This morning I had a hard time waking up. So much so that I thought I might be sick or that I went to bed too late. I believe that it was just an adjustment from being off to going back to work.

I got to go to the noon meeting today. We finished More About Alcoholism and started We Agnostics. I thought about apatheticism and secularism today and how this is a more insidious evil that can lead a person away from God and into disorder and dysfunction just as effectively as overt evil.

Walking down the street I had a moment when a desire sprung up. I took a spot check of my feeling and realized that there was a complex rationalization in a seemingly minor sin. Inside I was telling myself that the it wasn't important, or it wasn't harmful, or I really wasn't doing it, or just ignoring it would be enough. When I admitted it was happening, I didn't want to turn away. At that moment I remembered that during a recent "think through" I made a commitment to make Jesus and his Truth bigger and more important than this (or any) desire. So I did that (even though I couldn't remember all the reasons why)and was immediately free from the vice of the thought.

Tonight I was a little gripy to my wife at times.

As I was thinking about some of what was read at the meeting today. I remembered what I thought about it. This was about how I will slip into the obsession without warning apart from a spiritual power. I had spoken about my last relapse and I began to remember it. Suddenly I was drawn intensely into the chemo-erotic activities, feelings, and experience of the episode.

I must pray for God to remove them and to be the biggest and most important thing in my life as I did today.

Thanks be to God for a Power that will restore me to sanity.