Last night just after going to bed I had several panic dreams in which I recall trying to call someone to wake me up and thinking I was actually doing so but then finally waking myself up and realizing that I was screaming in my sleep.  I did get to sleep on time and wake up early although I had a hard time actually getting out of bed.

Today I had a splitting headache but was a lot more active than yesterday.  I had a weird unsettled stomach and episodes of low energy.  At mid morning I got to talk to a friend in the program.  I felt unusually uninspired and had trouble expressing some ideas to him about a subject that came up.

I did a longstanding cleaning project and had an appointment in the afternoon.  When the kids came home I did some yard work and played ball with the younger ones.

I got some bad financial news this afternoon.  I found out a major source of income was expired.  As I drove away from the bank I realized that I was not really prepared for this news even though I knew this day was coming.  I suddenly had a rush of feelings of inadequacy as a provider for my family.  Fortunately I was able to put my trust in God and think about several resources and options.  Mostly though, I turned to the experience that God always comes through with resources that I couldn't forsee.

I thought some today about the idea of surrendering the will as a matter of autonomy.  I also thought about calm assertive discipline.

Thanks be to God.