Last night I had a dream that I was a young boy and was resting on my mothers lap. This is important to me because of the emotional block that I have had with my parents. In the dream I felt the connection to my mother that I can't bring to mind (remember) in my waking mind.

This morning I was well prepared from last night and the boys and I got off to church on time. I remembered to speak to them consistently about discipline and was able to target specific consequences in smaller increments to the areas where they needed behavior improvement. That way, even thought they did good overall, I was able to apply discipline for the things they did not do well.

Sometime today I found myself dreading the start of the work week. I thought of how I must seek spiritual fulfillment in order to break this discontent. I found contentment in the day and optimism for the workweek.
Them I rememered that tomorrow is a holiday. It was as if reality shifted and I got the gift that I wanted as soon as I was completely willing to let it go.

My parents came to visit today. They brought us a great feast and we grilled and had fun. I felt especially comfortable and affectionate to my parents. Maybe it was because of the dream that I had.

I got a call from the little league baseball commissioner asking if I wanted to coach a baseball team this afternoon. I was awkward answering but I said that I could not commit to this. I had to resist the impulse to do it because we it would pull me away from home too much and this would be too difficult for my wife. I feel that this would also impact my recovery program at some level also. I have to admit that I am still thinking about it as it is just 2 nights a week and saturday mornings.

My father and my son and I did a little practice at the park. My son is building a wonderful and close relationship to my father. They told stories to each other and shared funny moments. I am grateful that he gets to spend so much time with him in his youth.

Thanks be to God for a good mother and father.

I started off the morning with the daily mass. The readings were :

1 Cor 1:26-31: God chose the foolish of the world to shame the wise

Mt 25:14-30 A man going on a journey
called in his servants and entrusted his possessions to them.

This morning I griped at my wife for about running errands and leaving me with the kids.

I did a lot of housekeeping and yardwork today and I played outside with the kids twice.

I got the kids interested in religious kids programming again today.

My wife and I didn't stay mad at each other long at all and we had some kind moments with each other.

Thanks be to God for a good day.

I had a very busy day at work but nothing that I know of went wrong. I got good news about the prospects for financial reward at work.

I didn't get to go to the noon meeting.

Tonight I went and set up the Friday night Big Book Study. Only a couple of friends showed up and we just talked and cleaned up.

A guy who hasn't been able to stay sober and who I felt uncertain about trusting showed up late and gave me a ride home. The guy is my sponsor's son. He has never opened up and talked to me until tonight.

I had no plans or expectations of talking to him. A long time ago I did but I have long since given up on them. He spoke honestly about some things and some great opportunites to talk about the spiritual life came up. It did wonders for me.

Even though we didn't have the meeting I felt like I did my twelfth step duty tonight.

Thanks be to God for the treasures of Heaven.

I woke up early had time to cook breakfast and had a good, productive, busy day. I didn't get to go to the noon meeting today because we had a meeting about work. A guy forgot the meeting and was humiliated for doing so. He is making some of the mistakes that I made and I was resentful for the way it was handled.

Otherwise I had a great day and a nice evening.

Thanks be to God.

Tonight I posted about addiction is not a choice on a sober blog.

I thought about how I almost told my sponsor the other night that I hadn't had a using dream for as long as I could remember. Then something stopped me. Late that night I woke up and remembered that I had had recent using dreams and nightmares that I could only remember when I was in a semiconscious state. It was very bizarre. It once again made me aware of the activity that happens behind the veil in the spiritual realm.

It was a great day, I went to the noon meeting. Once again I almost didn't go. I decided just to take the walk anyway. On teh street I ran into a guy from the fellowship that I haven't seen in a long time. He is 7 months sober. We talked for a little while and I felt like I had done twelfth step work just by walking down the street. I took this as a sign to go to the meeting.

Our reading was the personal story "Tightrope" again. I focused my perspective on our primary purpose.

I had to accept some humility today.

Today I felt inspired in a way that I have not felt in weeks.

Tonight I laughed and sang and danced with my wife and kids.

Thanks be to God.

This morning I woke up late and groggy. Before I knew it I was out of time to pray. I had to get up and take a shower because I couldn't stay awake. Since I was out of time I opted to skip breakfast and pray instead. Last night I passed out without doing a review so I knew I couldn't skimp this morning. It was a good thing too because as the day went on I didn't have time to think of much else other than work.

I got to go to the noon meeting. We read about step 7.

Tonight my wife was pretty frazzled. I had to stop myself from judging her. I had to turn over resentments a couple of times.

I got to go on a bike ride with my son.

We got up on time today and had a good morning. I was a little disappointed that my middle son wasn't feeling well and I let my wife talk me out of taking him to mass but my oldest and I went and he was well behaved.

Our Gospel reading was Jesus asking the disciples "who do you say I am?". I remember this time of the liturgical year for the past three years noe that I have been back in the church.

I thought about supporting our church more.

My mom visited today and we watched the little league world series championship. My son put on his uniform and really got into it. Afterward he asked me to practice with him.

Our house was a little crazy today and my wife griped at me in front of my mom and unfairly accused me of not doing my part. I resisted fighting back and just opted out. But I have been resentful since then. I need to pray to free from the anger.

I did a little service work on the website for my 12 step fellowship.

Thanks be to God for the treasures of heaven.

My prayer time this morning got interrupted by my kids. Later in the morning I sat and rocked the baby and watched the rosary prayed on TV.

I had to watch the kids by myself while my wife went shopping. I did this in fairly good spirits but I did get resentful at a certain point. I got over it.

I got my kids to watch Saturday morning religious cartoons and kids programs. I have done this off and on for a little while but I persevered today.

There was this moment today when my wife and I started bickering. I finally got frustrated and gave her a final. She dropped it and started being friendly but not conciliatory. I stayed bitter and quiet. I picked up Daily Reflections just then and read the reflection for today,

Can we bring the same spirit of love and tolerance into our sometimes deranged family lives that we bring to our A.A. group? TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS , pp. 111 -112

I made a choice to surrender and quit fighting.

My son and I watched Mexico win the international championship of the College World Series today and advance to the Championship.

A couple and their child came over to buy a doll house from my wife this afternoon. I was slightly irritable and I was not as friendly as I should have been. I feel now that I missed a great opportunity to be a good example of Christian charity.

In the evening my son and I had a great little batting practice at his school.

I heard one of my favorite priest speakers tonight say that addiction is a choice. He didn't just say it in passing, he was vehement about it. I thought about how this is "normie thinking". A person who has never experienced powerlessness cannot understand it completely.

He gave his reasoning and he didn't say anything profound (although he was passionate). He stated the typical case that by saying we are powerless we are not taking responsibility and we play the victim. He also stated that by going to meetings and identifying ourselves as addicts that we define ourselves as such for a lifetime. He stated that many people who have failed to stay sober in AA go to him.

I thought about how the main objective of understanding powerlessness is to fully realize and concede than one needs God's power, not to defer responsibility. In fact by stating that I am an addict I am stating that I fully accept and continue to accept the need to stay connected to God. By doing so I take responsibility for my recovery.

I wished that I could tell him about how people do not stay sober because they do not work the program. I wished I could tell him that the program is not meetings and dependence upon AA but that it is a set of spiritual practices and dependence up God. I wished I could tell him that AA led me back to God and back to the church.

I thought about how the idea that addiction is a choice is not new but is the age-old delusion of every addict and of many normies.

I don't fault the priest because this idea (delusion) is something that he is just as powerless over as I am over my addiction.

"I am carnal, sold into slavery to sin. What I do, I do not understand. For I do not do what I want, but I do what I hate." Romans 7 14-15

Thanks be to God for power over my addiction.

Today I almost didn't go to the noon meeting. I went out of duty and there was a low turnout. It was a good meeting.

I had a good day at work, we had a meeting and the topic I brought ended up being a collaborative project and a good contribution.

My mom took my son today and did all his back to school shopping.

Tonight I got to chair out Big Book study. We read "Winner Takes All".

I got to meet with my sponsor after the meeting and we conferred about a financial assistance issue that I feel uncomfortable with. He has a similar dilemma and needed to talk about it.

We also talked about or wives and he shared with me about how the best course of action is to pray for them rather than manage them. I connected this to the Gospel from Sunday about the persistent Caananite woman who didn't give up asking Jesus to help her daughter.

Today was my daughter's 3rd birthday.

Thanks be to God.

Today I was in the presence of my two bosses and the new guy. I sensed how they had a rappor with him that seems lost with me. I'm writing this down just to be sure and leave in today. I don't believe this is real or that it really matters. It is just my fear that is the problem.

On the way to the noon meeting I thought about a recent conversation where I almost had to let a normie friend know about my addiction. I thought about the conversation that would have ensued and how he might have thought that I must be struggling if I need to go to so many meetings still.

I thought about how I might have told him that a drink is so far from my mind that you couldn't make me take one. Then I realized that I often feel this way about it myself. I often feel like I am nowhere near a drink or drug. I remembered that I can't trust my feelings. I remembered that my obsession comes without warning or obsessing.

Thanks be to God for removing my obsession.

This morning I had a hard time connecting to God. I had to start my meditation over multiple times. I had a terrible time focusing and kept drifting into thoughts about my affairs.

Today at work I was also distracted too much during slow interludes. I really need to stay focused on productive pursuits.

I got to go to the meeting at noon.

This evening I cooked dinner for the kids and bathed them while my wife went to a class at church.

Tonight I got to watch the Little League World Series with my son.

Thanks be to God for a great day.

This morning I woke up late and tired and I cut short my time with God.

At noon I went to the meeting. The topic was tradition 5. I shared about how this tradition is important in keeping me focused on the primary purpose. As tie goes by I have a tendency to get mentally farther and farther away from the drink. Out of pride, grandiosity, and delusion, I can begin to focus on the higher planes of spirituality, psychology, good character, or religion, too much and lose site of how this relates to alcoholism. I heard people like this when I was new and they didn't fire in me the truth that I needed to see. It's not that these things are bad to talk about or that I shouldn't talk about these things but I must always balance these topics with freedom from addiction and alcoholism.

After the meeting I had some additional thoughts also about how these topics alone or with too much emphasis can be divisive. Our common purpose, solution, and mission and these are the axis of our unity. An example might be my religion. This program has gave me a rich spiritual life which led me through a path of comparative religion and eventually the Catholic faith. In speaking of spiritual matters I am inclined to want to share the fullness of my faith. But the extent of the program is basic functional elements of spirituality without any history, theology, or moral teaching.

This evening my wife got me a free haircut from a contest at a high-end salon. I acted ungratefully by fretting over what their angle is. I had to make amends quickly.

It was a beautiful cool evening after a long rain. I got to clean and fix a gutter and ride bikes with son #2.

Thanks be to God for a great day.

Today I had my review and I didn't get fired.

Tonight I was talking to s friend and when the subject of my troubles at work came up I again blamed other people. I need to stick to my side of the street.

Thanks be to God for taking care of me and my family.

Last night I couldn't sleep and I got up and watched a movie, it was "The Nun's Story". I got to see the disciplined spiritual practices of a nun. I was particularly interested in the evening review that they did. I noticed that they were very straightforward in how they wrote their sins. I also got an idea of the sort of sins of the conscience that they wrote about.

This morning at a time I was not enthusiastic about going to mass.

The boys were pretty reasonably behaved.

Last night I passed out without doing an evening review.

Today I got to practice baseball with my son.

Thanks be to God for His graces.

Tonight I went to our Big Book study meeting. I looked at the story length beforehand and saw that it was short. The idea popped into my head that it wouldn't be that inspiring and that it would be the same experience as the stories I have recently read.

During our opening meditation I was moved to pray the set aside prayer for an open mind and a new experience.

The story was "Flooded With Feeling", I was flooded with feeling.

There was a point in the story where he said "...this is the part of my story where I'm supposed to say 'and then I went on for ten more years'" I was flooded with memories of the points where I hit bottom, became willing... and then I went on for ten more years.

I had to stop reading and put down my book. I was moved to tears. Then I realized that I avoided another ten years that I could have gone on. I was filled with joy.

Today we had several turns of fortune with our bills. We managed to avoid foreclosure and avoid anything getting turned off and my dad offered to pay for my son's baseball.

Tonight I remembered our Gospel reading about Jesus walking on the water in the storm and reaching out to Peter.

Thanks be to God for getting me through the storm.

Last night after a brief review I went and made peace with the family. It seemed like no one really realized that I was irritable. I was grateful that I did.

Today I finally found the simple words to describe something that I have been pondering for a lomg time. The 12 steps encompass the functional elements of religion and spirituality to achieve sobriety.

I got to talk to my sister today who is going through chemotherapy.

I got to go to a meeting at noon.

We are having a financial crisis and need a few hundred dollars to make the mortgage and avoid foreclosure proceedings.

Thanks be to God for grace in low spots.

Last night I didn't do a review because I was posting to a message board instead.

Today was very busy from start to finish. I felt as if I couldn't go fast enough.

At noon I got to go to a meeting. I had to stop and make a concerted effort to let let go of work before I entered.

This evening I was gripey and irritable with my family. We all need some discipline but I must let go of my anger and make amends.

Thanks be to GOD for all his graces.

This morning i felt the strong need for infilling of the spirit. In addition to my prayers I took some time to do a contemplative meditation.

Throughout the day I had several trains of inspired thought and I felt effective at my job.

The idea of belief and faith from a practical application standpoint may just be described as finding the proper perspective of value and priority of formation of the will or thought life.

Spirituality is a nebulous concept to the practical minded erson who is grounded in a materialistic world view.

When I did step three I had 3 things in mind in committing to the spiritual life:
- I desparately needed to escape my addiction
- I wanted to recover a manageable life
- I wanted a chance at achieving ideals that were never possible

I realized that the moment of clarity of purpose would be fleeting so I realized that making teh step three committment meant committing to the spiritual life even when I couldn't remember why.

Our Scripture reading in today's liturgy of the word was the story of Jesus walking on the water in the storm. Peter walks out to join him only to sink when he takes his eyes off the LORD. Out priest drew some paralells to the storm of fears in our lives. The first fear he listed was fear of losing employment. Later in his talked when speaking of the strength we get when we keep or eyes on the LORD he used the example of faith to leave a job that was oppresive and not be stuck there out of fear.

Yesterday I thought of how we often think that prayer can bring us good fortune. I wondered if it were more appropriate to think that God blesses us with instances of good fortune all along but that we are abe to make best use of this or be aware of it when we have had a spiritual awakening.

Today I was bouncing around an idea that came out of last night's meeting topic, the common purpose which binds us.

Our common problem
Our common solution
Our common mission

We went to church in shifts today and it worked out great.

This afternoon my parents visited and I was able to get my brother's and sister's correct contact information.

I thought about my sister this morning and realized that I was afraid to speak to her because I didn't know what I might say to her. It would be easy if she were a person of faith but she is not. Then some inspired thoughts came to me. I would tell her that the experience that she is going through might be much like mine. I might let her know that faith in mission got me through it.

I might explain to her how I looked at people of faith and saw that they had something and I wished I could have that but that I couldn't have that because I didn't believe the way they did because reason did not allow me to accept the tenets of their faith. But then I started to look at what the tangible components of what they had and I realized that the power was in the depth of their belief. I realized that if I could find something to believe in then I could find that power.\

I could let her know that this power is the source of true miracles, not the material miracles that we are accustomed to hearing about but the inner miracles of strength to endure trials and willingness when fortune comes.

Time for bed.

Thanks be to God for a great day.

This morning I woke up and had a flood of inspiration and ideas. By the time I had this chance to jot them down I believe I forgot a lot of what I was thinking.

I thought about "my life was unmanageble" being another form of powerlessness, but this being powerlessness over my shortcomings, powerlessness over my instincts, emotions and motives, powerlessness over my disordered values, powerlessness over sin, I was powerless to manage my life effectively.

Step 2 says "a power greater than myself would restore me to sanity". Both my addiction and my life are grouped into that need for sanity.

Step 3 says "I made a decision to turn my will and my life", so the two areas of focus are distinguished since our primary purpose is freedom from addiction but this is inseparable from turning over and recovering in life.

Today I saw another sign that I am on the way out at work. I had to resist the impulse to fear and to resignation. My meditation last night gave me inspiration and peace of mind. I had a task to complete my personal review questions. Part of what I had to list were principles that guide me in the workplace. One the things I listed was that I strive to be "mission-centric" rather than worrying about my personal circumstances or the actions of others. This was the inspired perspective that I receieved from the scripture reading last night. I resolved to continue to focus on mission rather than reaction.

Tonight I wasn't sure I wanted to go to the Book Study meeting. I went out of a sense of duty. Only a few free-world" people showed up. But then a bus came from a treatment center. They were many of the same men that were there earlier this week when I went there. We read the story "tightrope", the story of a gay man in recovery.

I was afraid as the story unfolded that the many gay lover references would be objectionable to these men in early sobriety. Each man graciously read his part to the end.

I thanked them for this and used the paragraph where the writer states that AA focused on principles rather above all else as my learning and sharing point. I expressed how I was easily distracted by my judgements of others in my life and this kept me from the self-examination and basic spirituality that I needed to acquire. I explained how this program got me to do just that. I observed that I was a religious person now but thayt early on this could be a big distraction because of the broad scope of religion and that I just needed to learn basic spiritual practices and take my own inventory. I was able to work in that I found that I had a worse sexual disorder than those I judged, I had infidelity, promiscuity, and polygamy. I spoke about how these are the worse type of sexual disorder and that that's where my judgement needed to be.

My intention is not to endorse the behavior or pretend it's ok. Rather it is to focus on the solution to alcoholism/addiction while I'm at AA/CA. I can express my disapproval of that type of sexual disorder outside of the rooms. I noted to myself that the writer expressed a state of internal disorder related to his sexuality.

I was interrupted in my review by crying children.
I went to bed ad prayed with my middle son.

Today I had another setback at my job. I made a mistake that made it on my bosses radar. I am at a place now where I accept that it is inevitable that I am going to lose my job. I am not aftraid of being unemployed, or of the loss of prestige, or loss of a job I like too much. I am mostly afraid of having to go through the difficult process of termination. I don't like awkward confrontations with people and especially with people that I want to like.

My self esteem is threatened
My personal relations are threatened - Fear
My security, pocketbook, and ambitions are threatened - Fear
My sex relations are threatened - Fear
My pride is hurt - Fear

I should have valued attention to detail higher and communicated my workload better in my job to avoid making mistakes.
I should just take responsibility and own these mistakes and not be a victim.

Going forward I must strive to rely on God in my inermost self where my instincts generate my fears.

I must strive to remain amicable with my protagonists and rebuild bridges so that they might reconsider me later down the road if they ever feel this was a mistake.
I must continue to pray for acceptance of losing the job but also remember that it is not a certainty yet.
I must begin to prepare to be in the mindset of being on a job search.

~~~

Today I thought some of a new perspective of what "selfishness and self-centeredness is the root of our troubles" means. I previously only thought of the overt or visible signs of selfishness/self-centeredness. But I didn't think of the more deeper ceded

I was able to get through the day in relatively good spirits and we had a nice little evening at home after work.

Thanks be to God for a design for living.

Corrective Measures:
After writing this review I read the daily scriptures. Today's Gospel reading was Mt 16:13-23 - “Who do people say that the Son of Man is?”.
In the last verse the Lord tells the disciples that he must endure the sacrifice. Reading this really helped me to accept the difficulty that I must go through whether I lose my job or not. I must embrace my suffering as an opportunity to demonstrate God's omnipotence.

Who do I say the Son of Man is?

Today I went to the noon meeting. When I walked in a lady from out of town was chairing because none of the regulars was there. A guy stopped me and asked me to chair because she was not following the format. She asked me to introduce myself and the meeting stopped for a moment. I made a decision to accept her choices in leading the meeting as she was willing to step up and chair.

She informed me that the topic was acceptance.

I almost didn't go today but I'm glad that I did. There were only a few inexperienced people there and they weren't sure what to say. I was able to share my experience. A good regular member came in and he shared his experience as well.

The meeting ended early and I stayed talking to my friend. Or discussion turned to my troubles and he shared some basic words out of the Big Book that helped me immensely.

Tonight I thought of the spokes of the wheel all leading to the same God. I haven't believed this concept in a long time. But recently I have taken a new look at it.

In the past I believed it in the sense that all forms of spirituality lead to the same God so it didn't matter what your preferred spiritual path was. In that belief also Christianity was just one of the spokes parallel to the rest of the religions and forms of spirituality.

This new conception is one of all the archetype of the spokes radiating out from the center and men being inspired by the same God. The spokes are the forms of spirituality seeking to complete the connection to teh center. Montheistic paths are closest to being complete, and the abrahamic faiths are nearer even more so. However, the center of the spoke is not just God but is Christ. Therefore, while the idea of the spokes were inspired from the same God, and know it or not they seek that union back to the center. Only Christianity is a complete spoke. Many of the spokes are broken. Some more so than others. However, we do not know where God extends his grace out and completes the spoke for those spiritual paths.

Tonight it was very nice to come home to a full house. I am exhausted now.

Thanks be to God for a great day.

Today at work I felt like I was herding cats. I was buried by requests and tasks. I didn't get to make it to they noon meeting. I am grateful that I was so overridden because today felt like it would have been very long if I didn't have so much to do.

When I got home this evening I seemed to carry my burdens with me. I really missed my family. I cooked a big meal and ate by myself.

After dinner I thought about going to a meeting. I thought about how I have been to a meeting every night and I really don't need to go. I thought about all the home maintenance that I am neglecting. I thought about how I don't have any money and need to conserve my gas. I remembered that tonight is the night of the H&I meeting that I never get to go to anymore. I thought about how the meetings are not just for me.

On my way to the meeting I felt mentally drained and lacking inspiration. I tried to focus on a topic thread or to put together some thoughts, but I couldn't. I caught myself on a long stretch of road over some rolling hills and just asked for God's help with guidance and direction.

At the meeting I got to meet some guys over a game of table tennis. There were only two other guys there for the panel. The topic was God's will not mine. One guy shared from the heart, the other guy just had a few words. The thoughts and words came to me to share a great deal of experience.

A guy in the meeting spoke up during an extended silence. He said he never shares in meetings. He said "I just got it! It just clicked for me!". He went on to share a fundamental principle that finally made sense to him and he said he found a conception of God and his willingness at that moment.

One of the guys on our panel was coming back from relapse. He was my friend the atheist who I used to see at that meeting. He hadn't been there since the same time that I quit going. We just happened to go there on the same night tonight. He expressed his need to find a God concept and we talked a little about it. It was the greatest opportunity I have had in a long time to carry the message.

On the way home my wife called and said they are on their way home unexpectedly.

Thanks be to God for everything I need.

Today I was afraid again going to work. It felt like Mondays used to feel, like the dreaded start of a long week. At some point in the morning I was graced with freedom again.

At noon I got to go to the meeting. The group members were especially welcoming today. I started feeling like an important member of the group.

My wife and kids decided today to stick out hurricane Edouard in Houston. I was afraid at first but now I am excited for my son. I grew up all my life fascinated by severe weather and I always wondered what a Hurricane would be like. This one is only supposed to be a minimal strength storm so it should be exciting but not too dangerous... I hope.

This afternoon I was very tired and I fell asleep hard after work. I woke up within 30 minutes of the evening meeting. I thought about going to the meeting but thought I have been to enough meetings lately but then I thought that I don't just go to meetings for me that I go to help the new person. I walked in and took the last seat at the table, it was right next to temptation.

The meeting topic was given and a long, awkward silence fell. I had some incomplete thoughts bt it was enough for me to open up with.

I got to see a good friend get a 25 year keytag.

Thanks be to God for his protection and care and for peace of mind today.

This morning my wife was late getting up. This made it uncertain if I was going to be able to get to church on time since the baby was awake. Also my middle son had a rough trip to the store so I felt like I would need ample preparation to decide to take him.

I did get to go and I managed to resist getting irrritable about it. I was able to accept things as they were. At church there was a single woman there that looked like an friend from my childhood. I had to resist the temptation to look or think anything other than platonic thoughts.

I was pleased that my oldest son was well behaved at church. We got to spend some quality time together again.

The gospel was the fishes and the loaves. The priest's homily was about trusting God to give us all we need.

I thought some more today about step 8. I thought about the misconception that step 8 will stir up old conflicts that should be left in the past. I also thought about how difficult it seems and how I have to realize the fatal nature of the disease in order to take such radical action.

My wife took all the kids on a trip to her father's house. As the trip approached this morning I became afraid that she was taking the trip alone with all four kids in this heat, in our van of questionable reliability and with a tropical storm approaching. Knowing how dead set she was about this I had to trust in God and let her go.

When she left she commented that she was worried about the potential for relapse while I was alone. I couldn't really think about that as I was just worried about their safety and overwhelmed with the chaos of their departure. As I thought about this later I realized that I am more worried about the potential for unfaithfullness.

This evening I got to go to a meeting. Temptation sat down on both sides of me. I had to guard my thoughts and keep from looking. After the meeting it seemed as if temptaton was continuing to pursue me. I resisted.

Our topic was about trusting God to give us all we need.

Thanks be to God for a great day.

This morning I had to take care of the kids all morning while my wife had a garage sale again. I did the housecleaning and didn't get angry about it. After noon I got angry at her because I felt like she wasn't closing up the sale and I had to go to the store for formula. When I got back I made amends to her for getting angry I admitted that I shouldn't have griped at her. She also apologized to me for getting angry.

I watched an episode of "The Cleaner" today. The recovered addict was working so much at his job (chasing addicts) that he neglected his family. I thought about how this would not be living by God's will and would disrupt the power that retsores me to sanity. This would harm others and be just like addiction in that sense. The protagonist's wife expressed that sentiment to him.

There is however the parallel to the story that fellowship and service work are major sacrifices that families must make in order to keep the grace of God.

Today I thought again about “The Kingdom of heaven is like a treasure buried in a field,". Earlier this week I thought that the simplest reading of the parable is that the “The Kingdom of heaven" refers to actual heaven and therefore the whole parable refers to the afterlife. I thought I might be reading into it something that is not intended by thinking of “The Kingdom of heaven" as the spiritual life in this life.

I thought of the supporting readings on Sunday and Thursday thought that this must mean that the intepretation of the church is what led me in this direction and Fr. I thought of some of the other ideas related to this in the parables and the parallels of seeking spiritual wisdom.

Selling what you have is like changing your priorities and getting rid of old values.
Culling a net full of fish is like focusing on what's really important.
Re-burying the treasure to buy the land and come back for it is like finding the truth and going through the process of changing your life and persevering for the long term gratification.

Father Barry's focus on the "treasures of the Kingdom of heaven" as being spiritual principles and that we should be treasure seekers rather than seekers of worldly treasures supported this also. Father Barron's teaching was also consistent with this.

Today I heard that it says "Fear not" and "trust in the LORD" 365 times in the bible. I realized that is one for every day of the year.

This evening I got to go to a meeting. On the way to the meeting Father Larry's program was on and he was talking about the importance of making amends. I found that I really didn't want to think about this. The program reminded me that it is August 2nd and that it is time for me to start my 8th step study. I thought I will think about it later. I realized that this is a step that I resist the most. I thought it will probably be the topic of the meeting. The topic of the meeting was from the first 3 pages of the 12 and 12 on step 8.

Thanks be to God for the treasures of heaven.