Last night I had a using dream.  In the dream I contacted my cousin to buy some crank.  But when the time came for me to go get it my mother was home and I couldn't go.  Later when my mother was away from home my cousin called and said that he would be at his home a block away from me at about a given time and I could come by and make the purchase.  When the time came, his roommate came to my door and advised me that he was there ready for me.  I said okay, I would be over shortly.  I anticipated the score with great desire. As the roommate darted away through a fence, my mother drove up at home and ran inside and began to question me suspiciously.  I felt stress and anxiety and anger and frustration and was thwarted in my attempt to score.  I woke up thankful that I don't have to live that way anymore and neither does my mom or wife.

This morning I thought about functional alcoholism.  This was prompted by the ravings of Charlie Sheen.  I thought about how what he is saying is based on his measure of his functionality in his work.  But at the same time his words reveal his dis-functionality of his mind.  He is lashing out at everyone around and under him and affecting all of their lives.  The dysfunctional alcoholic eventually implodes, the functional alcoholic eventually explodes.

Perhaps the ability to function in addiction is based on an inner realization that the addiction can only live if the person can keep the resources coming.

I watched a Fr. Barron's program Word on Fire.  The topic was the sin of pride and the virtue of humility.  I remembered our meeting on Friday.  Fr. Barron quoted Thomas Aquinas "Humilitas es Veritas", "humility is the awareness of the truth."  I realized that this was the lesson of my experience in the story I told about the guy with more time who asked me to sponsor him.