This morning I reflected on the reading from our meeting last night and I posted those thoughts on spirituscontraspiritum.org.

I woke up sick again but got myself up relatively early and tried to be productive. Thank God my wife was off today because I didn't feel well at all. By midday I felt better and it was nice to see our home staying orderly and not falling apart as I'm sure it would have felt if my wife was at work.

I took my autistic son to his therapy in the afternoon. I was grateful that they had a wireless connection and I was able to draft my thoughts while waiting. When the therapist came out and described what they did I was appreciative that she gave me a written description of what they did but I sensed that I was skeptical as to the need for it.

Then on the way home my son started saying out of the blue in his incongruous way that he did not like it when his brother made fun of him because he doesn't talk well. He said some other things also along these lines and I became re-aware of the severity of his condition. For some reason I thought of my brother who needed a diagnosis and treatment himself when he was a child but never received it. I thought about how this manifested itself later in life debilitating disorder. I was grateful for my son's treatment and I resolved to take a more active role.

I am grateful that he grabbed his bat and glove and wanted me to throw balls with him tonight.

I am grateful that I got to speak to a sponsee tonight and I remembered to encourage him to work the program.

Thanks be to God for this day.

This morning I was very sick feeling and was a little late waking up. Nevertheless, I was able to pray and meditate and get the kids up early enough to play outside in the morning.

It was a difficult day for me as the baby was also sick and I had to take my son to his therapy with all the kids. But, I still felt grateful and was glad that I was worse off.

It was the second day in a row that was cloudy and breezy and the kids got to play outside almost all day. The kids enjoyed their trip to the therapist.

I got to go to a meeting this evening and enjoy fellowship with my friends.

Thanks be to God.

Yesterday I woke up with a sore throat and body aches. I was functional though and I had a busy day. I remember having several things to write about but I felt physically worse at the end of the day and I never did review these. Now I don't remember what they were.

I remember thinking about the daily scriptures and the memorial of Saint Martha. But, I don't think this was what I was thinking about.

Now I remember that I had to run an errand in the evening and I was driving through a part of town that triggered memories of using. As I was thinking of these I realized that the inside of my arm felt hot, I had a reaction in my crotch, and my stomach felt tight. I also sensed that my mind felt troubled. I realized that in my sub conscious my mind was conflicted by the desire to use and the commitment to sanity. At that moment I realized that I needed to return a phone call and talk to that guy about these thoughts. He reminded me to ask God to remove them.

In the evening I had a slight resentment at my wife for giving candy to the kids as a reward and for giving it to them late at night. She went to the store to get it and I put the kids to bed which made her angry at me.

I am grateful to God for this day.

This morning I was very late waking up. My wife was still mad at me and did not take my truck to work.

I didn't get the kids of bed until 8:30 or 9:00 and I was sluggish all morning. I felt like I had a hangover.

I didn't do a good job of sticking to our schedule of outside time, media moderation, and naps. But I did manage to keep the meals on time and we didn't break from protocol altogether.

Nevertheless I felt aimless and stir crazy much of the day.

My wife had to go to the funeral of Fr. James Kenna, an Orthodox priest that was her mentor in the her oiginal conversion to Catholicism. In making arrangements she softened her resentment and started talking to me again. She became more cordial when she brought her friend in that faith home with her and she needed my truck to go to the funeral.

Today I remembered that I am tired of her apologies and just want her to get control of her temper and own her peace of mind and not rely on me for it.

I must pray to focus on my own mistakes in this, to own MY own peace of mind, and to truly forgive her.

Thanks be to God.

God,
Thank you for this day. Thank you for all the graces and blessings you have given me. As this day comes to a close I ask that you help me to see the good things that you have done for me so that I can grow in belief and faith. I also ask that you show me the mistakes I have made so that I may see the things that separate me from you and do better tomorrow.

Amen

Yeserday morning I was trying to pray in bed and my wife and daughter interrupted me. I gave a quick answer to a question in the spirit of tolerance but they stayed there and kept on talking and assumed that I was awake and didn't mind. They didn't know that I was struggling to wake up and pray. I had a appointment to make and I was facing jumping out of bed and feeding all the kids and then dressing appropraitely for my appointment. Then my wife asked if she could use my truck because her AC doesn't work. At this point my frustration was very apparent and she had an angry outburst and stormed off in her van.

I had to take ownership of my peace and just let her work it out herself. I had to just get moving and get the kids taken care of and make it to my appointment on time. I knew by her actions that she was very angry.

The appointment that I had was with the workforce commission. Being around a lot of other people goin through the same thing I am and hearing their presentation lifted my sense of value as an employable person. I realized just how much my spirits had dropped in this regard.

I was grateful to my mom that she was willing to watch the kids.

In the afternoon I resolved to make sure everything was in order to make it as easy on my wife as possible because I intended to go to my meeting. WHen she got home she was still angry and barely speaking to me. She was not happy when I told her that I was going to the meeting. I reacted to her action and then realized that I had done what she had done. Nevertheless I resolved to own it, to ask for God's help and to let it go.

I enjoyed the meeting and left thinking about surrender in regard to the last two pages of the twelve and twelve on step one.

I got to talk to a friend after the meeting.

When I got home I tried to be kind to my wife and let her know that she could use my truck but she didn't want to talk to me.

Thanks be to God.

This morning I got to the boys off to early mass, we sat in the third row. During the opening liturgy I became overcome with gratitude. At times I was afraid when my youngest son whimpered but it didn't get any worse than that and he responded to correction.

When I got home the chairperson for the treatment center meeting called me to inform me that he had been told that we need to talk less and let the patients talk more. After a talk he stepped up to take the meeting today and we agreed to alternate weeks chairing. I was grateful for this.

I was inexplicably tired in the afternoon and by evening I felt remorseful. But as I wrote about yesterday in my previous post I realized that I had a long day yesterday including some stormy emotions. I feel better knowing there is a reason for my fatigue.

I got to watch a ballgame in the afternoon.
I got to clean up after the kids went to bed.

Thanks be to God.

Yesterday was a very busy day for me. It started early because my wife slept in and I decided to make a hot breakfast for the kids instead of cereal. Then after breakfast I had to do a major cleaning and yard work because my wife had friends visiting from out of town. Then as soon as that was done I had to grill our dinner so that I wouldn't be doing it in the 100 degree heat in the afternoon. When I finished all this it was 12:30 and the kids were crying for lunch. I griped at my wife because she didn't have this going. She yelled at me about things that she felt I didn't do right. Later in the afternoon she made amends for yelling at me.

My wife's friends never made it to our house in the afternoon as planned.

I got to have a check in talk with a sponsee in the afternoon.

I got to go to the meeting in the evening. I got to hear a good friend tell his story. I was impressed that he didn't tell a chronological history but rather he spoke of his experience with the steps and he worked his history in that. I remembered telling my story that way at some point and I wondered why I still didn't.

When I got home my wife's friends were there and my wife decided she needed to run an errand to the store with her friend. I had a nice visit with the husband but then realized that none of the kids were bathed. I got very resentful and had to reluctantly ask for God's help while reasons to gripe at my wife swirled in my head. When the friends left I was able to let it go.

Thanks be to God.

This morning I was late waking up but I took it easy and we got there on time.

I was thinking about the concept of the psychic change and I remembered that that is what I was trying to convey last Sunday at the treatment center when I was disappointed that I told too much of a war story. In the end I did get this across but I resolved to be more deliberate and concise about it. I felt very inspired by this concept of telling an event with the idea of describing my disordered value system and the describing how I experience the psychic change and my values were re-ordered.

I am grateful that I got to attend my children's church camp presentation.
I heard that a close friend's children are having major life crisis' right now. I feel terrible for him. I am grateful that he has a deep Christian faith because he has a very heavy cross to carry right now.

I got to take a guy through his third step tonight.

The kids all came running out to greet me when I came home.

Thanks be to God.

This morning I was late getting started and felt like I was trying to catch up all day.

The kids kinda got to me to day. Not in an angry way but rather in a draining way. But I feel better now.

I was disappointed that I didn't make a better effort to get together with a sponsee who wants to do the work today.

I am grateful for a good day.

This morning I was running late getting the kids to church camp and I had to stop and think when anxiety started to crop up. I realized that I get too anxious over running late out of misguided fear. I realized that I then place unreasonable expectations on the kids to hurry more than they are capable of and then get angry when they don't meet them. We made it on time and in good spirits.

I got to visit with a cousin today and we had a great talk about our common experience of drinking and then getting sober.

This afternoon I got to take my autistic son to his therapy session. I was overcome with gratitude when I saw the attention he received and realized how much he needs it.

This evening we were blessed with some much needed rain. I deeply enjoyed watching my son and his friend play in the downpour. They were racing leaves in the curb streams which triggered a memory in me of doing the same when I was a kid.

Thanks be to God.

This morning we got off to another good start and had good morning.

This morning I found some new initiative to do first through third step work with sponsees.

I got to talk to 2 sponsees, do check-ins and plan appointments.

I got to visit with my relatives in the evening.

All was peaceful and content today.

Watching the video of the soldier captured in Afghanistan tonight made me really appreciate all the good things that God has done for me today.

Earlier today I believe my faith had degraded. I believe this because when this appreciation came tonight I felt it fill the vacancy.

I am grateful that I get to live in a nice, comfortable home.
I am truly grateful that I get to hear the laughing of my children and feel the warmth of their hugs.
I am grateful to be able to sit across from my wife and watch her blue eyes.
I am grateful that I got to listen to my Mom and Dad's stories about their childhood this weekend.
I am grateful for a cloudy day even though the rain missed us.
I am grateful that I got to go to a meeting and be of service.

Thanks be to God.

This morning I woke up thinking about the first three of the twelve steps.

Step one should culminate at the point where a spiritual experience and a psychic change is needed.
Two major points of consideration of step 2 should be concepts of a power:
- A power greater than myself
- A power that will restore us to sanity

My will is my decision making and my value system on which they are based(my wants, my needs, my fears).
My Life is my value system in ALL the areas of my life not just my alcoholism (or addiction). It is important to turn over all areas of my life because the of problem spiritual malady must be solved in order for the alcoholism (or addiction) to be solved.

I got the boys off to early mass and although we were a little late it was a particularly joyful event, especially communion. All throughout the rest of the day I have had the music of the psalm in my head.

In the afternoon I went to the treatment center meeting. I was considerably disappointed that I and a friend there told too long of a drug-alogue. But, upon meditation tonight I realized that I did just tell a story to make a point and I did read out of the Big Book first and tie the story to the reading. I also stayed within the time frame. I should have talked to my friend about it. A new guy came with us and did a great job.

In the evening I went to visit with my aunt and cousin. I brought them over to my house to meet my family. It was nice to be able to do this and be at peace and ease.

Thanks be to God for this day.

This morning I had several moments of inspiration which formed my current outlook on life. In the morning mass the guest priest spoke for the second day of how Jesus initiated a change of emphasis from ritual sacrifice to sacrifice of self and relationship with God as the connection to his love and power. Then with the kids I watched the program "The Friar" which told the parable of the unforgiving servant.

It was a busy morning, I cooked the kids a great big pancake breakfast and had to attack the cleaning in prep for my mom's birthday lunch. I took a break to watch the animated stories of the new testament with the kids. My wife was getting ready for a play date and she got very angry with me because the kids kept stopping to watch the program. She also yelled at me for being an adult watching cartoons. I was resentful and disappointed that she just sees this as cartoons. But I was inspired by the lesson of forgiveness and I was able to turn away from my resentment and pray earnestly for God to remove it. I watched the parable of the Roman Centurion who had faith that Jesus would heal his servant. He had faith that Jesus was Lord and knew of his authority. I cried on seeing this. I made the commitment to go to confession today.

While everyone was gone I made an effective examination of conscience.

We had a great lunch. We had a discussion about the relationships between family members and the destructiveness of resentments.

I finally got my self to confession after 15 months. It went very well and I no longer feel worried about it as a difficult experience. I feel a load lifted off of my shoulders and I am ecstatic about being able to join with the LORD sacramentally again. I was inspired by a family I saw there to take all of my family.

I got to do some batting practice with my son. I got to go to a meeting.

Thanks be to God.

This Friday I woke up at 4:00 am and got out of bed at 6:0 am.

I did a major housecleaning in preparation for my Mom's birthday lunch and a possible visit by my aunt and cousin.
I fed the kids and prepped them for church camp.
I picked up the kids from camp.
I did some branch trimming.
I did some job searching.
I fed the kids lunch and dinner.
I did some baseball practice with the kids.
I gave the kids baths.
I didn't put the kids to bed right my wife got angry when she came home from her evening meeting and they were running around making a mess.

Thanks be to God for a good day.

Today I am grateful that I woke up early and got to help my wife by handling the kids.
I am grateful that she had work late last night which is paying bills.
I am grateful that my kids get to go to church camp.
I am grateful that I got to watch the mass on TV and meditate on the scriptures about the importance of how God answered Moses as to His name.
I am grateful that I got to watch Fr. Mitch and a lebanese priest talk about the family.
I am grateful that we got a free oven hood and I got to install it today.
I am grateful that I got to buy my son an inexpensive video game about baseball that he and his friends love.
I am grateful that some rain is in the forecast.
I am grateful that I got to go to a meeting tonight and talk and hear about a power.
I am grateful that I got to throw the football with a friend and a kid.
I am grateful for the nice meal that my wife cooked that was better the second time.
I am grateful that I got to play some washers after the meeting.
I am grateful that I got to give a blind man a ride home and talk about singleness of purpose in AA and my role in addiction fellowships.
I am grateful that I got to come home to a loving wife and beautiful kids.

Thanks be to God.

This Wednesday started early and ended late.
I did my prayer and scripture meditation, today was a reading beginning the exodus.
I got the kids off to a prayerful start and I stuck to my committment to talk less and issue consequences more.
My wife was still resentful with me because I could not commit to maintaining the tasks that are important to her at the level she expects if she takes a full time job.
I was worried about being unproductive.
I did a home improvement task that has been needed for some time.
I woke and fed the kids.
I did an inside cleaning task and routine maintenance.
I did some job searching.
I thought about the alcoholic archetype.
I washed my truck.
I had to stay home and take care of the kids in the evening while my wife worked.
I spent some time outside with them and I cleaned and set up a big ice water dispenser.
my neighbor gave me a used kids bed and a set of tires. I have been worried about my tires and these might actually fit my truck.
I lost my temper and yelled at my son in front of his friends but I apologized immediately and he accepted it.
The kids responded well to immediate consequences today and I didn;t need to repeat myself much and they didn't have to be punished much.
Thanks be to God

This morning I had to get myself moving several times to avoid the idleness that bothered me yesterday. At one point I found myself walking in and out and around the house just doing things I saw in front of me. It's not that I don't have anything to do it's just that with constant barrage of things to do to maintain the kids that I can't hold together a list of to dos in my head. With the unpredictable nature of my wife's work and the need to take and pick up the kids at camp I am never quite sure how much time I am going to have.

Nevertheless, I did feel a better sense of accomplishment today.

Today I realized that my discipline practices with the kids have degraded. I commit now to improve this starting tomorrow. I have got to quit nagging and yelling and instead must implement immediate consequences. I also must be willing to endure the meltdowns that will come at first.

I got to throw balls with my oldest and his friend today.

Thanks be to God.

I got out of bed early and helped get 3 of my kids off to church camp this morning.

Today I thought about a couple of ideas:

The Divine Archetype
The Alcoholic Archetype
Spiritual Restoration
Spiritual Regeneration

Archetypes Defined
Archetypes are blueprints of universal behavioral patterns that reside in the collective unconscious. When as aspect of our soul resonates with a particular archetype the energies and experiences of that figure become available to us.

I shouldn't look for proof of the existence of God through natural evidence of the creation of the universe. I should seek the evidence for the existence of God in the divine archetype. I shouldn't look for God in what he can do outside of me but rather what he can do inside of me.

Today I was worried alot about resting too much; I feel like a pothead when I fo this. I felt considerably restless and isolated at home. I tried to be grateful for the peace and love of family that I have.

I got to go to a meeting tonight and have several conversations with friends. I was grateful to be able to speak with adults.

Thanks be to God.

This morning I made a decision for our family to take the boys to mass early. My wife grumbled but I feel that it was best for us so that we could take the truck with the working air conditioner.

I made a decision to go to the treatment center. My wife grumbled about this but I didn't respond or antagonize her. I have been reacting less to her grumbling in the past couple of days, this has given me a lot of peace.

The other guy that showed up really does a great job of carrying the message, I was grateful to get to work with him today. He brought a topic on the great experience of fellowship in AA/CA. Afterward I got to play two really intense games of table tennis.

I had some new thoughts about how I once got sober by a wake up call and willpower. This was in Junior High School. I am not sure what the point of this is but I think it has to do with how I drank and used not how much or how long. Maybe that should be the approach to my story. I could talk about how i felt and what this did to me and just lead up to my first sobriety and then summarize the rest as the extent of my delusion.

I got to have a nice little cookout and watch a ball game this afternoon. I got impatient with the kids but I apologized and showed them a lot of love.

Thanks be to God.

This morning my wife had a garage sale and I watched the kids. I got them off to a good start with breakfast and religious cartoons. As I went through the morning I lost site of working within the scope of my family responsilities and I got my mind on other things that I can't do. I fell into failed expectations and low grade resentments. Tomorrow I must trust in the LOrd that he needs me to be all I can be at home and not espect to be able to be or do more.

Thanks be to God

I got off to a great start this morning at 6:15 am. I got breakfast out of the way and got to spend some great time in the back yard mowing the lawn and I got to the kids out there. I got to play washers with my son.

A good friend of my wife showed up and dropped off their kids. My kids and their kids had a great time.

I got to take a long nap in the afternoon and get some cleaning done.

All in all it was a great day.

Thanks be to God.

This morning I was resentful that my wife suggested that I would be irritable if I didn't get out of the house. I am grateful that I got out of the house. I am grateful that I got our van diagnosed. I am grateful that I got to fellowship with a friend in the program and I got to meet some good people while helping them get a tough job done. These activities helped me find a sense of initiative, motivation, eagerness, and hope. I realize now just how much my spirits were flagging.

I got to go to a meeting tonight. The topic was finding willingness to believe in God's power and why our old conceptions failed us.

I thought about how I was a pragmatist and believed that material success came from hard work and good fortune alone, I was a pessimist and was put off by the bad things that religious people did, I was a naturalist and believed that the universe could be explained by science and therefore disproved God. I thought about how I needed to believe and was willing to believe but didn't have enough belief to have faith. I thought about how I was informed that I could believe in the fellowship as my higher power, or I could believe in Good Orderly Direction. I thought that the terms higher power and "of my understanding" were just euphemisms for the universal standard conception of God. I remember thinking that I read the steps ahead so I knew this was a trick just to get me to be open minded but eventually they were referring to God.

I remembered reading that something more than human power was needed and that a mere code of morals was not enough which seemed to contradict the conceptions offered.

As this spun around in my head I sensed an idea trying to form. I kept studying the words and I found my answer right there in the step, "... a power greater than myself that would restore me to sanity." I had never had a conception of God that would restore me to sanity. In my pragmatism I had only thought of material miracles but not of psychic ones. Now I was seeing miracles of recovery all around me. I also realized that the wording was not the seemingly euphemistic "higher power" but a "power greater than myself". I was being guided to a conception that emphasized the "power" of God in my present life not just in the afterlife or in relation to all of humanity. This also was something of which I had never conceived.

I realized that I had been relying on a conception from my childhood, the Santa Claus God. The God that I lost faith in when I quit believing in Santa Claus. Before then I believed unconditionally because my parents said so. But when I started forming my own conceptions I never followed through with a working conception of God.

With this insight I was able to move forward in faith. I didn't have to answer all my questions but I just knew there were answers.

It occurs to me now that I was looking only at the bad things religious people did but not the good things. That science was one of those good things that religious people did. It occured to me that there was no doctrine of faith that discredited scientific observation and discovery, that in fact the creation myth said God commanded is to "name" the animals which might just be a primitive way to think of science.

Thanks be to God.

This morning I woke up from a using dream. I was with some friends waiting to go out on the town. I was in the past and the present at the same time. I was with an old friend and I felt obligated to drink with her. I knew I was supposed to be sober but I remembered that I had drank a few times in my sobriety and not told anyone so I rationalized that it was ok. Looking back this has been a repeated theme that I return to in my dreams, that I have years of sobriety but that I have secretly drank a few times without consequence. I believe that this is a glimpse into my subconscious and the hidden desires that continue to run that I am unaware of.

I woke up thinking that this was a minor and not very powerful or vivid drinking dream after all I was not using. But upon writing this I see that it was. I can remember the locations, the conversations, the dialog in my head, the clothes, the eras, the events, and the people. I felt like we had a special, secret, and common experience that we were trying to get to.

As to what a actions and disorder that I might have that triggered this spiritual attack. I can think of three, I told my story the other day, I didn't do a review two nights ago, and I was unwilling to let go of low grade resentments last night.

I got off to a good start today and tried to be understanding and supportive to my wife.

I managed to do some job hunting today.

I was home all day and in the evening degraded into some resentful actions. It was wierd because I wouldn't let my resentments manifest toward my wife but I was showing them. Late in the evening she got resentful to me.

During the afternoon I had a thought that the family life is like firefighting. That I am putting out fires so much that it doesn't give me a chance to have my will, and that is where my resentment comes from. I resolved to accept this role.

Thanks be to God for this day.

Yesterday I got to tell my story at a meeting. I spent my spare time during the day updating it. I was grateful for the eleven guys at the meeting. I was grateful for the pizza that they bought. I was grateful to be able to get though it without having to read.

I told my story this time framed in the insight I received when I saw the county jail shuttle bus. This worked out real good.

I thought a lot today about how to best tell my story. I should make a summary of each section and a long version. I should commit these to memory. I should frame each telling in a variety of insights.

Today I was resentful that my wife doesn't help with the meals like I expect her to.
This evening I was resentful that I was stuck at home all day.
I was resentful that she spent a lot of money on a new camera.
This evening I was resentful that my wife doesn't organize her garage sale junk in my garage.
I should be grateful for all the things that my wife does that I don't do at all like take the kids to the doctor and laundry.
I should be grateful that I have a home to be stuck in on a torrid day.
I should be grateful that my wife makes extra money.
I should be remember that it is only one day.
I should make better plans every day.

Thanks be to God.

Today we all woke up a little late due to the busy holiday yesterday. My wife wasn't up with the kids in time so I just went with the flow and took my oldest son to mass with me alone. We were able to fully participate in the worship.

I got to go to the meeting at the treatment center today. I was the only one there. The attendant asked me to be sure to leave time for the patients to share.

I stopped by my sponsor's house afterward.

Thanks be to God.

At noon today we went to Lockhart, Tx. to eat at Kruetz's Market for my Dad's birthday. He chose 12:30 to meet there. When we got there it was closed. It was warm in the van as the AC is not working right. The kids were hungry because they eat at noon. My Dad decided to go to Luling, Tx. to eat at the City Market. When we got there it was packed and the kids got somewhat unruly. When my Dad made some gripes I thought that the lack of accommodations for small children were obvious when he made the decision to go there. I was resentful for a moment or two but it passed.

Today I was resentful of my wife's attitude several times. I was resentful that she has to react to everything the kids say and do. I realize that my reaction to her is the same as the sin that I am judging her for.

This evening I made a decision to go to our meeting due to a sense of obligation to support it. I wasn't quite sure why I felt compelled to go. My wife was resentful because we were going to a holiday party and she wanted my help getting the kids there. It turned out that there were only four people at the meeting and two of them were young people new in sobriety. I realized that my intuition was right because many of the members of our group were at holiday events and the meeting needed support.

After the meeting I went to the party and had a great time.

This morning we watched the parable of the Pharisee and the Tax Collector. My son and I sang the song all day. Tonight on the way home from the party my mind drifted into an imaginary discussion about the meaning of this parable. It was as if I were discussing with another alcoholic about the need for our perspective to be that of the admission and removal of character defects first, not just the seeking of virtues because we are prone to play up our virtues and judge other people's sins.

As I write this I realize how I am like the Pharisee. My disordered motives tend to overvalue my virtues and judge others behaviors. Even if I don't consciously do this I do it automatically.

I am grateful that we got to go to Luling and eat the food that I really wanted anyway.
I am grateful that my daughter said this food is the best and I love it.
I am grateful that my oldest son came and joined us in the line and the cook showed him the inside of the smoker.
I am grateful that we got to see several groups of relatives.
I am grateful that my wife understands and supports my meeting attendance.
I am grateful that my wife and I don't bicker and get intensely resentful at each other any more.
I am grateful for the fellowship that we got to enjoy as a family tonight.
I am grateful for this country that we live in.

Thanks be to God.

I thought a lot about my story today. I am worried because it took a long time just to get to my first time in treatment. At that point I felt too exhausted to go any further.

I woke up a little earlier today and started out back closer to schedule but then I fell asleep hard at midday. I was sluggish the rest of the day.

Tonight I got to go to a meeting. The guy that brought the topic talked about his lack of belief when he was first trying to get sober and then how he asked God for help to believe and he had a spiritual experience. Many people shared on this topic and I realized that this was a vital part of my story that I had intended to leave out.

I got to play washers with a friend for his first time in a long time. I showed him how to throw and keep score and I beat him but he wanted to play again. He knocked away my leaner, scored 2 ringers and a leaner himself in the subsequent throws and he had a good time.

I got to go get haircuts with my son today.

I got to talk to a guy who asked if it were ok to call me sponsor.

Thanks be to God for a good day.

Today I woke up very late. Thankfully my wife got up and took care of the kids. I hope to do better tomorrow. It was another rainy and slightly cooler morning for which I am grateful.

I felt directionless at times today again.
My wife griped at me because I didn't like her bringing home junk to sell.
I applied for some jobs today.
I worked on my fence today.
I got the kids out riding their bikes for a while.
I threw some baseballs with my son.

Thanks be to God.