Thursday, August 5, 2010

This morning I got up super-early to help my wife and kids off on a 4 day trip to the beach without me.  I had very conflicted feelings about this.  But, I had to stay out of the way and let my wife do what she thinks she needs to do and let God decide if it is right for her or not.  Meanwhile I had to stick to the best choice for my sanity and stay.

I got to do some much needed cleaning and I caught a great program about the big bang theory.  While the program did the usual false dichotomy of the church against Galileo and science, I was surprised to see that the attitude was much more greatly improved there was significant attention given to the role and contribution of religion and churchmen to astronomy.  I was also impressed in how Georges Lemaitre was featured.  I began to think of a new idea that draws a parallel between the shift from geocentrism to heliocentrism to the shift from legalism to theocentrism (as initiated by Christ) in religion.  Perhaps a more fitting dichotomy would be that between anthropocentrism and theocentrism.  Perhaps this is written into the stars themselves.

I had an attack of troubling feelings after cleaning up in the morning.  I fell asleep several times during the day and was very unproductive and isolated.  I felt like I was in a deep depression by late afternoon.  I prayed to be willing to let God change me and asked for Him to do so.

This evening I got to go to a meeting.  The topic was again the reading "acceptance is the answer".  I thought again about how the reading offers this insight about acceptance and can sometimes be treated as another practice of the program.  I thought about how acceptance is a virtue and how I could not effectively practice virtues prior to the process of egocentric deconstruction, amends, and spiritual development.  I shared about how I struggled to accept the program even though I thought I knew I was an addict.  I remembered when I heard a guy describe how the obsession drove him against his will and I thought about how a few days after each of my binges the switch flipped in my head and drove me like a robot to the first hit.  I realized this was plain insanity and I received acceptance of my disease through the sharing from this guy.

I wished that I would have been able to say it that concisely in the meeting.  I also regretted adding on to that in commenting on a point of struggle of the topic bearer.  I need to remember to limit my sharing to the reading.

I felt a lot better after the meeting.  I also remembered that my troubles are sometimes the unavoidable consequence of being human.  I sometimes get physically sick, tired, and miss my family but I always have a process to cope with it.

Thanks be to God.

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