Last night I was grateful to have found a recording of my friend Blind Dave doing a workshop on steps 1,2, and 3 at a rather large AA convention. I was really impressed again to hear how good of a speaker he is. I found myself envying his ability until I remembered that he used to be a preacher and that's why he has so much experience.

Tonight I watched a show about the Seven Deadly Sins with my son. It was a really good show that explored the sins and the consequences of them from an objective and practical perspective. It explored the religious origins of the moral code but also the psychological and instinctual origins of the sins themselves.

I found the approaches to studying and correcting the behaviors to be very interesting in that people often lean too far in one direction or the other. In one superstitious extreme some believe that people with sin disorders to be possessed and that exorcism alone to be the solution without regard for the long term habits that are ingrained behaviors and require continued therapy. Others look solely to the brain chemistry and think that chemical balance is the solution. They look at the electrical activity in the brain and identify what are a sin resides in. In other words trying to fix a software problem with a hardware solution.

I believe that sins are a problem of the mind, not the brain, and not demonic possession. I believe that the mind is just the vessel of the feelings, conceptions, and spirit of a person. I think that the chemicals and electronic impulses are just the carriers of the thought processes and the chemical imbalances are caused by imbalanced thoughts or sins. If you change the thinking and behavior then the brain mechanics will reflect this. I think that spiritual beings do exert some influence but that it requires our participation until we indulge in the sins to the extent that we become possessed. But, the solution to exorcise the possession is to exorcise the sin.

Today I was grateful that I was well enough to make it to work even though I was sick to my stomach and I gradually got better.
I was grateful that we closed at noon.
I was grateful that my son has a friend that likes baseball and he got us to practice.
I griped at the kids too much a few times.

Tonight at the end of our prayers, my oldest son and I reflected on a good year and thanked God. I look for to another great year coming up, they just keep getting better and better.

Thanks be to God.

Today I had a hard time waking up and praying again.

This morning I thought about how this weekend there were two times when my wife and I seemed on the verge of angry, bitter, disagreement of the type that we used to have, but we both averted it. The severity of these events seemed to have eluded me in my inventories for those nights.

Today was a very busy day at work with the new quarter imminent. There was a work project that we were tasked to collaborate on to revise a piece of work that someone else had already drafted. My draft was remitted to be redone in a different format which cost me double work and double the time. I found myself surging with resentment for a few moments, but I sought repentance and looked and focused on the team effort and was immediately relieved and inspired to get it done which I did. I am grateful that it is not pending because I was informed about another pending project that is imminent.

At noon today I got to go to the meeting. We read the end of step 9 and the beginning of tradition 10. I had to read and share a short time after arriving and with little meditation on the topic. I did ok but I had to wonder just how helpful it is to read so often about the traditions.

This evening I got to colect firewood on the way home, I got to swing the little ones on their playset, I got to throw passes with the older boys, and I got to eat a great dinner that my wife made.

Thanks be to God.

This morning I had a hard time waking up. So much so that I thought I might be sick or that I went to bed too late. I believe that it was just an adjustment from being off to going back to work.

I got to go to the noon meeting today. We finished More About Alcoholism and started We Agnostics. I thought about apatheticism and secularism today and how this is a more insidious evil that can lead a person away from God and into disorder and dysfunction just as effectively as overt evil.

Walking down the street I had a moment when a desire sprung up. I took a spot check of my feeling and realized that there was a complex rationalization in a seemingly minor sin. Inside I was telling myself that the it wasn't important, or it wasn't harmful, or I really wasn't doing it, or just ignoring it would be enough. When I admitted it was happening, I didn't want to turn away. At that moment I remembered that during a recent "think through" I made a commitment to make Jesus and his Truth bigger and more important than this (or any) desire. So I did that (even though I couldn't remember all the reasons why)and was immediately free from the vice of the thought.

Tonight I was a little gripy to my wife at times.

As I was thinking about some of what was read at the meeting today. I remembered what I thought about it. This was about how I will slip into the obsession without warning apart from a spiritual power. I had spoken about my last relapse and I began to remember it. Suddenly I was drawn intensely into the chemo-erotic activities, feelings, and experience of the episode.

I must pray for God to remove them and to be the biggest and most important thing in my life as I did today.

Thanks be to God for a Power that will restore me to sanity.

This morning we were late getting up but I took it easy and we made it to mass on time and the kids were fairly well behaved. We avoided stress and irritability.

In the afternoon I became resentful that my wife was gone for a long time. I wasn't so much resentful at her as just not happy with not being able to accomplish anything that I wanted to do.

I got some dishes done, I got the trash out, I got some leaves put out, I chopped some firewood for the evening. I am listing these things to help see that I did something with this day.

I see now that these things were minor in comparison to guiding my kids in their spiritual formation, being present and loving in their lives, keeping them clean and fed and healthy, and just spending leisure time with them. I truly did accomplish alot today.

Tonight I watched a program about the assassination attempt by Schenk Graf von Stauffenberg on Adolf Hitler. The thing that got my attention was that he was a devout Catholic and his moral revulsion came from this.

Thank be to God for a good day.

This morning I was grateful that I woke up at a decent hour. I prayed and watched the mass and got the kids up and off to a good start.

I thought about how I used to be so irritable during the holidays and how I used to just see it as a big pain in my ass. I am grateful that I can appreciate and enjoy these times now despite the chaos.

At mid-day I jumped on my wife for using the broom to wipe the table and she got very angry. I had to be assertive one time and then let it go. I had to pray for God to keep me from being angry and I had to stop thinking about it and thinking critically about her. With a little time she recovered. I don't know if I was completely right and I don't want to review it with her but I need to make amends for getting after her.

In the afternoon we had another Christmas dinner with my nephew and my parents. We had a great meal and a great time. My body language to my sister in law was less than warm and I need to work on this. I tried to talk to my dad about the Christmas truce story in World War I. I could tell that he wasn't too interested and I never got to finish it. I know that I have a desire to reach him about spiritual matters and I find myself developing expectations when I find ways to work this into conversations. I realize that I was disappointed. I ask God to help me with this so that I can remain willing and find peace. We had fun, playing washers and practicing baseball with the boys.

In the evening I got to go to a meeting, I was grateful.

Today was a much more peaceful and serene day. I slept in a little and started to worry that I was sleeping too late but I managed to get going and got the kids up and started by 8:40.

Right after breakfast the phone rang and I uncharacteristically answered it. It was my wayward niece calling to wish us a Merry Christmas. I was grateful to get to speak to her and offer her some hope for a better life even though we didn't speak directly about this.

My son's friend came to visit and it was a blessing because he got us to go outside and hit baseballs into the batting net. Then he wanted us to take him on one of our bike rides so we did. We had a great ride even though I had a flat on the ride home. I had to walk about 10 blocks but it was still enjoyable and healthy exercise. I noticed that I didn't react poorly internally about it. I was able to just make a good decision about walking toward the gas station to get air and was able to jog with the bike.

Throughout the day I got to do some odds and ends around the house which helped me with a constructive outlook on ths day.

In the evening I got to go to my meeting. We read the story about the Mic Mac Indian.

I was grateful for the gift of recovery and the spiritual life today.

Today was a great Christmas day for my family but it was difficult for my wife and I.

The kids had a great time opening their gifts from Santa Claus in the early morning.

My wife and I had to get very busy preparing for Christmas dinner. By this time I was feeling overwhelmed with the kids as we had to deal with the chaos of them going nuts and then wanting breakfast and then trying to get the house cleaned up and the dinner going.

There was a point when I couldn't think anymore and the kids had on a movie that I couldn't stop watching. I wasn't being very helpful except to do occasional requests for the kids. My wife griped at me a few times and I judged her for losing site of the spirit of Christmas.

By the time dinner came together and we said grace, we felt better.

In the afternoon I began to feel the achy headache and weak feeling that starts every cold this season and I laid down for a minute and passed out for an hour or two.

I woke up and could see that my wife was resentful. But, physically I felt rested and I got busy and took over the kids and she laid down and passed out.

It was a bit stressful but I never felt as brain dead and weak as I did in the morning. I could have done a better job of letting my wife rest in peace but she did get to rest for a long time and she needed it.

Thanks be to God for this day and happy birthday Jesus.

This morning I got up and fed the kids. I knew my wife had been up late wrapping gifts so I was prepared to take care of the kids and clean up by myself. I managed to stay in good spirits until mid-afternoon. At some point my wife confronted me about my feelings and I realized that I must deal with feelings that accumulate despite whatever spiritual fitness and preparation that I might have. I tried to communicate to her that it was not her fault, but now that I think about it I must talk to her again.

I was deeply moved by the story of the Christmas truce that I saw today. I saw how powerful God truly is in that he could stop a war and change men's hearts. We also watched several children's programs. Each of them was about how people get caught up in the ideal Christmas experience and lose sight of the real meaning and helping others. Later I found myself judging my wife in this regard.

My wife took 2 of our kid's to mass and I stayed home with the others and watched the midnight mass on TV.

I played washers in the yard with a neighborhood boy and my son and we threw baseballs for a while. Later I went and collected fire wood for a fire.

Tonight we watched It's a wonderful life and I related to it in a way that I hadn't ever been able to before. I epecially noted that the final outcome was that the man had a conversion through a trial, a spiritual experience, and the grace of God.

At the end of this day I am grateful for the gift of the Son and for forgiveness and redemption and for eternal life. I am also grateful for a second chance at this life and for my wife and family. It truly is a wonderful life.

Today I was grateful for an easy day at work. My work volume was low due to the coming holiday. I got to finish a project that I had been working on for some time.

At noon I got to go to my meeting. The topic was tradition 8 again. We went through this tradition two weeks ago and then they got mixed up and went through it again. Today we were on the last page. There were some new people at our meeting and one of them was chairing. The meeting was late getting started when I got there and got off to an awkward start as they weren't sure what page we were on. I sat down and was the first to read.

I didn't have much time to think about the topic but thankfully I had some previous stuff to rehash from the previous weeks. I wasn't to pleased with the job I was doing but I was blessed with some thoughts that connected to my early sobriety and went off in a tagent but then came back to the tradition and sobriety and emotional sobriety at the group and personal level.

A lady with 36 years kindly shared that she couldn't hear what I said. A newcomer shared that he related to the parts where I went off topic.

In the afternoon I got to play table tennis twice. The matches were epic struggles in which my opponet and I took our skills to beyond the extent of what each of us thought we were capable of. In the end however, I lost both matches.

This is not a big deal, it is just a game. However, I realized on my way home again that I was experiencing an emotional let down and this was creeping into my other thoughts. As meaningless as the game was, I still had to pray to God to reform this. I gained immediate perspective and it left me.

This evening I chopped some wood from my woodpile and made a fire in the fireplace. I had the kids practice sitting for church and being quite. At one point my daughter was being defiant and I angrily swatted her. I felt an obligation to repent and I prayed and asked the Lord for guidance. My daughter behaved the rest of the night and I didn't get any feeling that I didn't do the right thing.

Later we watched Mother Angelica and I read a story with the kids.

We said our prayers together before bed and my daughter spoke her prayers next to me very consistently. She sounded like a little angel.

Thanks be to God for a great day.

Today I got to go to the noon meeting. We read from the first few pages of More about Alcoholism. The main theme of having been unwilling to admit we were alcoholic really stood out to me. Rather than getting into the themes of the individual paragraphs or individual sentences or individual phrases each of which can be topics to themselves, I just saw that they were all aspects of being unwilling to admit that I am a real alcoholic.

It occurred to me how many different facets there are just to make this particular admission: surrender, acceptance, willingness, honesty, compliance, humility, and comprehension.

The most important connection that I made was that the guy that I met with yesterday helped me to see that I had become unwilling to admit that I am a real alcoholic.

When I questioned whether I should go to the treatment center because I have a clean life, I was unwilling to admit that I was a real alcoholic.
When I questioned whether I had time to work with him because I had things to do at home I was unwilling to admit that I was a real alcoholic.
When I questioned whether or not I was as bad as him because he had been homeless, I was unwilling to admit I was a real alcoholic.

Willingness is something that must be replenished in me and is transitory due to my nature.

I realize that this is the same unwillingness that I had in the beginning.

Thanks be to God for willingness today.

Last night several of my kids were sick so I knew going to bed that it would be unlikely that we would make it to mass this morning. Thankfully I got up early and the kids woke up and we watched the mass live on TV. I made spiritual communion.

This afternoon I got to go to the CA panel speaker meeting at the treatment center south of town. I got to bring the topic, it was the importance of identification. I thought the point of it was a little lost on the panel but we kept our talking relatively brief and the community asked good questions. The last guy asked the question I had been waiting for, "what did you guys do right after you got out of treatment?".

After the meeting a guy asked me to hear his 5th step. It wasn't a perfectly done 5th step, I didn't go through the qualification interview, or the talk about sponsorship, or the talk about his previous stepwork, but we did talk about rigorous honesty, the importance of disclosing our dark secrets to someone, and the power that this work connects us to which is God.

The guy told me the facts about himself that he discovered from his 4th step and he told me about all the lows that his addictions took him too. He admitted his difficulty with his desire to get high. I was able to share my experience with these matters and how disclosure has helped me. We prayed and we talked and I was grateful for this gift that I needed just before Christmas.

I felt like I was being visited by an angel at times and at times I could see a demon. But in the end I saw a man who was willing, if just for today, and a man who has hope. I end this day with the hope and willingness that I needed.

I saw myself in that man and God spoke to me through this identification.

Thanks be to God for all the gifts and blessings I received today.

This morning I rose feeling pretty optimistic about this day. But after I fed the kids I got a headache and felt very tired when my wife finally got up around 10. I was resentful that my wife doesn't do a better job of cleaning the house and I was afraid that I was going to get stuck doing inside housework and not get to do yardwork. Somehow thoughts came to mind of all the addicts who don't have a good wife and house to get resentful about.

I fell into a deep sleep and was worried that I was losing the day. Thankfully I woke up before noon and went on to a better day.

I was blessed with the initiative and opportunity to rake leaves and clean up the yard little by little all day.

I got to throw baseballs with my son in the afternoon.

This evening I thought about basic instincts and psychic formation. I thought about how psychic formation and fitness must be the most important priority in my life.

Last night I never got to finish my daily review because my wife went to a Christmas party for the autism society and I had to take care of the children alone. I was disappointed because it seems that I really had a lot to write about. I was grateful to get to spend some time reading stories about the real Saint Nicholas with my kids.

Today I had to request to leave early so that my wife could go to the doctor with the kids. I was grateful for the courage and assertiveness to request off as I was initially afraid to ask. I was also grateful for the willingness to help and the opportunity to be helpful.

Tonight I got to go to our book study meeting. I had reservations about going again because I was afraid no one would be there. The meeting was very well attended and a new guy thanked us for being there. We read the story "On The Move". The title is based on the concept of geographical cures. I related to this in that I discovered geographical substances. When I discovered drugs this obscured my alcoholism and for the rest of my life I played musical chemicals.

After the meeting I got to talk to a friend who is recently back in recovery. We got to talk about our experiences in the events leading up to relapse and what it takes to make it.

Tonight I find myself resentful because I cannot remember the moments of inspiration that I had today. I just need to accept God's will and His time now that the kids have gone to bed. I am going to stop and pray

Today I was able to focus better on work.

Today I was able to behave more professionally and avoid gossipy talk.

At noon today I got to go to the 12 step meeting. We read from the chapter, "There is a Solution". The pages we read talked about the we and the admission. I talked about some things that were clear cut. But, I also spoke about some parts that were less obvious but have been important in the process for me, mainly how the family is part of the we and how that helped me with my willingness. I felt less confident about how helpful these things were and I think it came across in my voice.

A guy who is new shared very poignantly about how he is undergoing a shift in his life and he thanked us for everything that we share and he reassured us that it is all helpful to him. He shared a personal experience that brought me to tears and sent my gratitude off the charts.

This evening I was able to be kinder to my wife and kids.

Thanks be to God for gifts of the spirit.

Last night one of my children had a big diahrea accident in bed that we had to get up and clean.

This morning I was late geting out teh door and barely made it to work on time.

At noon I got to go to our 12 step meeting. THe topic was tradition 8 on non-professionalism. I was able to read and share on short notice again and managed to relate to the topic and do my part to support the meeting. A guy shared in the meeting (as he often does) in a way that I thought was not helpful, not on topic, disrespectful to God, and not sane. I found myself wondering if we have a responsibility to address this with him. I remembered a recent article in the grapevine that addressed this very subject but on a broader scale. I realized that I do not have to address it or try to manage it in any way. Instead I just need to continue to try and do the best job I can to live the principles myself. In doing this I do what I am responsible to do to uphold the traditions.

This afternoon I found myself talking and acting in an undisciplined and unprofessional manner. It was not terribly bad or anything but I just need to raise my level of integrity and work ethic higher. I also need to remain focused on work.

In the early evening I finished stringing the christmas lights, they look beautiful.

I had the 2 middle children practice sitting in Church again tonight, My wife was not too supportive about this and said something abou it being mean. I believe that it is mean to place an expectation on the kids to sit still in mass for an hour a week when they never have to do this anywhere else.

Late this evening I got cranky and irritable when she and I wanted to do different things at the same time. I was tired and lost the energy to be patient, tolerant, kind, and loving. I got irrationally angry when my will wasn't being done. I didn't take my will back, it just came back. I was disappointed in myself for this. I need to make amends with my wife.

I feel better now and pray to leave tonights issues in tonight and pray for a good night's sleep.

Thanks be to God for another great day full of opportunities to grow.

Today I got to go to the noon meeting. I sat down in a position that was next in line to read. I knew that I would called on next and it came immediately. The chairperson gave me the option to pass and I turned the decision back to him creating an awkward moment. It was not a big deal but I just thought that I did this out of fear and selfishness.

I did read and God blessed me with words to share from my experience, the principles of 12 step recovery, and the spiritual life.

This afternoon I had to answer an email that placed the cause of a problem with a customer on my actions. It took me a long time to draft a reply that stated the truth but wasn't too defensive. I managed to be somewhat understanding of my accuser and even helpful. In the end I received support from my boss and another co-worker and I may have come out ok. But I couldn't help feeling that I was too reactionary and defensive. I think that my response was the responsible thing to do as immediate feedback is teh culture of my company. Afterward I realized that I could have applied the principle of "seek first to understand" more thoroughly. In so doing I could have been less defensive and more constructive.

I got a phone call from a customer about a subject in which we had exchanged emails on a similar testy subject. This was another situation where I had to address a difficult subject diplomatically. I wrote a reply stating the facts and then I rewrote it from the perspective of empathy for her situation first, then a statement of facts with a pleasant and helpful tone. In her phone call my customer was concilliatory and willing to listen.

This afternoon I got a call from a good friend who is a fellow recovering addict. He needed to speak to another addict in recovery. This was just what I needed to help me meet my recovery fellowship needs because I needed to speak to another addict in recovery as I did not get to go to those meetings this weekend. I got to share my recent inventory and I got to hear his. In the end I felt like the student. A crazy thing happened when he quoted me that "I don't take my will back, it just comes". I remembered saying that but it was as if I were hearing it for the first time.

Thanks be to God for all His graces and blessingws, may I do better with them tomorrow.

This Friday I got to go to our company dinner with my wife. It was a difficult thing for us to do for lots of reasons. I was afraid to go because we didn't have any money and because of what unexpected expenses we might encounter. I had to ask my mom for money and all she had ws $7.00. But, the only expense was parking. The party was at the nicest steakhouse in the city in the heart of downtown across from city hall. It was difficult also for me to endure partying with people with more lucrative and worldy lives, But I had to look at what an opportunity this is for us to be able to have a time like this at a place like that.

Saturday morning we got up early and I remembered to watch religious programming for the kids.

Saturday morning we went and took our family portrait. I was afraid because we didn't ahve any money and I was afraid of unexpected expenses. The studio was running 30 minutes behind and my wife complained to the staff. It was difficult for me to endure but I had to let it go. Or portrait turned out really beautiful. Everything worked out monetarily.

In the evening my wife had to work. I was resentful that she was away another evening.

I didn't get to write inventory 2 nights in a row and I almost didn't get to do so again tonight.

This morning we woke up early and I remembered not to make a sugary breakfast and I had time to get teh kids well fed and wide awake for teh early mass. However, we still very had a difficult time in mass with the 2 middle kids. I did well not to get angry and not let it get me down. It simply strengthened my resolve to teach train them daily to sit in church.

This afternoon we had a birthday party for my son's friend. I was afraid because we didn't have much money. I did have a few dollars thanks to my wife working last night and I only had to spen a dollar or two.

We had a good day the rest of the afternoon.

Today a guy at work had enough courage to present the other side of the story for the guy who was fired at work. I felt bad for having empathised with the seeming ill will that was expressed about him. I then thought about how I was careful in my choice of words and didn't express ill will, just disappointment.

Today I ran into a guy from my Church outside of my building. He asked me about my job. He said that it is fortunate for me that I have the skills to do this kind of work. I told him that it is by the grace of God that I have received the opportunities in life that I have. I told him that I am very blessed to have the job that I have. Later in the day we were told that we are not getting bonuses that we thought we were getting. It was as if God presented the opportunity for me to realize how lucky I am to have what I have before I might become ungrateful.

In the afternoon I was barraged with requests while I was trying to meet a deadline. I managed to make the deadline but I still felt afraid that I didn't do it right.

Tonight I remembered to get the kids to practice behaving in Church. It went well, they sat almost the entire hour. I had to give directions to sit still alot but there were no meltdowns or fits. I was very grateful that we got off to a good start and I am optimistic that this will work.

Thanks be to God.

Kast night I was alone with the kids and I didn't get to do a review. We did pray together before going to sleep.

My wife came home and woke me up and it was snowing. We had a great time alone together taking pictures and looking in amazement as it all came down.

Today I got to go to the noon meeting. We read from Bill's story. The meeting was well attended again.

A guy got fired today and I felt worried about the way this can happen so swiftly. Fortunately I receieved words of encouragement from my boss.

I was also worried about a task that was due that I could not complete. I was there after my quitting time and I got a notice that the deadline had been extended. Thanks be to God.

This afternoon I was walkling through the house on a phone call leaving a voicemail when my wife yealled at my son just as I was walking by her. I froze in my message and got very embarrased and angry. I told her what I needed to say and then I had to ket go of the resentment.

God helped me be free and I got to go pick up a free bucket of baseballs from a friend.

Thanks be to God for all His blessings.

Today I had some thoughts again that I may make too big of an issue of sobriety in my life. Then I remembered about the celebrity rehab that I saw this weekend and how little effect that the professional service seemed to have.

I went to the noon meeting newly motivated to be on Team Sobriety.

We had a decent evening until it was threatened by an episode of disobedience from my oldest son. He had a fit when my wife told him he couldn't go outside after dinner. I asked him to stop and then had to give him punishment which he refused. I had to systematically raise the punishment and eventually send him to bed. I was able to do this without yelling an losing emotional control. He cried for a whil but eventually surrendered and became willing to do his punishment and we had a happy evening from then on.

Other than that it was pretty routine.

Thanks be to God.

This morning at the first sign of irritability with the kids I resolved to surrender and be motivated to the tasks of the day and engaging my family rather than my thoughts and entertainment.

We got up early and made it to mass in good spirits and on time. About halfway through mass the kids became unruly and we were forced to leave.

I had to remember that this is just how it is for us and this is who we are. We are doing better with the kids but their behavior and discipline is not as well formed as others. I must not worry about the opinion of others and I shouldn't compare our kids to others.

We had a great afternoon. I hung the Christmas lights and we watched a football game, the Cowboys and the Steelers. I got too emotionally invested in the game and I am still depressed about the loss.

I made the star for our roof.

Thanks be to God.

This morning I woke up fairly early and got a good breakfast going for the kids.

I remembered to run religious programming again this morning for the kids and they were very entertained and we got to watch a good animated version of the prodigal son.

I got resentful at my wife when I griped at her about the dirty doornobs in our house.

had the privelege of taking my son to his first confession. I thought about how important this is but how little that I remember it from my childhood. The church brought in many priests and the confessions were held in side rooms rather than confessionals. They didn't close the door when my son went in and I could see the priest talking to him. It is a memory that I wish to etch in my mind forever.

At mid-afternoon my wife came home and went to sleep. I got resentful that I couldn't do anything except watch the kids. When she woke up I tried to put out Christmas lights but after a long time I found that all of our lights are broken. I got frustrated and felt like I hadn't done anything with the day and couldn't get focused on anything productive because the kids were constantly clamoring for something.

My wife made amends with me this afternoon, I should have been more enthusiastic. She bought Christmas lights at the store unexpectedly so I feel like my efforts sorting the old ones were not wasted.

This evening I caught myself getting angry and resentful several times and I had to pray. Then at a certain point I realized that I was fighting God's will. I realized that I needed to surrender and be motivated to focus entirely on the kid's maintenance.

The rest of the evening went better.

Thanks be to GOD.

Last night my wife was angry with me about the way we were doing my son's science project and there was a point where I just had to pull out of the argument and let her stay mad. Today she understood and it all went well, thanks be to God.

Today I had a good day at work and was very productive.

I went to the noon meeting even though I didn't want to. I was glad to go and read from the doctor's opinion. A friend was there who I had seen in a while.

Tonight my wife had to leave soon after I got home to go to a job. Later I remembered about my friday night meeting. I called around late but never did find anyone that was going. I was afraid that no one was there to unlock and that I failed to live up to my responsibility. I was thankful that I got to go to the noon meeting.

Tonight a woman from the neighborhood made an inappropriate visit and invitation. She had been drinking and was a little too friendly. I had to take imediate action and cut the conversation short at the risk of our kid's friendship. I suspect now that the temptations in my thought life this week have been leading up to this.

I am grateful for spiritual conditioning.

Thanks be to God.

Last night I had vivid dreams of encounters wih women. I find it disconcerting that the dreams are so detailed and the women that my mind makes up are so realistic. In one case I got play from a mother, daughter, and sister. I woke up and felt like a cheesy manther.

I had a lot of epiphanies and inspired thoughts after prayer this morning but I can't remember what the are now. But by mid-morning I realized that my vivacity of thought had returned and I was grateful.

Today at the noon meeting we read the appendix about the spiritual experience. I was disappointed that I left out an important concept in the end of my share. That being that I found the meaning of "vital" to be "living" not just "critical" or necessary. This was what enabled me to stay sober.

I had a great day in which I felt back to normal.

Thanks be to God.

Monday night I woke up at 11:40 and couldn't go back to sleep all night. This was probably due to sleeping so much when I was sick. It made for a long day but I was glad to be better.

When I dozed off just before it was time to wake up I had a dream of a physical encounter with another woman. I woke and had to resist holding on to the thoughts and I prayed for correction and replacement with my wife and it worked. As I went about my morning routine my thoughts drifted into a lost memory of a night in a hotel room with drugs and sexual activity. I had a thought about how difficult or impossible it is to not want that experience again in my life. After praying I had the thought that whatever experiences I have here on earth, even the lurid ones, the after life will be greater experiences. Except that they will be for the good and not harmful.

Today I wished I had more money for better food.

I had a good productive day despite low energy from not sleeping but I lost at ping pong.

I didn't get to go to the noon meeting.

This evening I had to pick up Bobby from his religious Ed and I was very tired so I wasn't able to get the Christmas lights started. I did get to watch my toddler daughter learn to climb her slide and slide down by herself.

I passed out at the end of a good day, thanks be to God.

This morning I woke up still feeling sick but I got to work on the premise that I would come home if needed. By the time I got there I felt resilient enough to stay and I ended up having a good productive day. I even won at ping pong twice.

Today at the noon meeting we read the 12 traditions short and long versions. I saw a common theme, that problems of money, property, and prestige are mind altering and can be diversions from a spiritual purpose.

Before the meeting I read an article about a celebrity struggling with addiction. In reading about his spiral of self destruction and the lies and denial and pain that go with that, I found gratitude for my sobriety. I had already experienced finding gratitude for my health, spirit, and life but this made me especially grateful to be sober.

Thanks be to God for another sober holiday.