Today I saw another sign that I am on the way out at work. I had to resist the impulse to fear and to resignation. My meditation last night gave me inspiration and peace of mind. I had a task to complete my personal review questions. Part of what I had to list were principles that guide me in the workplace. One the things I listed was that I strive to be "mission-centric" rather than worrying about my personal circumstances or the actions of others. This was the inspired perspective that I receieved from the scripture reading last night. I resolved to continue to focus on mission rather than reaction.

Tonight I wasn't sure I wanted to go to the Book Study meeting. I went out of a sense of duty. Only a few free-world" people showed up. But then a bus came from a treatment center. They were many of the same men that were there earlier this week when I went there. We read the story "tightrope", the story of a gay man in recovery.

I was afraid as the story unfolded that the many gay lover references would be objectionable to these men in early sobriety. Each man graciously read his part to the end.

I thanked them for this and used the paragraph where the writer states that AA focused on principles rather above all else as my learning and sharing point. I expressed how I was easily distracted by my judgements of others in my life and this kept me from the self-examination and basic spirituality that I needed to acquire. I explained how this program got me to do just that. I observed that I was a religious person now but thayt early on this could be a big distraction because of the broad scope of religion and that I just needed to learn basic spiritual practices and take my own inventory. I was able to work in that I found that I had a worse sexual disorder than those I judged, I had infidelity, promiscuity, and polygamy. I spoke about how these are the worse type of sexual disorder and that that's where my judgement needed to be.

My intention is not to endorse the behavior or pretend it's ok. Rather it is to focus on the solution to alcoholism/addiction while I'm at AA/CA. I can express my disapproval of that type of sexual disorder outside of the rooms. I noted to myself that the writer expressed a state of internal disorder related to his sexuality.

I was interrupted in my review by crying children.
I went to bed ad prayed with my middle son.