Today two of my co-workers were out so I had to pick up the spill over. I was able to keep up and get out on time though it didn't seem possible at times.

I got to go to the noon meeting; we read about step 8. I thought of how I used to think that the disease concept (and therefore the steps) was a cop out that people used to avoid responsibility for their conduct in their drinking and using. But I saw how the step of making amends was the step of taking responsibility for the harms I've caused.

Tonight I went to my friend's memorial service; It was a rosary. I thought of how in the midst of this tragedy what an awesome opportunity it was to get closer to God.

I got to connect with his brother and family and friends and I got to connect with my brother and parents.

Thanks be to God for this life.

I got to go to the meeting today at noon.

Today was a good productive day at work. I actually got some recognition for a work task. But some test results were posted in which I (and others) did poorly. I was grateful that my emotions did not fluctuate too much in either case and I was able to find words to speak up against memorization based testing. It was risky but I do not want to live in fear and not express my conscience.

This evening I got to ride bikes with my middle son.

Then I got to babysit the kids while my wife went to a parish council meeting.

It was another sane and happy day - thanks be to God.

This tuesday I was afraid at work.

I got to go to the noon meeting, we read about tradition 7. I got to read the part about the need for donations to keep the meetings going.

On the way home I got to speak to a sponsee who help me see how setting aside my desires and following God's will helps me find peace of mind and sanity.

Also on the way home from work I got to visit with the brother of my friend who passed away. He spoke to me of all the great things that God has done in his life including helping him have a relationship with his brother.

In the evening I got to care for my kids while my wife went to work.

Thanks be to God.

This morning I regretted staying up late last night and I had to ask God for help to get going.

It was a beautiful stormy, rainy, windy day.

I got to go to the noon meeting. I thought about my friend who died and I thought about the real reason that people suffer from the disorder of alcoholism and addiction. I thought about the absence of faith and the spiritual malady.

I made some good progress on some lengthy tasks at work.

I got to discuss faith and reason with my boss.

I should have called some friends in recovery today.
I should have called my friend whose brother died.

I got to the flooded stream in the park with my family this evening.

Thanks be to God.

Last night I had dreams that I had relapsed into heavy drinking.

This morning I had a hard time waking up and I felt tired and groggy. I had a really hard time focusing enough to pray. I had to start over many times and I got through them in a disordered manner, but I got through them.

I needed to get up early because today was my son's first communion mass. I got out of bed late and I felt almost hung over. I felt depressed. I turned my feelings over to God for help. I immediately remembered that I spent much of the day yesterday doing yardwork, then I had to take m kids to two birthday parties, then I had to care for the kids by myself in the evening. This recollection helped me realize that I felt tired for a good reason.

The communion mass was very moving. On the drive their I got to hear him share his fears with me. I got to give him words of encouragement. I got to sit in the second row behind my son and watch him take his first communion. The liturgy felt especially powerful today. I really felt God's presence on the altar. I felt that I am ready to make that next stride forward in my faith. I felt that it was the christening of a very powerful spiritual being in my son.

I regretted a few things that went wrong, like I didn't have my camera, my wife had to sit in the balcony, I didn't know his godmother was supposed to walk him in. But these things were not what was truly important. And I was joyful for the things that went right. My ears are ringing for them now.

I was very proud at the understanding that my son has of the significance of the sacrament. I watched his expressions as he responded to the homily that the priest gave and I knew he was listening. I felt as if our parish really put it's best face forward and is truly becoming a faith filled fellowship. I was proud that our family is truly faith filled.

After mass we had to go to another birthday party for one of my autistic son's playmates. I left from the party because my wife suggested that I might be having an allergic reaction to their cat. But I should have stayed their longer to be certain of this. I felt dishonest at capitalizing on her suggestion so that I could go home and finish my landscaping tasks.

I learned to sharpen my chainsaw today.
I tried to call my friend who's brother died.
I got busy with the kids and never got to call back my sponsees.
I regretted not being able to go to the treatment center.

I finished the day doing a lot of home maintenance, grilling dinner, visiting with my parents, and practicing with my son.

Thanks be to God.

This morning my brother called me and told me that his best friend died of an overdose. It made me grateful for my recovery. I thought about my feelings last night that I should eliminate weekend night meetings and the treatment center meeting due to the rigors of family life. I had a change of heart.

I thought about our friend who died. I remembered a time long ago when I was a hard drinker and partier my life was unmanageable. I remember that he was good at moderating and he would sometimes tell me I should ease up on the excesses. I remember that he had a great quality of life, a good job, a house, good character, and peace of mind. I wanted the quality of life that he had and he inspired me to change so that I might get it.

I got to do some good branch clearing and chop down a tree.

Today thanks be to God, I have what he had and more. Today he gave me another inspiration. I could lose my quality of life or, my life, if I don't keep close to God and perform his work well.

We went to my nephew's birthday party today. I got to have a good talk with my dad.

I went to my son's teammate's birthday party after that. We had a great time and I was glad to get to know them.

When we got home, the neighborhood kid that is questionable was in our side and possibly back yard. I had to scold him and I was very suspicious as to what he was doing given that our house and others have been entered. I felt bad for him because of the possibility for the low quality of life in his home.

My son and I closed out the night with a ball game.

Thanks be to God for this life.

Examination of conscience.

I have not been to confession in over a year.
My daughter is over a year old and I still have not gotten her baptized.
There have been times when I have not defended the faith when I should have.
Sometimes I yell at my kids in a way that is disrespectful to God's children.
Sometimes I speak disrespectfully to my wife.
Sometimes I get resentful at my employer.
Sometimes I get very afraid of my financial situation and losing my job.

It paid off for me to get to bed on time last night as i was able to get up in time to make breakfast this morning and make it to work on time.

This morning was tough at work. My teammates and I are being tested and placed under a lot of scrutiny right now. Some of us, myself included do not appear to be meeting the expectations. I was in a lot of fear and resentment. I had to turn to God to get me through it.

I got to go to the noon meeting, we read from "Physician Heal Thyself". I felt a good perspective re-adjustment from going to the meeting.

Back at work the turmoil continued.

At some times today I thought about how most people can't become willing to consider the need for a higher power until they have a life crisis. I thought about how the rich man has the hardest time turning his will over to God. I thought about how this may be due to the attachment I have to my judgements.

Tonight my wife was upset with me because I wasn't supportive of her going to her meeting during my son's baseball game.

At my son's game I found myself discontent over expectations that I have placed on others. My son played well but I feel disappointed in the things that went wrong.

I also feel that I am carrying the baggage of my problems today. I need to pray for God to remove them.

I took an examination of conscience and my perspective was radically re-adjusted again.

Thanks be to God.

This morning I had a difficult time waking up and I resolved to get back on a bedtime schedule to get enough sleep.

I felt insecure about our money situation today.

We read about step 7 in the noon meeting today. I thought about the self examination process as the control method that keeps my consciousness healthy, enabling me to have a high quality and optimal life.

A friend called me with an idea that came from a disordered set of motives today. We had a great discussion that resulted in some good learning for both of us.

I got to help another friend trying to get on his spiritual feet.

I got to spend time with my kids in the evening doing batting practice and playing in the yard.

I was resentful at the older neighborhood kid who pried up my stepping stones. I caught my self and tried to set aside my anger and remember that he doesn't have good guidance and I should do what I can to help and be an example of Christian virtue rather than condemning him. After all Christ forgives me for my sins.

My son was afraid to sleep again tonight so I got to say many prayers with him.

Thanks be to God for this day.

T oday things seemed to go well at work and I was able to get caught up.

I got to go to the noon meeting, we read the End of "The Housewife..." and started "Physician Heal Thy Self". Interesting how the end of "The Housewife..." tells of the years of functional alcoholism and "Physician..." tells begins by referring to the "skid row of success".

I thought of the years of my functional alcoholism and my bottom on the skid row of success.

In the afternoon a guy called me and I had the opportunity to serve God.

In the evening I got to go get a haircut with my son and then we watched a ballgame.

Thanks be to God.

Today I stepped on a land mine at work. I immediately took the actions that i needed to take and was careful to discern where I needed to be conciliatory and where I needed to be assertive.

I was resentful that I was reprimanded for something that I feel is not my fault.
I was afraid that I will lose my job no matter how hard I try.

I think that the thing I am most resentful about is that people don't behave the way that I demand. I if I place too much value on my expectations then they become demands. I must trust God to to be the source of my peace and let him worry about working on people in his time.

I also need to remember to trust in him to take care of my security no matter what happens.

I got to go to the noon meeting, we talked about step seven.

Today I thought some more about a person who is humbled by defeat is more receptive to the concept of faith. Mainly I thought of it from the angle that it is harder fot a man who has everything to find reasons for faith so long as all his desires are met through this world.

I got to talk to a sponsee tonight; I told him to remember that when it comes to troubles at work that God has control over infinitely more outcomes than we can see or concieve. This is exactly what I needed to hear.

My son's team won their baseball game this evening.

Thanks be to God.

This morning I woke up late and had to make a choice between praying or eating. I chose to pray.

On my way to work I saw a shooting star that was brighter that the headlights of cars. It broke up into fireballs and fell below the treeline.

At noon we read from The Housewife Who Drank At Home. The following line was the focus of my attention, "...it was only through feeling defeat and feeling failure, the inability to cope with my life and with alcohol, that I was able to surrender and accept the fact that I had this disease and that I had to learn to live again..."

The author talked about being secretive and hiding things. I thought that this is how it started for me. That I started by hiding things from other people. I started by hiding my feelings from my parents. Then I started hiding my conduct. Then I started hiding my drinking and using. Then I started hiding things from myself. Then I started hiding the truth. This hiding of the truth started as justification., "It's ok to do a little line, that way I can stay in control and keep drinking". Then it became rationalization, "If you had the life I did, you would need to shoot dope too". Then it became denial, "I don't really have a problem, I just like to party".

As long as my life was working I couldn't see the truth through the structure of denial. But when my life fell apart, that structure developed cracks that I could see through.

The moral inventory helped me to demolish the structure of that denial. The principles of God-centerdness, God-reliance, character growth, complete honesty, and amends with others, served to rebuild a new structure of truth.

At work to day I was afraid of the volume of tasks that I have.
At one point today I was offended by a derogatory statement about someone else's faith.

This afternoon I got to play with the little ones in the cool afternoon in the back yard.

Thanks be to God for this day.

This morning I thought again about how I haven't been to confession in a year. I never made it yesterday after resolving to go. I read about taking the sacrament of the Eucharist in relation to reconciliation. I resolved not to take it until I have been to confession. I remembered how I went over a year without it until I corrected m marriage. I remembered how the spiritual communion got me through all that time and how good my conscience felt for having persevered.

At mass our readings were about the Apostles giving up all their possessions and the appearing of Christ to doubting Thomas. It was also the Feast of the Divine Mercy. The priest could have gone in a lot of directions with this but he spoke emphatically about how all the parishioners want all the easy pastoral services but no one wants to go to confession.

I felt like he was speaking to me.

I got to go to the treatment center today. It was a dramatic meeting as a relative of mine was there. My sponsor was also there and so was an ex sponsee who is a good brother in recovery. There were also two fairly new guys who did a great job carrying the message. We made a circle today and talked about the disease concept.

In the afternoon I got spend time with my daughters as my wife took my sons to shop for clothes. I did yardwork and barbecued and pushed them around on their cars. I was grateful that I get to be a father to them. My 3 year old daughter asked me why their is a rainbow. I explained to her that God made the rainbow for us so that after a bad storm we could know he loves us. I thought about how there is often a rainbow in the wake of a tornado. I told her that she should think that when trouble comes her way to remember that there will always be a rainbow afterward.

During dinner I watched the "Crossing the Goal" program. The subject was being a father. They touched subjects like being the spiritual leader of the home, how guys don't want or know how to be spiritual (but we must), how we must be present with our children, how we must love them, and how we have to be a parent not just a pal.

Later in the evening someone unexpected confided in me about their family problems and we talked about how my family overcame them.

I was an awesome day full of inspiration, love, and opportunities to serve God.

I got off to an early start today. During my morning prayers i realized that it has been over a year now since my last confession. I've got to get there. I resolved to go today.

The daily scripture reading today was from Acts Chapter 4 about the events following the resurrection of the LORD and mass conversions after the miracle of Pentecost. It is fascinating to see how the Spirit was at work and gaining momentum such that the Jewish elders could not move against the apostles out of fear that they themselves would be ousted.

I was impressed with how the apostles gained courage and faith to an extent that they did not have before. Such that they spoke out boldly in a manner that was very risky and beyond their means. The priest who gave the homily on the morning mass called this a "holy boldness".

I felt remorseful that I have not lived up to this standard. It was very synchronous how the programs I watched with the kids this morning touched on this subject. The Friar gave the parable of The Talons, My Catholic Family taught about Saint Maximillian and his martyrdon at Auschwitz, the Nest Family New Testament animation was also about the Acts of the Apostles.

My wife took the girls to her class at the church. This gave me the opportunity to take the boys to the school carnival in our neighborhood. It was nice to take a walk in the warm spring morning. I was grateful to live in this nice little community.

We had a great time at the carnival but I let my oldest son go off with his friend to another area. After a while I realized that I hadn't told him where to meet me. He finally found me and he had gotten separated from his friend and was looking for me. He said that he was a little scared. Sometimes I forget that he is eight.

In the evening my wife went to work. I did some catch and throw practice with my son and his friend and the little ones got to play outside. I got to wash my truck.

I caught myself being too gripey with God's kids tonight.

Thanks be to God for a good day.

Today was a long day at work with multiple meetings and lots of expectations and pitfalls. I felt resentful that so much is expected of me.

I did think today about how fortunate that I am to work in the type of job I have. I also thought about how refreshing it is when I get to be around spiritually minded people. After spending so much time with mainstream types. I didn't get to go to the noon meeting. I look forward to my H&I meeting.

Today was a beautiful rainy day.

I am grateful the baseball game is postponed tomorrow.

This afternoon I got to speak to a sponsee for a good while.

My wife went to an autism society event. Before I was irritable that she was leaving me alone with my kids. Afterward I was grateful that she does this networking that helps my son.

I got to play a hacky toss game with my kids. For the first time all 3 of the older kids were able to maintain a game with me. we kept score and had fun. The littlest stood in the middle and cheered and laughed.

Thanks be to God.

I am grateful that I made it to work on time today.
I am grateful for resourcefulness and initiative today.
I am grateful for finally being able to type properly and at a reasonable speed.

In the morning I took a walk to the downtown. It occurred to me that I don't pay enough attention to the climate spectrum. It was cool but not cold and I had short sleeves and no undershirt. I was slightly uncomfortable but in a way that was just a discomfort not threatening. I enjoyed the brisk air and thought of it as a gift from God.

At noon I went to the meeting. On the way I thought about how I see meetings as my job in service to God. We read about step 6 and tradition 6 from the twelve and twelve.

I thought about how in the past I had been a bankrupt idealist. Today I get to live up to worthwhile ideals.

I took a personality type survey this morning that explained a lot of things and gave me some great ideas about living with people who are different than me.

Tonight I got to go to my son's school presentation and watch him dance. It was glorious. I was grateful to connect to some parents that I know and to feel like part of the community.

There was a moment today when I spoke to a friend and in my enthusiasm I went on a rant about some people who have not lived up to my expectations. I engaged in polite character assassination. I stole some of their reputation while they were not present. For this I am very sorry. I wish that I could take it back.

This morning I got off to work on time and had a nice walk in through downtown. I got to take in the coolness and the sites and sounds of the morning and feel grateful to be able to work in such beautiful place. I looked up at the 22nd floor of my building where my office is and I admire the architecture of the other buildings against the dawn sky and the moon.

At our noon meeting we read from step 6 in the 12x12. We read about how we are ok giving up our most glaring and clearly destructive handicaps. But most of us rationalize and hang on to our less extreme or milder defects.

Looking back I can see that this was the root of my struggle to get sober and to stay sober. As a young man I had extreme and glaring defects of character. I was prideful, self-righteous, bigoted, slothful, selfish, and prone to homicidal rage. Not to mention my overt and severe addictions. But in my mid twenties I improved due to the motivation of bitter experience. However my depravity was never really solved, it just took on a more cunning nature. I just had less extreme versions of them in most cases and I stuffed and rationalized in other cases.

I became a functional addict and drank and used in binges instead of all the time. I was still prideful and self righteous but I became passive aggressive and I only hid or suppressed my feelings. I became industrious but only to the extent that would allow me to go on benders of neglect. I pretended to care about people but only so they would like me or give me what I wanted. I also developed a vicious sexual addiction that I rationalized as necessary to keep a long term relationship.

My drinking and using obsession came wrapped up in a fantasy that I would go to happy hour drink with my network of drug dealer buddies, get loose and gregarious, shoot great pool and hook up with the ladies. After 3-4 pitchers I would take two stripper types to a hotel room with a pile of blow and have an orgy. Then at midnight I would go home to my wife and she would welcome me home and tell me all about the great things my son did.

The truth was that I would go to a bar, get drunk too fast, get the craving for drugs, go find a hotel room alone, shoot speedballs, and watch some other guy have an orgy with two strippers in a porn... for 3 days, until my money ran out. Then I would go home to my terrified and angry wife.

When I got desperate enough to get sober i was willing to let God have my addiction but I was not so willing to have some of my other character defects. In fact I only reluctantly admitted they would be considered character defects by the measure laid down by God's moral code. My sponsor and others helped me see that these seemingly justified eccentricities were actually destructive. But I didn't ever completely let them go.

I thought about lust all the time, I lusted after the girls in meetings, I continued to watch porn, and I went to strip clubs in sobriety. Then I would be resentful at my wife because she wasn't two strippers.

Consequently I couldn't stay sober. When I finally practiced the steps 24 hours at a time uninterrupted for 9 months I finally began to change. I incrementally needed these these old desires less and less. I incrementally gained new values more and more. The process helped me stay connected to a power greater than myself that restored me to sanity. I stayed sober and found peace of mind and happiness.

I now love my wife for her qualities and not for how she looks or doesn't look. I now don't need to rationalize infidelity. I don't need viagra and I don't need lustful fantasies to maintain our love life.

I had a productive day at work.
I had an awesome ping pong match.
It was an ordinary evening, my wife and I spent time in the back yard with the kids.

Thanks be to God!

Today I had a good day at work. I was not overwhelmed with volume and I didn't step in any mines. I got to work on something creative for a good part of the day and I got to draft a good review of a coworker.

I was able to go to the noon meeting. We read the end of the Keys to The Kingdom and the beginning of the next story. I was disappointed that we didn't read the preface to the section that we began but I got to refer to it when it was my turn to share. I noticed that in the story that we began that the story teller referred to being depressed as a child, getting psychiatric help, and running away a lot. Otherwise he had a fairly normal childhood. He had two parents, he had a religious upbringing, his family was not impoverished, etc. There was no serious trauma, deprivation, disorder, abuse, alcoholic exposure, etc. as a child.

The guy didn't seem to hit a super low bottom either. This told me that the only thing that matters was that he could not control his drinking whatever the cause.

This evening I got to help out a lot at my son's baseball practice as several coaches were not present.

Thanks be to God for a great day.

Today was a very happy Easter!

In the morning the kids awoke to eggs and small presents hidden all over the living room. They were very cute and made squeals of delight as they found them. My oldest woke up first and begged my wife for an hour to get up (she was required or else I would have handled it). I was resentful that she wouldn't get up. Nevertheless, she did eventually and with God's help I got over it and we had a great time.

We all got dressed in our Easter clothes and went to mass as a family. The lilies covering the altar were beautiful and the two toddlers behaved pretty well. The baby however was a different story, she cried loudly toward the end. The priest gave a very good homily in which he spoke about we today have a high faith in objective reasoning, the scientific method, and empirical testing. i can't for the life of me remember the rest but it was an superb concept that I wished to remember. I prayed to try and remember and I hope that it comes to me later.

After mass we got very busy at home. I cooked all afternoon and my mom and brother-in-law joined us. I was disappointed that my dad didn't (he was sick, I should have called him). And I was disappointed that my brother is estranged from us right now.
I should have called my sister. I was also disappointed that my other brother-in-law and niece didn't come. I should have reached out to them more.

I spoke to my sponsor last night about the meeting at the treatment center and he was going to go and take someone with him.

In the afternoon the kids had and Easter egg hunt, ate brisket and ribs, I played washers with my wife, we broke confetti eggs, and we watched a great Masters tournament finish.

We had to get the house cleaned up, prep for tomorrow and get the kids bathed. In the midst of all of this I forgot to go to my 12 step meeting. I regretted this and I called my sponsor and let him know.

I thought today about what a miracle it is that I get to have a resurrected life. I believe in the resurrection of the LORD and took inspiration from this for a great sense of gratitude and renewal today.

Thanks be to God for a happy Easter and a happy life.

This morning we got off to a decent start and my wife helped me cook breakfast for the kids. We did our usual routine of religious programming and yardwork. I was able to enact discipline early in the day to avoid a decent into griping and pleading all day.

I thought of many things this morning to write about but I was not able to sit and do that.

I griped at my wife about being on the computer and then afterward realized that she was only on there while she was eating breakfast. I had to make amends quickly.

I got to talk to my sponsor today about my meeting attendance.

I got to practice baseball with my son. I was eager to work on some areas that he needs to improve on. We didn't have a very good practice. He was lethargic from staying up too late and he was obstinate. After a lot of attempts at motivating him I had to practice some acceptance. I received gratitude that he did practice.

Tonight he and I watched The Ten Commandments.

Thanks be to God.

I thought some more about the situation at our baseball games.
I am too worried about what the people MIGHT think about us.
I am too worried about what the people MIGHT do to my son.
I am too worried about what how my dad MIGHT react if tell him something.

My worry is a form of fear.
My fear decreases my effectiveness.
If I trust God I can be effective.

I got to go to the noon meeting today. I was moved to reach out to someone who might need guidance but I didn't act on the intuition out of uncertainty. I thought about it afterward and I asked God for guidance in a deliberate manner. I realized that there will still be an opportunity to reach out.

A friend posted a couple of crass atheist posters on a public forum. I decided that I needed to say something but I had to resist a reactionary sort of statement. I was moved to search for and find some clever and friendly one-liners to post an opposing perspective without a condemning spirit.

In the evening I got to go to the Good Friday Mass. I was very moved by the reenactment of the Passion of our LORD. I was grateful that my wife made arrangements for us to go and that she was the catalyst for me to attend. I realized that this sort of initiative in her is an answer to a prayer.

I got to attend the noon meeting today we read about tradition 5. There were several new people there again today. I thought about carrying the message rather than voicing my opinion.

Today at work I didn't quite feel right about something. Somehow I feel as though I am acting in complete integrity in my faith.

A couple of guys had a discussion with me about some people that aren't living up to their obligations. I said something about how no one ever does or ever will completely because it is human nature. I thought perhaps I was too opinionated and that they were engaging in appropriate fraternal correction. But I see now that it is a matter of attitude.

This evening we had a baseball game. I had a great time until my dad started making critical comments. On top of that the boys made some key mistakes. I have to focus on the positives and just be as helpful as I can. But, I have to determine a way to speak to my dad about this.

God help me to be free from disturbance (fear) and to keep things in perspective.
God help me to find the right approach and the right words with my dad.

I was grateful today for all that God has done for me.

At noon I got to go to our meeting. There are several new people there which makes me especially conscious of what I am saying. I guess that is ok except that I must watch that I don't overdo it and water down the message.

At work I find myself resentful that my burdens are misunderstood. I must release this and ask God to keep it. I must trust that God will take care of that problem.

This evening I got to take care of some much needed vehicle maintenance.

Thanks be to God.

This morning was very cool in the 30's which is just awesome for early April. It gives me hope that the heat will not arrive too soon.

I got to go to the noon meeting today our reading was on step 5. I thought about how step 5 is a lot like step 1 in that it addresses my denial except it addresses my moral denial rather than my addiction denial.

In the afternoon I received a reprimand at work. Afterward I was resentful at the demands and expectations of people. I thought about how this stems from my fear of losing credibility. I am too dependent on what people think of me. I was afraid of losing my job. I am not trusting enough in God in the event the worst would happen. Neither of these consequences is probably imminent but I fear them irrationally.

I got to go to my son's practice. I found that our coach complained to the commissioner about the games on Good Friday. I felt like a heel for griping at my wife for writing a letter. I feel remorseful that I didn't stand up for my faith more. I made amends with my wife about it. Later I found that the games have been postponed. I am going to mass.

I looked at some pics of my son playing t-ball and reminisced.

Thanks be to God.

Today I started tbe day feeling very inspireed and grateful.

It was a very busy workday and I struggled to keep up.

I got to go to a meeting at noon.

When I got back I found that I had missed an important task. In the afternoon I had to write a "why did you mess up" message.

I ended the workday afraid and resentful. I the way home I prayed with a lot of resolve and everything shifted into perspective. Tonight I find myself needing to do it again.

In the evening I got to do some light practice with son #1 and throw some balls with son #2.

My wife was irritable wit me tonight. She was also mad about our baseball schedule and emailed the commissioner. I griped at her about this for reacting too quickly. Then I realized that I did the same.

I had to just stop.

I was grateful today for the good time I had with my sons and Dad yesterday.
I was grateful that I wasn't sleeping out in the cold like a guy that I saw in the morning.
I was grateful that my son takes car of our kids.

Thanks be to God.

This morning I made it to the early mass with the boys. Today was Palm Sunday. I got very moved during the re-enactment of the passion. Something was read that struck me as a different understanding but I can't recall it now. I had my collar flipped up on one side and my fly open, I was embarrassed. It was a great mass and the boys and I got to make crosses out of the palm fronds.

I got to spend some time with my parents at noon today. I finally found some words to concisely express how I think that the reason why I and my nieces and other family members have had life crises when we were separated from God and how this started because it is so difficult to reconcile science, materialism, and faith. And I explained that I have hope because I have found my own reconciliation of these perspectives that I can pass on to my children.

In the afternoon my sons and my dad and I went to a minor league baseball game. It was beautiful, breezy, crisp, and bright. It was perfect weather. My dad got a little grouchy when we got a bit of a late start especially after sitting around for an hour. I realized that I still react a little strongly to his moods. I sought God's help to get out of it. We had a great time and my father wants to go again.

Thanks be to God for a great day.

I love this season, this is what I dream of all year. The mornings are cool and the days are not too hot.

This morning I got up on time prayed and made pancakes for the kids and me. I thank God for the resourcefulness to get a system down.

I got to watch the parable of the pharisee and the tax collector. The I got to watch Jesus give the sermon on the mount and tell the parable of the two brothers.

My son had a baseball game at 11:0O AM. Two of the coaches were there but they were busy getting the field ready. I had to get the boys going on throwing warmup until the other coaches arrived. The other coaches did not support doing any batting warmup like I wanted to. I exited the field and went to the bleachers as they took over. They were not very organized and the other team's were. Our coaches didn't get our team on the field to do infield warmups and the other team's coaches seemed to look on critically as I was. I did my best to turn away from my resentment and fear that our boys would get creamed. I found some tactful words to suggest the infield warmups and it moved them into action.

The boys had a great game and won.

In the afternoon I got to do some stepwork over the phone with a sponsee. I am grateful for the intuition that God has blessed me with to get someone through this work. I have discerned out that I should guide the men to learn how to do the inventory more than analyze every item. I should focus them on drilling down to the basic instincts and the fear behind the malady. I should help them see how to extract there harms to others for amends and help them learn to forgive based on the concept of spiritual sickness.

I got to visit with my mom and dad and my wife had a good evening job.

Thanks be to God.

This morning I was driving to work through downtown when my thoughts turned to my experience yesterday when the jail shuttle bus was passing by. As I thought about this I realized that I was stopped (for a red light) at the very corner where this happened. I looked up and thought about what street corner this wa s and I looked at the street signs and it was 7th and Brazos. I immediately thought about the seven deadly sins and the outstretched arms (brazos) of Christ on the Cross.

I thought about a lot of spiritual ideals this morning that I wish I could recall now but I do recall a moment when I was taking a drink of water from a glass and I looked at the water. The water suddenly looked very striking and I felt a deeper, greater sense of quenching than usual. I just stopped there looking at the water as it shimmered and vibrated. I thought about how I take cool, clean water for granted. I thought about the spiritual water.

At noon I got to go to the meeting, we read about the man who mastered fear.

Thanks be to God.

This Thursday morning I woke up from a dream that I was having an affair. I don't like these dreams and this one was particuarly disturbing because it was long and detailed.

I wondered if I had missed a spiritual step that resulted in this disturbance and I immediately connected this to the missed inventory and prayer Thursday night.

I took inventory at mid morning. I realized that although I had a great day yesterday in which I had received blessings and graces from God I had moments when I had been afraid, resentful, and selfish where I could have done better.

I got to go to the noon meeting, we talked about tradition 4 and step 5. I made a connection between the two in the principle of humility in a pragmatic sense.

On the way back to work the shuttle bus to the county jail passed by and I had a moment of deep gratitude.

We had a huge problem at work today that set me way behind. At the end of the day I was furiously trying to get out of work to get my son to baseball practice early.

A customer called me and asked if I had time for several questions. I was immediately afraid and resentful that I wouldn't get out on time. The call went longer than I expected on top of that. I resolved to turn away from my resentment and be gracious. I turned to God afterward for acceptance. I made it out of work on time.

I made it to the ballfield early and it was a good thing because the fields were packed and another team tried to take our field.

Yesterday I started out the day with the scripture reading but I stumbled on to the wrong date, I read March 23rd for some reason. The theme seemed synchronous with the current reading and they seemed to be what I needed to read although I don't recall why that was now. It might have been about being saved and giving witness to that.

Yesterday was a busy day at work with the change of quarter. I am grateful that I didn't step on any mines.

I didn't get to go to the noon meeting but it was probably for the best as we were very busy.

In the afternoon i learned that my sister. neice, my brother in law, and my parents were visiting for dinner. I had to come home and do some furious cleaning. During this, I had to resist the impulse to get resentful at my wife and to generally feel sorry for my self. Some ideas to give her "feedback" came to mind but I was able to choose not to. Thanks be to God for the help.

Everything came together except that my wife had to make a difficult choice of whether or not to attend a Parish Ministries Council meeting. I advised her to attend because she is just getting established and we had no notice of the visit.

We had a good visit but we missed my wife.

At the end of the day I was too exhausted to journal my day, but I thank God now.