This morning I had an interesting experience in one of my classes.  We did a questionnaire looking back at our earliest childhood memories and to also write about our self-defeating behaviors that have troubled us.  It was a  study in Adlerian psychology.  I wrote about the time I remember being in the car chatting with my parents as I stood in the back seat.  It was very memorable for me for some reason, I just remember that they were extremely pleased with me and amazed at what I had to say.  I remember that it was so perfect and it was just the three of us, although my brother had to have been there.  I talked to my mom about this a little while back and  she said that I was late in talking but then one day had a verbal explosion.  I finally connected this today with memories of having complete thoughts but being frustrated and afraid to talk.  Even after I knew that I could speak I was stuck in my idea that I could not.  When I finally did speak I had actually mastered speech and the suddenness of it had to have been a shocker for them.  I realized that this was a recurring issue for me all my life.  That I was afraid to look dumb when I wasn't good at something and would not risk doing it in front of people until I was really good at it.  But if I didn't master it I would get very stuck for a long time.  I had to begin to recognize when I was being to risk aversive and learn to jump in.  I had to learn that this was better than developing a phobia and then looking really avoidant.  It is good to see this in the big picture now.

I got to learn how to graph equations this morning.
I got to go to a 12 step meeting at school today.
I got to talk to my sponsee today.
I got to play with the kids in the back yard this evening.
I got to watch a baseball program with my older son.

Thanks be to God.