This morning I found myself in a strange place having feelings of inadequacy.  I was thinking of my studies, of my choice of profession, about starting at the bottom perhaps or not getting enough education?   I was also thinking and debating in mind with people who have different views than me.  I think that I was placing myself too far into the realm of education alone as the sole source of wisdom.

I also thought some about identity.  About how how recovery from addiction became a large part of my identity when I got sober.  This didn't happen intentionally and I never thought about it this way, but it took up so much of my thought life and time that it sort of happened automatically.  I think that a large part of the reason for this is also the void that was left in the wake of the change of lifestyle that was a fundamental part of my previous identity.  However, rather than recovery being the central focus, perhaps spiritual awareness and formation are more apropos.

I also found myself feeling some deprivation of spiritual vitality this morning.  At one point my when my wife was gone and my sons kept interrupting me I got very angry.  I was trying to get started on my paper and thinking about my presentation for school and my feelings cascaded into a rage and blamestorm.  Fortunately I had the fortitude to resist them and to pray for serenity.

This evening I got to go to a meeting.  The topic was about time spent with family during the holidays and how we deal with resentment. Afterward I got to talk to a friend about the married life and dealing with my own resentments instead of trying to change others.

Thanks be to God.