This morning I woke up from a using dream. I was with some friends waiting to go out on the town. I was in the past and the present at the same time. I was with an old friend and I felt obligated to drink with her. I knew I was supposed to be sober but I remembered that I had drank a few times in my sobriety and not told anyone so I rationalized that it was ok. Looking back this has been a repeated theme that I return to in my dreams, that I have years of sobriety but that I have secretly drank a few times without consequence. I believe that this is a glimpse into my subconscious and the hidden desires that continue to run that I am unaware of.

I woke up thinking that this was a minor and not very powerful or vivid drinking dream after all I was not using. But upon writing this I see that it was. I can remember the locations, the conversations, the dialog in my head, the clothes, the eras, the events, and the people. I felt like we had a special, secret, and common experience that we were trying to get to.

As to what a actions and disorder that I might have that triggered this spiritual attack. I can think of three, I told my story the other day, I didn't do a review two nights ago, and I was unwilling to let go of low grade resentments last night.

I got off to a good start today and tried to be understanding and supportive to my wife.

I managed to do some job hunting today.

I was home all day and in the evening degraded into some resentful actions. It was wierd because I wouldn't let my resentments manifest toward my wife but I was showing them. Late in the evening she got resentful to me.

During the afternoon I had a thought that the family life is like firefighting. That I am putting out fires so much that it doesn't give me a chance to have my will, and that is where my resentment comes from. I resolved to accept this role.

Thanks be to God for this day.