ability to speak authoritatively and with confidence of good parenting strategy.  I felt a strong sense of unity with my wife in our growth together as parents.

In the afternoon I had to resolve a problem with our printer/scanner in order to be able to send in school assignments.  I had worked on this yesterday and learned that I needed to rearrange equipment configuration in our (my wife's) office.  This required that I completely deconstruct the huge mess and bring order to the room while my wife was away at a birthday party.  Predictably when she got home she got upset and we got into an argument about it.  There was a point where I lost my temper.  But something unusual happened.  I won the argument.  I have always known that I have this potential but have never been able to maintain my mental capacity.  I always get to angry and get a mental block.

Nevertheless, I still need to apologize to her and make amends.

I felt guilty in the afternoon because I did not make time to meet with a new guy to do his step work.  I struggled to justify leaving home and doing something other than attending to my families needs.  In the evening I started have the same struggle to justify going to a meeting.  I managed to get myself out the door and get to the meeting.  My friend the new guy was there.

One of those synchronous God moment happened tonight.  We were reading from the chapter Bill's story.  A line caught my attention, "Out of this ally of drink and speculation, I commenced to forge the weapon that one day would turn in its flight like a boomerang and all but cut me to ribbons." I thought of how Bill tells of the events, interests, culture, and attitudes of his time when he developed his addiction to alcohol.  I always wondered why he included so much about himself, his war record, Wall Street, Golf, cross-country travelling, etc.   I thought perhaps it was because his self-image and and attitudes were so integrated into this
alcoholic delusion fable.

I thought of my own addiction fable and how it was fueled with drink and expirementation and attached to the counter culture of my time.  I remembered my attitudes them when I began to rebel against all the ominous warnings I received.  I was told that if I indulged in vices and sins that they would turn on me like a boomerang.  But I had begun to try these things and enjoyed them seemingly with impunity.  I remembered that song by the Stones "I'm free to do what I want any old time."

For a long time, like Bill, I lived the high life with friends in high places.  I came out of my introversion and did things and met people like I never could before.  I became part of a scene and ran with a crew of guys that weren't losers or sots.  I drank the finest drink and snorted the finest blow.

But eventually it turned on Bill and drinking became a necessity not a luxury.  Alcohol became his master and he drank "Bathtub Gin", two bottles a day.  For me it was a twelve pack a day and some "Bathtub crank."

When the meeting was opened up for sharing, the weird thing was that two guys shared about the boomerang before me.  At the end of the meeting a guy shared about how he like Bill was now experiencing the "fourth dimension of existence." About how he was now truly free.

I got to read the paragraph where Bill's friend stressed the importance of working with others.  I thought this was synchronous also as I almost didn't go to the meeting and I was thinking that I don't have time to work with the new guy for good reasons. At the end of the meeting my enthusiasm was renewed and the new guy asserted a specific time commitment from me... awesome!

Thanks be to God.