I'm grateful to be recovering from the flu tonight.  For the past three days I have been completely incapacitated with 100 degrees plus fever.  I also didn't eat for a 24 hour stretch.  During that time I worried about missing a coaches meeting, not be available for my newest sponsee, the deadline for my math test, not getting any of this week's assignments done, not making meetings, and not going to church.  In my delirium these things circled round and round my mind.  Last night I finally remembered to pray for recovery.  This morning I was not energetic but I was also not feverish or achy any more.

This afternoon I had to take my test and make it back in time to take my son to practice.  I was finally able to sit down around noon and review for it.  It was demoralizing.  I could see by the problems I had done that my mind was focused and prepared for the material on Tuesday.  But none of it made any sense. I kept drawing blanks and couldn't remember how to do the work.  At one point I became frustrated and despondent.  I blamed my wife for getting me sick.  Finally I just had to leave and go take the test as I was out of time.  My wife tried to encourage me and suggested that a better attitude would help.  I grumbled that attitude wouldn't help me remember how to solve math problems.

On the way to the test I thought about how this was not the first time I felt this way going into a test.  I made myself face the fact that I was adopting a fatal final-ism and not trusting in God.  I decided to pray and to allow him to change my attitude.  I didn't become optimistic right away but I became certain that I was being self-centered and I became willing to try my best.

The test was easier than I expected.  In fact, as I did it I realized that the tests were always easier than the reviews and I had been basing my fear of the outcome on the difficulty of the review.  Also, I unexpectedly retained some of the information from the review.  I think that I did good, at least well enough to pass, God willing.  I got out in plenty of time to get my son to practice.

We had a good practice.

I called my sponsee.

My wife sent me on an errand to the store and while I was there I bought her roses for Valentine's day.

Thanks be to God.